Life I
You know life is really weird and exciting, you never know what's going to happen until the moment you live it. Everything's unexpected even the thing we think that we anticipated them, nothing goes the way we want and that's the most amazing part in all of this. You know I lived a really funny life too.
When I was still at the age of 5, I met that guy with green eyes and blond hair. It was my first day at school, I was sitting in a table were three boys were sitting playing a game. Two of them were trying to terrify me and play their role of the 'villain' meanwhile that guy with his really pretty shiny hair was playing the role of my gardian who's trying to save me from these monsters, but I think he was more like a prince to me. Even though that was just a game for the three boys, I felt like this guy was really my charming prince. Yeah pretty ridiculous, but that's how at the age of 5 my first love story started. In the next years nothing special happened apart of my feelings who grew bigger by the time. I was really blinded by 'love' back then or so I thought who knows.
At the age of 8 I don't know how, but I kind of got a confession from my prince while playing truth or dare with my classmates. Yeah that's how I had my first official relationship. But well I wasn't really the kind of girls who kisses or do such things before marriage so yeah nothing really changed apart the fact that my feelings grew even stronger and I was really enjoying every little moment I spent with him, the boy of my dreams back then. You know that's not just a metaphor, I really made dreams and created a whole different universe in my head were he was my partner to save the world from some kind of 'villain society'. Anyway, you can understand that our relationship was kind of boring for the other part who's not that serious about it but before I travel two years I want to talk about an important year in my life.
2014, an exceptional year full of joy and sorrows I'll just describe it as being miraculous. Anyway that's when I was 9 years old in my fourth grade, we got a transfer student and her name was Simal. She likes cats and all cute things, she was incredibly creative and was my best friend, or so we thought, we didn't really identify our friendship. Simal and I used to spend our time talking about her obsession with cats or playing a game in our slate that we created together. It was like the adventure games in the mobile phones with the levels and all. I still believe that if this game gets programmed, it will be so popular. Well back to our story, during that year everything was normal, I played with Simal and enjoyed some moments with Fessuoy (that's my crush).
In the winter break my family prepared a surprise and that's how I found myself in Paris. It was amazing, we visited the zoo where I've met my favorite animal and the only one I don't really fear, at least that's how I feel I guess, I'm talking about the pretty giraffe with her long neck and pretty skin. We also went to the Eiffel tower, we had to wait for hours just to go up and down for some minutes then we went in some kind of ships in a lake (I'm sorry I lack in culture and that's what I think happened). We visited Playmobil too, it was so cool, I always liked to play and create stories and new small worlds so that place was so special to me and I definitely want to go back someday. For the last two days, we went to Disneyland. There was a game that consists of a big elevator were you get in, sit on a chair and start screaming with all your might while it goes up and down really really fast. It was a fun experience. On the second day when there was a parade or something like that, it was really crowded and pouf, I don't know were are my parents anymore. So I got the brillant idea to stand up on the parade's route in order to try and track my parents however a person wearing Mikey's hand came and took me to a place were they put missing children. The person there was trying to be nice but I found her quite annoying I mean I was obviously not in the mood to play or watch a film but she was like "do you want to play this or watch that?" All I was thinking about back then was how to escape before they sell me to a new family. Luckily, my parents found me after almost two hours and that's how our memorable holiday in France ended.
Getting back to school, in someday I don't know how a girl called Ruon came and was like "Enimsay, my bestie, we are besties right? I like you!" I was confused but that's how I got an official best friend. She was quite energetic and liked bragging and showing off. However I liked her and considered her my dear best friend. Don't worry I didn't forget about Simal in all of this, we just stayed normal friends as usual.
The year flew by and summer vacation came up, I spent it in my grandparents house since my grandpa was sick so it was a 'chance' to meet up with all my cousins and spend nights talking about life. I talked to them about my crush and they proposed that I contact him through social media however I didn't have any mean to do that. My parents weren't really for technology at my age and they were really strict about it so my cousin Rawis created a secret Facebook account for me and I got in touch with Fessuoy. I spent time everyday chatting with him and all, I still remember how everytime I talk or think about him my heart goes like a roller coaster. Everything was fun until August. My grandpa died. It wasn't a happy event but I think I didn't really realize what happened and people missunderstood and thought I was mature because I acted as an adult and was reassuring my cousin Rawis who was crying a lot because for her he was more than a grandpa, he was a father. I envyed her for this special bond. I mean I don't feel that close to any member in my family but well I've always considered my friends as family so it's fine. That's how this miraculous year ended to make space for the new school year.
I continued to chat with Fessuoy at home pretending I have a research to do or something and one day, my parents found out. I got really scolded, luckily I kind of got out of the awkward situation were they could've known that I spent time talking to my crush and daydreaming about him. I don't know how they would think about it but I don't really want them to know. I don't think they're that open minded and I was still a 'kid'.
Apart from that nothing really special happened and the kinda boring love story I had continued as usual. Well it wasn't boring for me but it was for my so called prince because someday he tried testing me I think and he was like "hey do you mind if I love any other girl" I didn't really like the question and that was obvious however I believed that he is free and if he doesn't love me anymore than it's not his fault he can't do anything about it and answered "well if that's the case I can't do anything about it". In the end that conversation ended being just a joke. My best friend Ruon told me that I should've sayed "no" but as I told you I believed that he was free to love whoever he wants.
Later I don't know how things got pretty stressed between us and I found out he was cheating on me with a girl from the other class and that's when we broke up. I was pretty hurt back then, I felt that I was stabbed in the back. I was the one who asked to break up because of my bestie's advice. It wasn't such a good feeling. I really liked him and couldn't stop even after what happened and you know what's worse? A boy came to me during lunch time and confessed his love, Fessuoy was sitting nearby and was like "hey you should say yes look at him saying he loves you". He really got on my nerve and I unwillingly did something cruel, I just rejected the poor boy publicly and he was mocked for that during the whole year.
That's not the end, that year was a real torture. After that accident, I couldn't reject any boy anymore, another boy called Lellaj came and confessed his love. I hesitated and told him that I'll give him an answer later. I didn't love him but I didn't want to hurt his feelings and Ruon was encouraging me to get into this relationship. And oh my god I can't describe how much I regret it. Lellaj was definitely obsessed with kisses and I didn't really want that. He kept harrassing me during sessions to kiss him under the table and I kept on rejecting that. I don't want to kiss anyone until I get married. Love isn't kissing why are boys so obsessed.
Luckily the next year was the last school year. In our country, we had to pass a final exam which determines whether we can get into the elite's college or just in a normal one. So during that year I had to study really hard. Our teachers had to take us in many excursions to relive stress and enjoy the year. I got into many fights with Ruon. She was just cutting ties everytime for ridiculous reasons and I always apologized because I really liked her and didn't want to put an end to our relationship. Once we fought, well she argued with me I never really fought or anything all I did was always apologizing regardless of everything, anyway she just got upset because our classmates were always on my side whenever we got into a fight and that irritated her. She said I'm a hypocrite who manipulates people acting like a victim and being fakely kind. I never really acted kind. That's just how I am, I never considered myself a kind person, I just act the way I think is right and according to my own beliefs. People told me I'm kind hearted and all but I'm just like that.
During the year, all I did was studying, fighting and getting back with Ruon, dealing with my unstable feelings towards Fessuoy, acting as a lover to Lellaj... I mean as usual. Later in the rainy season, Inah, a boy who looks like Harry Potter and a friend I considered dear asked me to meet him in the back of the school were we usually stayed to play or chat. It was such a rainy day, I got really wet waiting for him to show up that's when he came toward me with a shy face and confessed his feelings and asked me out. I felt happy and at the same time confused and felt like I can open my heart to him, I mean that's maybe a chance for me to end officially my feelings for Fessuoy. I was silent for some seconds, only the sound of rain falling on our heads. I saied "yes" because he was already a friend I cherish so I felt that yeah I can love him even more. I explained to him my situation with Lellaj so that he doesn't missunderstand. I didn't want him to feel betrayed or anything. We agreed to keep our relationship a secret too considering the situation. After that our relationship didn't really change, actually it didn't at all. My feelings didn't grow bigger or anything and he too didn't feel anything so we didn't last long and came back to be just friends. It was better that way. We are still young for such relationships, that's what I came to understand after all of this. Good thing, I was able to finally get rid of my feelings toward Fessuoy. That was great enough for me.
In the end of the year. We had to stay at school extra hours for review sessions, Fessuoy broke up with his girlfriend and was trying indirectly to get back to me. One day he came, apologized and tried to persuade me to come back to him and be his girlfriend. I didn't really like that, my feelings had finally came to an end and now he's frustrating me again. I knew that I should never do that again, not with him. I told him that I don't trust him anymore when it comes to love and that he's just a playboy who's using girls for his own good. He didn't give up tho and kept on trying everyday. My classmates tried to help him too. They thought we were sweet together and all. They just frustrated me more. At that time, I was on a fight with Ruon so I couldn't ask her for advice or just speak about my feelings. Simal wasn't there too, she wasn't going to pass the final exams (they were optional). She left to live in France after making her farewells. With all of this my sealed feelings came back and made things even harder and one day I've decided to get back to him. Fortunately he didn't show up that day nor the days after. It was for the best to be honest. We don't deserve each other. That's how that year ended.
I succeeded in the final exams and got the right to enroll the Elite's college. My parents were so proud and so was I too. It was the best thing that happened that year. After that, I said goodbye to all my classmates. We were all crying because we probably won't see each other again. We were together for 7 years that wasn't easy. We forgot all the bad things at that time and we just hugged and all. The only person I kept in touch with was Ruon.
For the first time in my life my parents allowed me to hang out with my bestie and meet in each other's house. We played a lot, talked a lot and danced a lot too. However Ruon became so obsessed with showing off and wanted to bragg about our relationship or be like those YouTubers. I didn't really agree that we needed to be like anyone but well if that could make her happy I decided to go along with that. As expected that wasn't a good idea and ended up cutting ties definitely. This time I didn't try to reach out or apologize as usual. I just got tired of that and decided to end it like that. We lost contact and didn't talk anymore after that.
(Ps: as you can see our education system is a little bit different we have primary school (6-7years), college (3years), high school (4years) and then university
