What is your opinion?
Interesting World Building and Setup
"I love that there is a strong female lead (Marie). She's tough and has fighting skills which she has worked hard to get. The magic component is very interesting in this world and Marie has skills in that area which, apparently, she's been keeping somewhat secret. There is great conflict with her father and the (evil? don't know yet) sorceress Minerva. There also promises to be conflict with her two chosen suitors which are nicely different and interesting in and of themselves. The shortcomings of the story is it is a little draggy in places and the dialog style is difficult to follow and distracting from what was overall a very pleasant read. I hope to see this go places and it inspired my own little project in the fantasy world, so a huge THANK YOU to Dawn Lakewell and and may the Gods of Skyfire shine upon you!"
Court antics and adventure
"This story opens strong, where we meet a very likeable and headstrong girl, Marie, and follow a bit of her daily routine. The next chapter launched into following the story of a new character, Castiel. There’s just something really enjoyable about hearing a story from two sides of the same coin and I found myself smiling as I heard the alternating story of events. I was immediately drawn to the developing relationship between the characters and I am looking forwards to seeing how this will develop over the course of the plot unfolding. The story has a witty undertone and it is amusing to read the antics of court and the characters trying to be matched for marriage, I look forward to reading just how it will unfold! "
Heating up
"Man that woman is so evil slipping in and making them speak up. It’s so creepy. Gives me shivers. "
Short and Sweet
"20 Chapters at the time of review. Will not be continuing. Simply, this story isn't for me. (I've made corrections to grammar and a few language suggestions via Feedback) However, I do really enjoy the short chapters. The author clearly cares about their story, and I love that."
Masterpiece
"Let me say that this is an absoulute masterpiece. Marie is a badass individual who constantly fights breaks every single one of society rules. She is quirky and smart, while breathing life into an age-old genre that truly shows the writer techniques. Her relationship with her sword master, Caroline was both heart warming and genuine. As with many story on this site, editing and overall progression of the story could see some work but overall im not going to harp on it because other have already commented it. Final words, this story is great and I can't wait till the endng. "
Nice story
"I like the story line so far. It has some nice twists and turns. I'm curious of the next chapters. However, it still needs some editing. "
Sam's Review up to now.
"I like the general idea ver much. The plot is great I think, a young woman who likes to sword fight is being forced to marry by her father who seems rather overbearing. A few commas in dialogue are missing so a point off grammar for that. I think it is a good story, I enjoy it. Maybe not perfect but very good nonetheless so 4/5. "
Review of first 5 chapters
"I’m going to start off by saying that I don’t think I’m the target audience for your book. That said, the “year to decide” and the new maid are interesting plot twists, and your writing is clear enough that I can grasp what’s going on. And I’m quite curious about what I assume are the two love interests. Have you ever read, or watched, Wurthering Heights? I’m picking up those types of vibes. Now, what bothered me- your story needs editing. On the one hand, I kinda feel like you need some commas in your sentences, but maybe not. But aside from writing style and preference, it still needs editing. Notice in chapter 3 the very first word, and then notice when you introduce Nadasia- you have 4 repeat paragraphs. I would encourage you to read your story out loud to yourself and you’ll pick up on most of it. Sometimes when we write something out eyes stop seeing our own words. Keep it up. Who’s this new maid? Who wins her heart- Casteil or Lance? "
A story with potential
"I feel that this story has potential. I like how Marie cares about the servants. I did not find myself really connected to the characters all that much though. There was potential for a highly emotional connection with the readers, but I just wasn’t feeling connected. I think there was too much telling versus showing. There was also a lot of grammar mistakes. I liked the details that are given. I would like to see more details given. I think it would help if Marie has nostalgic flash backs or reminisces with Baine and some sort of conversation with Nadisia that would help build that emotional connection."
That's an odd place to end
"A girl who isn't strong enough to hold a real sword goes to a Gala with her father. I'm not all that interested but the writing's not bad. The ending of the chapter is strange. I'm assuming we learn more about the boy in the next chapter. The way you wrote about the swordfighting is pretty good. You shouldn't have written 'inner conflict' but the way you wrote internal monologue is pretty good. "
