Beautiful Moon

It felt like sleep. Everything was peaceful. I was calm and relaxed. There was a color about this feeling, like almost white but not quite. It was quiet and I was alone.

A surge of electricity brought me away from the not quite white feeling. I felt like I was moving, flying almost. Peeking my eyes open, I saw bright lights moving past me. It obscured my vision, the brightness. I closed my eyes again, hearing a steady beeping.

Beep.

“She’s stabilizing.”

Beep.

“We need to get her to the OR, stat.”

Beep.

My head felt like a five-ton weight was crushing it. I felt a mask being placed over my mouth and nose. The not-white feeling was calling out to me and the sounds around me became quieter and quieter.

Beep.

I opened my eyes a second time and saw a lone figure in the distance, coming towards me in a floating manner. The figure turned into a ghost from my past; calling a name I haven’t heard in over a decade as she came to a stop.

“My dear Moon Child, it is not your time. What am I going to do with you?”

“Mom? Did I die?”

She shook her head, her long, blonde curls shaking slightly back and forth. Her emerald eyes sparkled with a glimmer of happiness but looked dark with sadness at the same time, a soft smile rested on the plump lips of her heart shaped face. Her olive skin was the same tone as mine, though she was taller and curvier. Aside from my straight, brunette hair, I was her spitting image.

“No my Moon Child, but you’re not very alive either. Your soul began drifting while the doctors were operating on you, putting your body into a vegetative state. You’re in the Between, where souls prepare themselves to cross over.”

I felt my eyes widen, fear creeping its way through me. I couldn’t die. I had so much I needed to get back to. I felt comforted as she put her arm around me and continued.

“You were in a very bad accident.”

The area around us changed to a main street in my town. We were standing in a parking lot on the corner at an intersection. I saw my sky blue Bug traveling down the road with myself behind the wheel. The stoplight ahead of me changed to red and my car slowed to a stop. Within seconds, two cars slammed into mine. A car traveling not far behind me didn’t stop or try to slow down and rear-ended me, sending me forward into the intersection as another car drove through their green light, unexpectedly hitting my passenger side. My car spun in circles a couple times and the second car came to a stop a few feet after the intersection.

I couldn’t remember any of this happening, though by the impact of the first car it looks as though my head was slammed off my steering wheel, hard.

“If there was another oncoming car, it’s likely you might not have made it to the hospital.”

The scenery around us sped up and then slowed to show the same area no less than half an hour after the accident, though the sun was beginning to set. Police and paramedics were everywhere. The two other drivers looked virtually unharmed. They were each speaking to an officer as paramedics removed my body from the car and placed it on a gurney.

I looked over at my mom, remembering the ghost stories she would tell me about souls being stuck as drifters and haunting the earth realm if they weren’t ready to cross over.

“I’m not ready to cross over, so why are you here? You’ve been gone for almost twelve years. You should’ve been crossed over by now. Unless you’re here to hold my hand while I die.” My heart began aching, unsure if I would ever get the chance to see her again, or live again. I almost wanted to stay, to forget my past life and know I could stay with her for eternity.

She chuckled. “As I have, Beautiful Moon, but when your soul arrived you needed guidance. Imagine if you woke up to nothing and it stayed like that for eternity. You’d truly be lost, unable to find your way home wherever that may be. There is always a familiar soul to greet you, and if needed, help you cross into eternity. But now is not your time. You have so many people depending on you, so many great things in your future.”

She leaned over and hugged me. There were so many questions I had to ask, get to know her more. I started to speak when I noticed the scenery changed once more to the calm, not-white color feeling and I was alone.

There was another electric shock and then everything faded black.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The white room was blinding as I fluttered my eyes open. A groan escaped my lips and I felt hands rush to hold mine. A quick glance around the room, after my eyes had adjusted, made a smile turn my lips and then my face twist in confusion. My dad and his girlfriend were there along with my best friend Sara, but she was holding a toddler.

“Wh-who is that?” coarsely and painfully escaped my mouth as my eyes settled on the little girl.

Their eyes went wide and they all looked at each other, worried. My father rushed to my side and I smiled up at him. His blue eyes were glistening with tears and his thin lips curled into a slight smile. He squeezed my hand and began to raise my bed into a sitting position.

“We almost lost you, Lace.”

He handed me a glass of water that I brought to my lips. The ice cold liquid was a warmth to my dry mouth and sore throat. I started taking small sips as a nurse came in and began to check me over. A doctor followed behind her that my father’s girlfriend began talking to in a hushed manner. When the nurse was done, the doctor walked over to me and began to quiz me on simple things, like my name and some medical history. He then asked me to name everyone in the room.

“My dad and his girlfriend are right there, and then my best friend, Sara is over there. But I can’t say I recognize the infant with her.” I shrugged my shoulders as Sara started silently crying. She lifted the infant and brought her over to me.

“Oh hun, this is your daughter. Ember? She’s just about to turn one.”

She placed Ember down by my feet and she crawled to me, making her way to sitting on my lap. She shared my brunette colored hair, hers was just long enough for a small ponytail on top of her head, and my emerald eyes. I couldn’t believe how much she looked like me.

“Lacey, I’m Dr. Marks. I’m a neurosurgeon here. You were in a really bad accident,” another doctor tore my attention away from the almost toddler. “It shook you pretty bad. You were out for a couple of months. When you were rear-ended, your head hit the steering wheel and then the window as your car was tossed from the second impact. Roughed up a little more after the airbags deployed. All of this trauma caused some slight bleeding and swelling in your brain, resulting in some retrograde amnesia it appears. What is the last thing you can remember for me?”

I thought about it for a minute or so. My face began to get wet with tears and I felt my arms instinctively wrap tighter around my child. I knew I had no idea who Ember’s father was. If she was almost a year old, then I’d have to be missing almost two years, if not more.

“The last thing I remember is getting ready for my birthday with Sara. Sophomore year is- or was- about to begin. Did we graduate already? Where’s Ember’s father?” I looked to Sara, feeling the tears begin to quickly and continuously drip from either side of my face. “I’m so sorry.”

“There is nothing to be sorry for.” Sara brought her hands to either side of my face and softly wiped her thumbs under my eyes. I’ve always loved the comfort she brought me. She dropped her hands onto mine and gave them a squeeze. I caught her eye and smiled, knowing I can find my way again with her by my side.

“The best thing you can do right now is get back into your regular routine. I’m sure your friends and family can help with that. We can’t be certain the memories will ever return in cases like this, unfortunately. I’m going to get your discharge papers and some referrals for you.” The doctor explained and then checked my vitals one last time before he turned around and walked out.

I sat looking at the beautiful little girl in front of me and started feeling angry. Why couldn’t I remember I had a kid, or that I was pregnant? Sara ushered everyone out of the room and hugged me and Ember.

“What is the absolute last thing you can remember, Lace? What am I working with here?”

I sighed. “I remember going out, what seems like last night. Typical club scene for you and me, late night trouble. The night before my nineteenth birthday. Are you still dating that dude? What was his name, Byron?”

Sara stifled a giggle. “Nope. Not dating any guys right now actually.”

I started playing with Ember, making faces while Sara started moving about the room, grabbing clothes out of her purse. “The doctor said, before you woke up, if you seem well enough that you can leave the hospital today. Everything has been fine aside from you sleeping. Your swelling went down days ago and every test they did on you came back normal.”

“Sara, who’s her father?” My voice trembled. I didn’t want to have to ask but she was the one person who would know. I couldn’t see anyone but myself in her features.

“Listen, it’s better you don’t remember him. He broke your heart and he isn’t worth the breath of telling you about him.”

“Was he here? Does he know? Did he visit?”

She stopped gathering things and walked over to hug me. “No, sweetie, he hasn’t. He never even knew you got pregnant because he was out of your life right after it happened. Met a girl and pulled some shit. You decided not to bother telling him because of how he acted towards you right as you found out. I promise, memory or not, we’re better off. I help you with Emmi and right now it’s all we need.”

She kissed my forehead and went back to gathering our things from the room. “Listen, a lot has changed since you remember things. When we get to the car, I’ll fill you in as much as I can.”

Shortly after, the doctor came back in and had me sign the discharge papers before I could leave and then handed me a packet of referrals and discharge instructions. I got dressed and picked up Ember, following Sara out to her car. She opened the passenger door for me and took Ember to place in her car seat. I looked around and realized all the scenery was unfamiliar.

“Where are we?”

Sara looked over at me and smiled as she started the car. “We are at the hospital in Eugene, Oregon. It’s about a twenty minute drive home so I guess I’ll touch on the bigger things. We live together, as you recall, we haven’t stopped. We moved up here around the time we graduated and opened up the cafe I always talked about.” I noticed her grip tightened on the steering wheel and she began to chew her lip, “Uh, our bond has changed, drastically since Emmi came into the picture. We’re kind of together. She calls us both Mama.”

I couldn’t stop myself from bursting out laughing. “You? Me? Together?” Sara has always been the boy crazy one of us, and while I knew I had had a crush on her for years at this point, I also knew she would never be into girls.

“It’s like coming out all over again.” I heard her remark under her breath. She sighed and glanced over at me and then back at the road. “Lace, after that asshole broke your heart, I realized why I had been such a serial dater and partier. I’ve loved you since about tenth grade, but could never admit it to myself. So I dated all the guys I did to forget and move on. Seeing you cry your whole heart out for months after you found out you were pregnant, it broke me.”

She reached her hand over and placed it on my thigh. I smiled and held her hand in mine. “I’m sorry. I guess that was a piss poor reaction.”

“No, it’s exactly the same way you reacted when I told you I loved you and kissed you for the first time. You thought I had too much to drink, which we did. We both blacked out that night. But that wasn’t until way later in the night. We had just taken our first shot and I told you and you fell to the floor laughing. I’ve been in love with you just as long as you’ve loved me but you were always more open about your feelings and sexuality.”

Sara put the car into park, I hadn’t even realized she slowed down and pulled into a parking space. It was street parking on a quaint main street with a handful of small stores surrounding us. She got out and got Ember out of her seat and then opened the door for me.

“We’re home!”

Sara had parked right in front of what she said was our cafe. We owned the whole building which included the Cafe on the first floor and two floors with single apartments on them. We all lived in the three bedroom on the second floor and I had started turning the third floor space into a studio for my photography.

We climbed the stairs and Sara opened the door to our home, putting our bags down right inside the doorway. The apartment was huge. The front door opened up into an open concept living room-kitchen combo. The one corner had a playpen and a bunch of toddler toys thrown all over.

“Take a look around, re-familiarize yourself, I’m gonna go put Ember down.” Sara took Emmi out of my arms and walked off down a hallway. I followed behind her, taking notice of the four separate doors along the hallway. Right off the living room was a small bathroom. Sara walked into the room all the way at the end of the hall and as the door closed, I took notice of the painted name on the door I must’ve done for Ember.

Next to Ember’s door was our guest bedroom. I turned around and walked into the third bedroom, which was mine and Sara’s. The bed looked like it hasn’t been slept in and clothes were all over the floor and bed. There was a door to a master bathroom right next to a walk in closet.

“So much space to put our clothes and we’re still a mess.” I chuckled to myself. I sat down on the edge of the bed and allowed myself to fall backwards. I might’ve been in a coma for a couple weeks, but I couldn’t stop the sleepiness from taking over as soon as my head hit the bed.