Seeking...

"Yes sir, you will get the files by tomorrow morning."

Taking a deep breath before looking at the time I hung the call. It's 11 pm, I knew very well that it was impossible for the files to be ready by tomorrow, still I told him that lie. I shut my laptop knowing very well that no matter how much I do, it will still be not enough. Stretching my back on the chair, I stood up and gazed to the neighborhood from my balcony. It was serene, the winter fog captured the whole area in its thick blanket, putting everyone in a heavenly sleep for the night. Returning to my seat I noticed my body sitting still on the chair.

Just like that, a non existential death. No one was left in my life who would mourn for me. A death which won't have any impact on anyone. No one will remember, no one will cry, no one will miss. In the limited life which I had, I never for once lived for my own. It was always for someone else, someone I cherished, someone I cared about, someone I loved.

My mother was my only parent. She endured her life to give me a life different from hers and I did everything to one day make her happy and let her know how much I value her and her efforts in raising me. But it was all pointless as she died the same year I got my first job. I couldn't even buy her anything.

I always felt that my life will change, my time will come when I could do whatever I wished for at my childhood, that after doing everything for everyone, it will finally be my time. A life which would give me joy, happiness, peace. I was always able to live my life because of the hope that I had. A hope that one day it will all be worth it, it will be alright, my happiness lies ahead.

Seeing my dead body from the front, I noticed the dark circles that had been created under my eyes, that dark circles signified the sorrow, pain and ruthlessness of life. I was filled with anger. The life I always hoped for never came. I died the most non-existent death ever. But soon the anger changed into sadness. Sadness of not being a part of this world anymore. Maybe it was best for me to leave this world. Maybe the life ahead was more ruthless and unfulfilling. It's for the best.

These were the thoughts running through me the time my gaze fell on my dead body. Suddenly the whole room was covered in white fog and a melancholic voice surrounded my ears. "You can't just enter yet. Find the meaning of your life before going through here".