Auniverse

good book

I liked the book a lot. I liked how you took your own name and put it in as a character. Although you did put a lot of bad words which is why I gave your style only 4 stars.

almost everything

i rated this book 4 out of 5 because, well, ya didn't have everything. You had long sturdy paragraphs, lots of dialogue throughout and detail in between, and you stuck to one genre. But one thing you missed was describing what the characters look like on the outside of the dialogue.
I could only imagine the setting of the scene. You have to mention if the character has a fit body, or are they plump are they wearing a scarf, things like that.
But, overall, this is the best book I've ever read, just work on describing the characters more thoroughly.

great story

As said above, great story. the conflict is intense. I absolutely love how the kidnappings all involves girls with red hair: just like in real police cases, there's a pattern, there's one in the book!

I only gave you three stars on punctuation and grammar because profanity is not in the English dictionary. I have nothing against profanity, but for future reference, don't use it in your books.

Your style is good. one problem: try to start the book at a conflict. Like two people arguing over something, and then killing the other. (just an example) that's called a hook. That way, it keeps the reader interested, wanting to read on. I doubt a girl showering and being late to work would get the reader hooked.

Not trying to be mean or anything, just giving you my thoughts. Whether you agree and take my advice is up to you.

gee... where should i start?

first of all, I will say what's good; you put a lot of effort, and you tried.

Now the fun part: the hook was okay. You need a better hook (a beginning that makes the reader want to read more). Instead of starting what a "boring filed trip" you should start with was a fight scene! action sequence! or even intense dialogue that describes the conflict.

Also, show don't tell, kid. Instead of saying "eager fisherman" describe HOW they're eager. instead of saying "isn't kind to people" describe HOW they aren't kind to people

Also, it moved a little slow getting tot he plot. And as soon as you reach conflict you get the plot, so don't forget to use conflict for your plot. Example: a regular day, then aliens come crashing down (conflict). soon after that, the protagonist have to save the planet (plot).

Say what you will, I think this covers my critique. See ya never, (because this is online).

a little slow

First, I will say what is GOOD about the story: you clearly know show don't tell. for those of you who don't know, that is a writer's technique where the author shows what is happening through describing the scene. they show the backstory with dialogue and descriptions. Rather than telling ABOUT the story, you gave the reader a visual, which not many books have.

Now, while your writing method is good, you have to work on your hook.

The hook, as many know, is what keeps you going. What makes the reader want to read/know more. YOUR hook was a girl cleaning the floor with a huge description about how that works.

Usually people start movies with fight scenes, books often start off with some intense dialogue that would describe the conflict. Like in harry potter, Dumbledore and McGonagall were discussing that they were going to hide Harry with some relatives from a dark lord.

Don't get me wrong, good story, very creative, I'm just saying what could make it BETTER.

paragraphs a little bulky

loved the story. The whole wolf thing, genius, but maybe spread out the paragraphs more? I noticed there were about 6 paragraphs when there should be 12. How about after the character speaks, and your describe how he/she said it, and whatnot, try to seperate the character's feelings from the dialogue. The feelings is a new topic, and whenever there's a new topic, ya make a new paragraph. Other than that, good story, can't wait for more!

I'm buying this book

the book had everything. A good character, plot, storyline,, everything. so good I was wondering if you got the idea from a movie or something?

it would make a great movie

I thought your story was very creative. You're a talented author and I hope the world sees that, someday. Keep working on it, I can't wait to see what happens next!
PS. can you tell me when you've got a new chapter, I don't exactly pay that much attention to my notifications.

nice start

Good book. Seemed a little adult for a 13 years old, but ya know, Inkitt has that option to have writers write for 16 and 18's.
For a 13 year old, it good.

surprisingly good

when I saw you had written 57 stories, I thought there's no way any of this will be good. She must've rushed through. But clearly not. I'd say you're a very talented author. Your style is okay, the story's not perfect, it could have some improvements. I noticed you had the right amount of dialogue and describing detail. However, try to make the characters have unique personalities that no one on planet Earth in real life would have. Maybe someone goofy, someone smart, think sitcom-wise for your stories, or if you're writing drama, think about family drama.

went a little fast

It was a good book. It sound like a true story, however, I'm gonna give you some criticism: it seemed a little loose. Most of it was dialogue and (don't get me wrong it was good dialogue) forgive me for saying this, I feel like there's not enough detail. Here's something for future reference, try to do all the dialogue, or try to finish the story, and then read over it, start to type in between the dialogue and then that would give your readers some information on where and when. Like I couldn't tell if they were saying all this in a police office or what. That's my advice and criticism, but other than that, seemed like a good book.

a bit copied

I don't know if you've read harry potter, but this seemed a lot like it. I mean you made the story your own, but the magical schools were like hogwarts, the professors are like those who teach at Hogwarts and you referred to the boy as a squib which is also from Harry potter.
Other than that, it was a great book and I'm sure this was just a coincidence. But I'm just pointing that Herry-potter-thing out so it doesn't happen next time you write a book.

everything a good book requires.

You got dialogue and detail. Might I suggest a monologue? That's what Shakespeare did and people made classics based on his classics.

not enough details

The dialogue was good, but I feel like there was a lot of feelings and emotions in the describing part of the story. Don't get me wrong, the feelings were strong, and it was a good book, but try to describe what's happening, ya know, what's going on within the storyline, not just the character's feelings.

not enough dialogue

great book, loved it, but might I give some advice? Put some dialogue into the story. 7 out of the 9 chapters were just describing his life of high school and whatnot. I liked the book, don't get me wrong, but try to put some talking of interaction within the describing detail.

didn't know the full story

I didn't know the whole story to it. I liked it, it could've been a computer error of mine, but you started with chapter: 2 and I had no idea what was happening. It starts witha n explosion and then after that it's good. I like your grammar and style, I just wish I knew more of what was going on. Ya know?

good book

I thought it was a good book. I found it interesting. I look forward to the next chapter. I also found it a bit ironic. This Grace character reminds me of my sister, Grace.

creative

I liked the book and I'm definitely suggesting it to others. You kept to the same personalities of the characters and the storyline was good, too. My favorite of those was the first chapter from the despicable me franchise.

it went off into a tangent

Went off into a tangent, really. I mean, have you even read the books? While Harry was in Dumbledore's office, he forgave Dumbledore after being told good reason for what Dumbledore did. And then Harry went off to tell Ron and Hermione and they lived happily ever after. Also int the book, Harry's a good guy. He wouldn't just go off willy nilly all over the place and start claiming all the houses for n o reason, come on man. Try to get to know the character before writing about them in fanfiction. That's all I'm saying.

very creative

The middle was a little depressing to be honest, but I liked the book overall. That is I liked the storyline, I mean armored wolves?? So creative. But might I suggest not making an abusive boyfriend? That's just the depressing part.