The Midsummer's Festival
It was a warm summer day. The town was holding a festival for Midsummer’s day. There were feasting, singing, and music.
“Ava, Viola come down for dinner please.”, called my father. My mother Celestina prepared some mutton and fish. For as long as I’ve known, my family has stayed in a small town in England. There has always been plenty of mutton and fish.
“Father, I want to go to the festival.”, my sister Viola said. “These are unsafe times my child.” my father said.
Viola always wanted to do what she wanted no matter what our parents thought was right. “Mother?” said Viola. “You should listen to your father Viola.” Our mother says confidently.
She looks toward me for an answer. “They’re right, it is very unsafe out there.”
Viola ate up her food rapidly and ran upstairs. I went after her.
She was laying in her bed holding tightly onto a pillow. “Why didn’t you take up for me Ava?”
“I care about you that’s all.” I say putting my hand on her shoulder.
“I don’t want you to get harmed, it’s not safe out there often.”
“I’m thinking about sneaking out.” She says tugging on her hair with a comb.
“Please don’t Viola, it is not safe out there.” I say protectively.
“You're starting to sound just like mother and father,” Viola says looking out the window.
“I’m just trying to look out for you, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” I say.
“I need some time to myself, can you leave?” Viola says to me.
“Ok, don’t do anything stupid.”
“Ok.”
She went out anyway.
I saw her leaving out the window. I tried to stop her, but she didn’t listen. I waited for her return. I hope she just went for a look and comes right back. By midnight, I still could not find her in her room nowhere. I worried and called her name. Maybe she came back through somewhere else in the castle. I called her name and heard it echo throughout the castle.
“Viola!”
“VIOLA!”
“VIOLA!”
I ran down the stairs to talk to my parents about it. I told them I could not find her anywhere. We assumed she was still out at the festival. They told me to stay here. I waited and waited. Paced around these marvel floors several times. Long into the night, I heard the doors come open.
They were back.
I did not see Viola.
I knew something was wrong. Both of their faces looked worried and anxious. I asked them time after time did they find her. My mother slowly raised her head at me and said "no" in a whisper. “We couldn’t find her, it was very crowded out there with the festival happening, we will continue looking in the morning.” my dad said hanging his head.
“Only if she would have listened to us,” said my mother.
“I know mom, anything could happen to her out there, I hope she is ok.”









Hi Shay, its good but need a lot of editing. I am going to try and do some in-line feedback to give you examples and point out issues with swapping tenses and making the story more compelling. Please write something on my wall or leave some feedback here if if you felt it helped as I cant see any comments after posting in-line.
Hi Shay, I did a lot of feedback and comments. Did you receive them? I hate that after adding them they just disappear from my view.
Sorry, no. I highlight a part of your text and click on leave feedback. Then I make my comments and give examples and click send and all it says is Thank you Shay will receive your feedback shortly. I would check with support.