The Alpha’s Bait

I’ve lived a pretty boring life except for the fact that I was raised by my granny because my parents were always away for work.

I guess it never really dawned on me that I was the “weird” one for not being raised by my parents, I only became aware of the fact that my upbringing was weird when I started school and was quickly made the target of not only bullying but also gossip as to why my granny was “forced” to be burdened with me instead of my “deadbeat” parents raising me themselves.

I could never understand why I was always given pitying looks and having to hear and be told by others that my parents sucked and that if they were me they’d hate my parents for abandoning me

I guess I’m the weird one because I don’t hate my parents and I’m actually so thankful towards them and towards my granny for raising me, because I had an amazing childhood filled with love, care and attention.

My granny was just my granny to me she wasn’t some sad poor woman that was forced to put up with a burden. She loved me and I loved her.

I have so many good memories with her, from our first time baking, to the time we almost burned the house down while playing hide and seek, she made sure that I was always out in nature and respected it.

I’ll never forget those Sunday mornings where we would make chocolate chips cookies with extra chocolate and then head down to the creek, those are my most treasured moments.

We did everything together until she got sick and we couldn’t go outside as much, I know that she always worried that she was holding me back from enjoying my life but I always told her that she never was and that there was no where that I would rather be then with her.

It didn’t matter where we were, or what we were doing as long as we were together.

Even though we couldn’t go to the creek anymore we spent a lot of time just talking and I learned so much about her, about her life before me, about her goals, hopes, dreams and her travels.

She had told me that she knew she didn’t have much time left but I didn’t believe it- I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to accept that there would come a time where we wouldn’t be together.

She was my everything, my world and I was hers, our lives revolved around each other in the best way possible.

I stayed by her side, taking care of her, even though she told me to head off to college I just couldn’t stand the thought of not being there if she needed me.

Then on March 12th I went into her room to check on her and she was gone. She looked so peaceful almost as if she were sleeping.

I thought that I had prepared myself for this but coming to terms with the fact that my granny, my person, the first and only person in my life to be there for me and always show me love, the only parent that I’d ever had was gone felt like torture that was definitely the hardest part.

I was shattered and didn’t leave the house for months, the only thing that was able to get me out of bed was looking through the photo album that she had left for me.

Those memories saved me.

I decided to go to grief therapy and that definitely helped me to process my emotions of grief but also of anger for the first time in my life towards my parents sure I got lonely sometimes but everyone gets lonely but this is the first time I’ve actually been angry at them for not being there, for not reaching out, for not knowing that she was sick, for never calling to check up on me.

After two months of therapy I came to realize that I had spent my entire life lying to myself, telling myself that I wasn’t hurt by my parents absence, telling myself that as long as I had granny I was fine and didn’t need to have parents like the other kids.

Only after she died did I have the courage to say out loud that maybe I did need them, maybe I wasn’t only mad that they weren’t there for her but that they weren’t there for me, that I never got the chance to know them as parents or even as people.

I barely had time to start going through everything before I was contacted by a lawyer that told me that we needed to go over her estate, I never even knew that she had an estate in place. I guess I didn’t know my granny as well as I thought I did or atleast her finances because the lawyer told me that not only did my granny have a substantially large amount of money and assets which was so surprising because we always lived a very humble and quiet life but also that I was her sole beneficiary and in her will it states that her only requirement was that I had to graduate college or find the way to the moon whatever that means, granny always had a way of saying the strangest things but she said that eventually it would all make sense. I was also told that my granny had added in her will that a small portion of her money would be deposited into my account each month to cover my living and schooling expenses. I was given the choice to either stay at the house or move to an apartment. At first I was worried about leaving the house, it’s the only place that I’ve ever lived but I knew that granny always wanted me to be able to experience college and since I knew that I probably wouldn’t be going to the moon anytime soon I decided to start looking for colleges to attend and after searching for a few months I finally found a school that I liked but it was in a different city so I decided to move into an apartment that was close to the school.