Looking Through Golden Eyes

It was late, and as the sun sank over the golden horizon, people flooded into the bar. Poleer worked his way through the crowds carefully, grabbing empty plates and cups and making small conversation with each stranger. Tibin worked back in the kitchen and at the bar, flashing a wide smile each time someone came up for a refill and humming while they stirred a large pot of soup. The two of them flowed like clockwork, and despite being severely outnumbered, they handled the crowd incredibly well, waiting patiently for Sora to come down from their room.

Sora had no intention of heading downstairs yet. Instead, they sat at the edge of their circular bed, rolling dried petals into a thin slip of paper and lifting it to their lips. They closed their eyes and reached for that feeling, holding onto it tight and imagined the end of the cigarette igniting. They breathed in slowly, and sweet smoke filled their lungs like silk. They released the feeling and opened their eyes, smiling crookedly. When they exhaled, the cloud of it seemed to shift and change colors like oil- one of the many reasons that pebble rose was such a common drug in Cabala City. The sight was mesmerizing, and Cabala had a reputation as a city with a love for vibrancy.

As the drug worked its way through Sora’s body, they stared out the window into the street below. City lights danced over the grains of sand, and as their vision began to blur it seemed like everything was glittering. They spun around the room, light as air on the tips of their toes. Laughter bubbled from their chest, and they held the cigarette to their lips, breathing in the smoke once more. The whole room smelled sweet, and once they finished and stubbed out the remains of the cigarette, they crashed down onto their bed, giggling still and forgetting completely about the tavern below.

“W…wher- Where’s Sora at? Shouldn’t they be down h… here already?” Tibin had pulled Poleer aside and his act fell away as they spoke. Poleer twisted around to look at the clock hanging above the door. They were in fact incredibly late, and Poleer let out a heavy sigh.

“I can go up there and talk to them, or would you rather me go check on Maleen first?” Tibin stood, thinking of Maleen by herself backstage. His pale skin turned a ghostly color as they wiggled their nose and thought for a moment, then nodded.

“I’ll go check on Sora, y… y-you go check on Maleen.” Poleer started up the stairs, and Tibin’s heavy footsteps followed close behind. Poleer turned towards Maleen’s room and Tibin turned to check on the room below once more before continuing down the hallway to the wide, sunny room that seemed to be the source of an oddly sweet smell.

Sora was sitting up in their bed, their bronze skin standing out against the cream colored sheet. Tibin knocked on the doorway before stepping into the room, immediately catching sight of the glass dish full of rose petals sitting on the vanity. They sighed deeply and replaced the lid before looking towards Sora. They still seemed slightly dazed, swaying back and forth slightly. Tibin walked closer, the right side of their face slowly coming into view. The giant, rippling scar that stretched from their brow down to their shoulder distorted that half of their face, like an oil painting, smeared before it could dry. Sora turned their head slightly to the side when they saw Tibin, their silvery eyes looking past him in confusion.

“What’re you doing up here, Tib?” Despite their appearance, Sora spoke clearly..

“Sora, it’s time for Maleen to come out. She needs y… you-”

Sora’s eyes widened as they suddenly realized why he was up here “Oh, it’s time! Give me two moments, I swear I’ll be ready-” They stopped suddenly, noticing Tibin’s crossed arms and pursed lips. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have cut you off.” They felt their cheeks go hot as they looked down into their lap. Tibin sighed and continued.

“She needs… you to be out there to give h… h-her the cue and so that she knows that it’s safe to be seen. It’s not about me being a stump in the sand, she really needs y… you.” Sora continued looking down at their hands, tracing the scar on the back of their wrist. “If w-w-w… we’re going to keep this thing going I need to be able to rely on… you. I gave… you a job, now… I need it done, okay?” Sora nodded and stretched, their limbs still feeling floaty. They stepped softly behind Tibin, and once back downstairs Poleer flashed them both a wide smile before opening his mouth to speak.

“Maleen’s alright; she was a little spooked, but trusted that we would’ve let her know by now if something was wrong.” Tibin’s shoulders relaxed and he nodded, then moved back behind the bar again. Poleer took a step towards Sora and spoke again, lowering his voice down to nearly a whisper. “Mava Seyja y Bati Saanke, did you smoke all of it? I could smell it as soon as you got down the stairs, and you’re still swaying a little bit.”

“I only rolled one cig, Poleer, there’s still plenty left. I just smoked one and sat around for a while, that's all.” They looked past him as they spoke, only glancing once to offer a small, crooked smile.

“One? What filler did you use, sunwood? Even your eyes are still messed up.” He leaned in closer for a moment, but pulled back quickly when Sora flinched away.

“I will admit, everything’s still a little fuzzy around the edges, but I swear it was just one. And it wasn’t sunwood, that stuff gives me headaches- the citrus taste is awful. It’s just a little Palosion moss I got a while back, makes it even smoother and doesn’t dampen the high at all.” Sora ran a hand through their hair and glanced at the clock. “We can talk more later, if I take much more time I think Tib will have a fit. Plus he had a point earlier, I don’t want Maleen to have to wait much longer.” Sora smiled quickly and nudged their way through to the bar, stepping carefully behind Tibin to climb up the ladder and into the rafters.

Up here had always felt like a completely different world to Sora. Up here, the smell of wood and dust conquered even the strongest of smells below, and the soft sound of the wind and sand on the roof drowned out the thundering crowd even on the busiest nights. Away from all the eyes, Sora felt safe. There was no one here to stare or ask questions they didn’t have the memories to answer. No strange smells, loud sounds, or uncomfortable textures. It was all familiar, and safe, and the perfect place to hide as they reached for that feeling deep inside themself.

They sat down carefully and closed their eyes, grabbing onto it tightly and imagined the room slowly growing darker and darker. After a moment, they heard the muffled mixture of confused and excited murmurs and knew it was working. When they could no longer pull anymore, they felt like a bow string drawn too tight, almost to the point of snapping. Very carefully, they imagined taking all that light and twisting it into fine strands of color, swirling and shifting and floating through the audience. Gasps filled the room below them, and when they opened their eyes they could see their handiwork. The strands drifted about, and for a moment, all the people down there seemed like children chasing feathers in the street, but then the curtain covering the back wall moved to reveal a small, dimly lit stage. On it stood a young girl cloaked in heavy fabric, standing with her lute at her side. Sora watched patiently, waiting for her to start.

Maleen breathed in deeply and lifted her lute to a playing position. Her fingers gently held each string, and she carefully formed the starting chord with her left hand. She took a deep breath, then ran the back of her nail across the strings, the warm sound filling the room. All eyes were on her as her hands danced across the instrument, and time seemed to stop once she started to sing

She sang with her rich Gromoric accent, but when she formed each word she felt neither Gromoric or common Godspeak under her tongue. It felt like she was singing Palosian, the language of her mava. The three pieces came together perfectly, almost like a language of her own. When she finished the first song, the room around her roared in applause and she smiled wide, imagining herself standing in front of her tava and classmates in the garden rather than in front of a room of strangers. When the clapping slowed, she began again. Her second song was softer, and this she sang entirely in Palosian, and while much of the audience could not understand her words, they understood the feeling that accompanied them. She sang of the Cabalan sky and watched as Sora’s ribbons of light shifted into brilliant stars up in the rafters, mimicking the beauty she sang of.

When this song ended, she waved to the audience and bowed, then stood up and began to play a Cabalan children’s song about a weasel and a toad looking for buried treasure. The room erupted with laughter and they all joined in, clapping along and singing with her. The curtains slowly moved back to cover the stage, but Maleen and the audience kept singing until the song had ended and she was completely hidden once again. Light slowly returned to the room and Maleen pushed the barrier back in front of the curtains before scurrying up her hidden stairs, feeling very much like a mouse in the walls and smiling as found herself back in her room.

Sora laid down on the rafters and closed their eyes. The tightness was gone, released as they had allowed light back into the room, but exhaustion had taken its place. Tibin called up to them, but they waved him away, deciding coffee and soup could wait as they pulled a deck of cards from their pocket. Tibin looked up at them, then turned back to the bar, filling plates with pie, bowls with soup, and cups with anything from chocolate to strong spirits. Questions came too, and Tibin fell into character each time he spoke, seeming like someone entirely different.

“Yes, we do in fact still have pie! We have cactus berry, saiple nut, and a chocolate pie, but the saiple is starting to run low and I don’t have anymore crust made up to bake another tonight.” He brought out two slices of the cactus berry and swirled honey over the top before offering it to the customer. “I’m so sorry, iti, but we do not have any more bread to go with the soup, we had a much larger crowd tonight than anticipated and we ran out very early.” The man instead bought a glass of coffee, and left with a full cup and empty bowl. “No, iva, we do not have rooms for rent. Yes, I am well aware there are rooms upstairs, those are my rooms, and I am not willing to share.” The woman scowled and stormed off without buying anything.

Tibin went on like this over and over again, until a white haired man stepped up to the bar. He stood taller than Tibin- likely only a few years older- and he had a wide smile and a small, curved nose. For a moment it felt like looking at Sora without a scar. He looked so much like them, down to the shape of his eyes and the texture of his hair.

“Iti? Is everything okay? You’re staring and you haven’t answered my question.” Tibin flinched as the man spoke, his voice shaking them from their trance.

“I’m terribly sorry, I lost myself for a moment. What was your question, iti?” Tibin tried to keep himself from starring again, and pieces of his act fell away as they wiggled their nose and tapped his fingers against the bar. The white haired man laughed and waved his hand to dismiss them.

“You’re fine, you’re fine, and please, call me Ybris, I’m not exactly known for my formality, and especially not around here.” He tapped his finger to his collarbone, drawing Tibin’s attention to the red ribbon tied elegantly around his neck. The man watched the confusion spread through Tibin’s face, then frowned. “Ah, I figured you’d know, most folks around here seem to, but I happen to provide very… pleasing services, if that makes sense, and as you can probably assume, we really aren’t known for being formal in that type of business. The ribbon just makes it easier for potential customers to spot us, that’s all I meant by it.” Tibin nodded, and the man continued, “I was just wondering if you have winterberry wine? I tried asking that blue haired fellow over there and he said you were the person to talk to,” He spoke gently, and nearly always with a smile.

Tibin nodded, then opened his mouth to speak. “W-w… excuse me, we should, I believe. Give me one moment to check.” Tibin turned and opened a small door in the floor, revealing the unopened wines. Sure enough, there was a pale blue bottle of winterberry, and Tibin lifted it out to check the price. “It is a little more on the expensive side, 6 feld and 4 tiks.” Again, the man dismissed Tibin with a wave.

“Oh, I’ve paid much more for things I care much less for, money is no problem for me, friend. Do you accept illium? Two coins is much easier than ten.” Tibin nodded and took the coins from him, returning the change and pouring a cup of the clear, sweet liquid. “Thank you so much, iti, I really appreciate it.” Then the white haired man walked away with his wine, and Tibin stared after him, still wondering about the similarities.

The rest of the night continued as normal, and eventually Sora came down from their perch to eat. The room had completely cleared of customers by then, leaving just the three of them. Poleer glanced between Tibin and Sora, a question clear on his face.

“Did either of you guys see anything weird tonight?” He asked it carefully, trying to keep the true question secret. Tibin’s eyes grew large for a moment, but before he could say anything, Sora began to speak.

“I mean I saw one guy come in with a bird but I don’t think that’s too weird, unless you’re talking about that one lady who kept showing everyone her ‘magic beans,’ and then just had a fistfull of teeth, that was really weird. And I mean bones and teeth are cool and all, but just the way she went about it was odd, you know?” Tibin and Poleer made eye contact but said nothing. Sora looked between them both before going back to their coffee. “What? Did you guys not see her? I mean I guess that makes sense, I imagine I see quite a bit more from up there than you guys do down on the floor.”

“I don’t remember seeing anything odd, why do you ask?” Tibin eyed him carefully, and Poleer began to play with the hem of his shirt.

“I just… I saw someone who looked a little suspicious is all, I talked to them a little bit before to try and see if I could find anything out, but they didn’t give very specific answers. I kept an eye on them the whole time, I just wanted to make sure you guys didn’t catch anything I missed.” He looked up at Tibin, who nodded while Sora wasn’t paying attention.

“That does sound weird, but I never saw anything, so I’m sure it’s probably fine. I’ve got dust all over me though, so I’m heading upstairs to clean off and get ready for bed and everything. Don’t stay up too late Poleer, or you’ll wake me up when you try to climb into that hammock of yours.” They hopped off the counter and tiptoed up the stairs, suddenly making the room feel very quiet. After a moment of watching after Sora, Tibin looked back to Poleer.

“Y…y-you saw- saw- saw- …him, the man that looks like them?” Poleer released a breath and nodded.

“I was worried I was making things up; how did Sora not see him? Did they? Did they just not notice it all? No, that was way too similar for them to just not notice. It was after the show, did they ever go back upstairs between then and now?” Poleer spoke quickly, his dark eyes flashing as he made gestures with his hands. “It just doesn’t make sense.”

“No, they stayed up in the rafters. They w-w-w-were playing solitaire, I think. The guy came up right after the show, so if they w-...w-were, they w-w… wouldn’t see anything. H…h-his name was Y-y…y-yb…”

“Do you want me to fill in?”

“Please, if you can, I’m not going to get it.”

“Ybris, he told me too. Something about not being formal, I didn’t get what that was all about but I just figured to send him over to you.” Poleer chewed his lip as he thought about what to say next. “Do we tell them? I mean it seems silly to now, and I mean it’s not like we can hunt the guy down and ask him about it, that’d be weird and we don’t even know where he might be, he said he wasn’t from around here so we very well might never see him again.”

“I think it’s better to just leave it be, if Sora asks then w… we can tell them about it, but until then I say just leave it be.” Poleer looked back up towards the stairs.

“Do you ever wonder where they’re from?” Tibin nodded, then gestured for them to go upstairs. “I’ve only asked twice. Once when I first met them and again when they started remembering what was going on. They cried and wouldn’t speak for hours both times. Or maybe it was more that they couldn’t, thinking back on everything. I thought that once new memories would be able to stick, maybe old memories would come back. I can’t imagine not having any idea where you’re really from.” Tibin slowed for a moment.

“I know it a little. Back before I h..h-had Paki and Pola, I thought about it a lot. Every-o-o-one that h…had red h-h…h-hair could’ve been my mava, bati, or niyj…yja. Or they could’ve been older siblings. Grandparents. Cousins. I never knew. I didn’t stop thinking about it until I h…had them, and then there was I…Ieesha and Tantaylo, and now I h… I have you guys. I don’t think about it anymore. I certainly can’t speak for Sora, of course, but I don’t imagine it bothers them too much at this point.” Tibin rubbed their nose and the two of them walked their separate ways.

Poleer headed off towards his and Sora’s room, but stopped before he stepped inside. He turned and moved instead towards the bathroom, where he looked in the mirror. The blue in his thick hair was fading, and he had a stain on his work shirt, but he paid no attention to either of these facts. He leaned close and pulled lightly at his cheek. Hidden in his dark skin was a tiny indent, left from his first day with Sora. They didn’t remember the incident, but he did. He remembered the dark green color clashing with the lilac that their hair would eventually turn, and he remembered how angry they had looked when he pointed out that it was an ugly combination. Their face scrunched up, and the scar was much more recent back then, giving them a lopsided look. He had laughed, and Sora threw a sharp stone at him. He didn’t understand why, but that moment in the alley- with Poleer bleeding and Sora already unsure of what happened- they had decided to stick with each other. Odd as it sounded, Poleer was grateful to have made that comment and received his scar all those years ago. A life any different than what the four of them already had was not something he could imagine ever being happy in, or at least not anymore.

When Poleer finally went back to their room, Sora was sitting upright, squeezing the tips of their fingers. They glanced up at him for a moment, but as soon as their eyes met they shot back down, staring at their hands. “Can’t sleep. I thought we still had more cactus root to smoke, but unless you’re hiding it we’re out.” Poleer looked towards the vanity to see that it was a mess of jars with lids removed.

“I’ll check around my bed but I’m almost certain I don’t have it, in fact I thought you used the last of it last time you couldn’t sleep.” He crossed the room and searched through his sheets and blankets, looking for the small tin. “Yeah, sorry. You might check if Tib has anything to help you, but you’ll have to get the lecture if you go that route.”

“I know, I’m surprised I didn’t get it earlier. But I’d rather drink some nasty syrup and get a lecture than be up all night.” Sora stood and stretched as Poleer climbed up into his hammock. “I’ll knock when I’m back.” They left the room and checked for Tibin in his bedroom before heading towards the reading room, where they found them with two books open and a piece of scratch paper. “Hey Tib?”

He jumped at the sudden sound, causing the pen to scratch against the page. “Mava y Bati, y-y-y-you scared the life out of me.” Sora stayed quiet as they ran their hand through their hair. Tibin eyed them for a moment, watching as they shifted their weight from foot to foot and pinched their fingertips.

“I was wondering… I mean I can go back and keep looking, I’m sure we still have some hidden away somewhere, and even if not I can probably blend something that’ll help, but…” They trailed off, staring at the mark left on Tibin’s paper.

This was as ritualistic to Tibin as making conversation with customers at the bar. “Sleep troubles?” Sora nodded, and Tibin sat his pen down and closed his books before standing and speaking to them softly. “I’ll be right back, okay?” They tiptoed over to where Tibin had been sitting and examined his work. Strange letters littered the page, and the titles of the books were nearly incomprehensible, if not for the fact that Sora recognized the shape of the word Estron. They sat down in Tibin’s chair and opened the largest book. More of the same strange letters coated the inside, along with maps, diagrams of plants and animals, and sketches of things that looked more like they belonged in a fairytale. They thumbed through the pages, trying to make sense of what they saw, but then Tibin’s feet thudded through the hallway, and Sora closed the book softly and stood as they entered the room with two glasses. “It’s not going to taste great, so I brought up some chocolate too. Plus the thickness w…will make it so you taste the chocolate more afterwards rather than the syr- syr… s… than this,” he raised one of the glasses as they gave up on the word. Sora took the raised glass and tipped the foul-smelling liquid into their mouth, grimacing at the matching taste. Tibin handed them the second glass, and Sora finished it quickly.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it. Don’t stay up too late with all that, okay? If your under eyes get any darker, folks will start thinking we’re beating on you.” They both laughed as Tibin sat down and took the pen into his hand once more.

“I’ll do my best, I’m hoping to be able to learn it by the end of Meqet, though, so I won’t make any promises.”

Sora crossed their arms and scowled playfully. “We’re only twelve days into Olst, so that’s what… seventy-eight days left?”

“If it’s the tw-twe-twelveth, then as far as I’m aw-awa-aware, adding seventy-ty eight would push us into Briir, so unless there’s a secret fifth week some-... where in there that I don’t know about, I think it may be smart to look at y-y-your maths again.” Sora’s cheeks grew warm as they looked away. “There’s no need to get upset, it’s not y…y-your fault. And besides, there’s even literate folks wh-who struggle with math. W-w-w-we can talk about it in the morning, alright? I’d suggest getting back to bed fairly quick, that drink should kick in before too long and I don’t imagine the hall floor is very comfortable.”

Sora returned to their room and slowly began to feel the effects of Tibin’s medicine. The lightness they had felt from the pebble rose felt like so long ago, a stark contrast to the heaviness creeping into their limbs now. As they sat on their bed and removed their shoes, they noticed how quiet everything was. How their scar tissue pulled as they bent their fingers. How the center of their bed dipped slightly from sleeping in it for so long. How slowly everything seemed to move. They pinched at the hem of their shirt and attempted to pull it up over their head, but the weight in their arms prevented them from raising it past their shoulders. They let the fabric fall back above their naval and rested their head against the mattress, quickly succumbing to sleep.

Sora shot upright in the bed and looked around frantically. Everything was too big, and the air felt tight. Heat filled the room and thick smoke lingered above them. They scrambled to get out of the bed, but their feet tangled into the blankets, holding them hostage. Everything was too loud, too hot, too big, and they were crying by the time they released themself from the prison of their small bed. They ran to the door, but found the handle was too high for them to escape. They pounded their small fist against the wood, and finally it flew open. A vague figure stood there, tall with dark bronze skin and silvery eyes, just like theirs.

“I have them! Do you have the twins and [redacted]?” The figure shouted through the house, the last word being completely unrecognizable. Sora felt strangely relieved when the figure lifted them up, wrapping their arms around the figure’s neck as the two hurried through the house. “Mava Seyja y Bati Saanke…” The figure muttered as the halls grew longer and seemed to change shape. “[redacted]! [redacted], something’s wrong, I don’t know where we are, I-” the figure started coughing violently and held Sora tighter before sinking to their knees. “I need you. Please, I need to find you, we need you…” The figure’s voice grew quiet as the realization washed over the both of them. Whoever they were looking for was never going to find them. The figure placed Sora on the ground and brushed their hair out of their eyes. Despite their proximity, Sora still couldn’t make any details out of the figure’s face. “I’m so sorry, Sora. I know it’s so scary, but I’m right here okay? I’m not going to leave your side. I promise.” Tears streamed down the figure’s face, and Sora found themself crying as well. The room around them continued to burn away, and they found it increasingly harder to breathe. The figure next to Sora began to move more sluggishly before finally laying still. Fear and grief shot through their body, and they felt useless as they shoved at the figure, begging them to wake up. The figure did not move, and the tears came faster now even though Sora knew nothing about this person.

A noise came from below them, a horrible ripping sound, and they covered their ears to block it out. The floor shifted, and Sora fell through, landing on their right side. Heat and pain seared through their face, and suddenly they felt a familiar itch deep inside themself. They closed their eyes and grabbed onto it, panic racing through their mind.

In an instant, everything changed. The suffocating smell of burning wood disappeared as they felt cold air rush into their lungs and their body crash into something both soft and sharp. They opened their eyes, seeing nothing but a sea of white and the raging fire before pain and exhaustion overtook them.

Sora bolted upright in bed, their heart racing. They looked around quickly, but only saw their room, exactly as they had left it. Poleer snored softly in his hammock. Morning light drifted through, giving everything an almost glowy look. Somewhere in the house, Maleen was already awake and practicing. The details of the dream faded quickly, adding to Sora’s confusion. They pulled their shoes back on and changed out of the previous day’s clothes, slipping into a loose orange shirt and a bright pair of indigo pants. Moving into the washroom, they filled a basin with warm water and soap, then dipped their hair in, carefully working their fingers through the lavender tufts. After rinsing the soap out, they wrapped their head neatly in a towel and went downstairs.

Tibin was heating water for coffee when they came in, humming to themself quietly. His red hair was messy, as though he hadn’t been up very long. Sora looked out the window and saw that despite the light, the sun was not yet up. “Sora?”

Maleen stood at the top of the stairs, holding her lute with one hand. Tibin turned at the sound of her voice, staring at Sora in confusion.

“I figured it’d be noon before y-y-y… before you got up, is everything okay?” He looked at them with concerned eyes, but Sora noticed the splotches of ink still staining their fingers and the slight croak in his voice that appeared when they were tired.

“I, uh, I’m fine, just…” They released a breath of air and relaxed, not realizing their shoulders had been tensed. “I had another nightmare, I think. I can’t remember. It’s all gone now, I just woke up scared. I’m okay though, it’s better than not sleeping.” They glared at Tibin, who suddenly became incredibly interested in the boiling water.

Maleen looked between the two of them from where she stood, then made her point. “Tib, I think Sora’s right. You clearly either didn’t sleep at all or only slept for a short while, you should take a nap. Plus, I like that Sora’s up. We could play cards without worrying about Poleer hiding any! Sora, you remember when we first set up in here and spent that whole first night playing cards?” Sora smiled at the memory, thinking of how confused they all were looking for the last seven cards, only to find that Poleer had them stuck between the floorboards throughout the night, explaining how he had won more than any of the rest of them combined.

Tibin smiled, removing the water from the stovetop and pouring it over the dark coffee grounds. They looked down at their fingers, then up at Maleen. She was still laughing with Sora, and Tibin stepped towards them. “I’ll go take a short nap if y-y-you two promise that everything w…w-will still be standing by the time I’m up.” They promised with wide smiles, and Tibin walked up the stairs as Maleen scampered to her room to retrieve a deck of cards. Sora had already forgotten they had a nightmare at all.