The Stories I’ve been Afraid To Write

When you think someone is your entire world, you will do anything to keep a hold on them. You'll fight everyone for them, for him. Youll write songs, and books, and poems about it. You'll try to get over him so many times but you fell in love with him, that devilishly handsome smirk. The way he says 'I Love You'. You hate the way he says your name but then again its him saying it, so it was serious. You want to give up at points and think that trying isnt worth it anymore, but you think that fighting might bring him back to you. You listen to music that reminded you of him and you cry, every night. You think about him, every day. Wondering what he would say, what he would think, and what he looks like now. You wonder if hes been back to Juvie or if he's rejoined a gang. You wonder how his mom and his sister are doing. You wonder if he found someone, and if he has..if he really loves her. You think that there will always be a You and Him. But what if there was nothing there in the first place. So you fought, and you kept going for him and sacrified everything to stay with him, but it was all for nothing. You learned things, you regretted things. You changed, and were never the same again. You lost friends, and your parents' trust. Some relationships grew stronger and some disinegrated. In the end you had youself and you were grateful for that. Yet you still craved him. All you wanted was him. The smell of him, the feeling of you in his arms, the feeling of his lips on yours, and when he would say how beautiful you are like there was absolutely no one else in the world there. You never really knew how much he meant to you until you stopped talking to him the 2nd time, and that was so hard. You heard things from your friends about him and you didnt know whether to be angry or to be miserable and sad. You were willing to give up anythign and everything to be with him but, in the end that wasnt your call because he needed to want you too. To keep you and love you like he had before. What if he didnt do that? What if he rejjected you completely? Would you move on? Or would you still try to keep going and fighting for him even though he continuiously keeps hurting you. But then again this is only Chapter 1 of the things I've been too scared to type, let alone say for everyone to see and hear it.