Chapter 1
Song- Brother by Kodaline
“When we were little, I remember the pact we made and how we would chant it at the top of our voices,” a ghost of a smile spread across ty’s face, his eyes were far away in a world left in the past, “it would be our thing to get us through the difficult times, like when Ella stole your toy truck or when we got lost in the storm. It would help us so much.” He looked like he did the last time I saw him. His hair was as red as roses and his face sharp and angry. He had more tattoos now and a piercing in his ear but he was still the same ty that I always could count on or so I thought I could.
“We were family back then. Back when no one could stop us from being kings and queens.” I replied, my voice sounded bitter to my own ears and the flinch from ty showed he could hear it too. I couldn’t help it though; family doesn’t leave without a goodbye. I knew I looked different, I let the bitterness consume me just like he did all those years ago. He always told me to not become like him and stay the ball of sunshine and hope that made everyone’s day but how could I when my world came crumbling down.
He spoke like what I said couldn’t dampen this distant reunion “We would chant about how we would have each other’s back and nothing could stop us” I missed him so much and I knew we would still have each other’s back if I let him back into my life.
“How naïve were we then. What I would give to think that if one of us was dying we would save each other.” My response surprised me because that’s not what I wanted to say. My walls are built up so high that even I’m stuck on the outside, that thought scared me. It scared me so much they came crashing to the floor, leaving nothing but a mess of anger and fear.
“We were young. We took different paths and travelled different roads. You said I was your brother even if we didn’t share the same blood.” my voice became steady, emotionless nearly. Everything was spinning and I couldn’t keep my grip on reality.
“You are my brother! What don’t you get about that statement? I told you if we hit troubled water
I’ll be the one to keep you warm and safe and I’m here to do that now. So, let me for Pete’s sake! Come back while we have our fingers and our toes, please I’m begging you. It’s been 20 years since our paths last crossed, let me have you back, brother.” tears began streaming down ty’s face, we both came to a realisation that we aren’t the same people we used to be. We have become fearful of the very thing we want. Everything is spinning too fast; I need to sit down but I can’t get my body to move.
“That’s just it though. It’s been 20 years. I had to handle 20 years of not knowing if you were safe. I had to handle 20 years looking at the ink staining my skin because we thought it was a good idea to get a crown tattooed on our bodies! Do you even remember what that resembles?” I fell to the floor, tears making the world a blur that won’t standstill. He’s my brother and I love him but how do I let him back into my life?
“Of course, I do! We were young, we were the ones the others called the kings and queens because we acted like we ruled the world. We smoked cigarettes with no regrets, and I wish I could relive every single word we spoke and every single memory we shared.” I missed him so much.
“But we can’t! We can’t go back because you left me. I was drowning and you weren’t there to help me breathe again. You left me to die on my knees and didn’t look back to see I needed rescuing. You weren’t there. Why weren’t you there?” my voice became nothing but a mumble, a reminder that my walls have gone. My body felt like an empty vessel waiting to be filled one more. Ty began walking towards me like you would with a wild animal.
“I was there. You just never noticed me. I helped as much as I could, but you stopped coming to me after a while.” he started whispering, his arms coming around me in a hesitant embrace long put off. I can’t remember when he sat in front of me but that doesn’t matter anymore.
“I’m drowning at sea.” I couldn’t stop shaking, I needed him for so long and now he’s here.
“And I’ll give you my lungs to breathe.” he’s here just like before, “I’ve got you, brother.” Ty muttered into my shoulder. After many years alone I finally feel like I’ve found the one thing I have been longing for: my brother.
