I'm Not Her

Two years since I had been to these roads driving through. Two years since I left. It was on the night of the release that he broke up with me. Without me asking for an explanation because I was too stunned for it.

I drove through the highway that led to the agency, I would lie if I said I did not remember that it was second anniversary of the movie I did two years back. And now I returned to get over all that happened to sign yet another movie as a pop singer. The passion I had practiced since very young age.

Silas had been my best friend through the high school than we went different ways entering the music industry I met him five years ago. The film industry and the music department had never been easy. Only the one with true desire could step up.

We started dating and just a year after the manger offered me a film with Silas. It was a hit, even now people talked about us. Even after two years fans DM me to sign a project with him since we looked so good and that our on scree chemistry was so good.

I did not know if he had heard of us, I did not know if he still thought about me or if he even cared. I had heard the rumors of him and his new girlfriend and here I was not able to move on with the relationship we had. The time we spent together and what we were.

I hated that I missed him. I hated how his reminder bought tears in my eyes Even now. The driver did not seem to recognize me since like the other he did not ask me questions or he liked to mind his own business. I blinked away the tears. As I grabbed the water bottle beside my hand bag.

I hated that he was but I could not move on. All that time away from this city I built myself to believe he was gone that we were no longer a couple and if I saw him in the public I’d act as if he was a ghost or illusion.

I wiped my sweaty palms against the fabric of my pants. A loud sigh that left me made the driver watch me from the front mirror.

“Are you alright Miss.” He asked looking over his shoulder as he pulled the clutch, stopping outside my door.

I slipped off the mask as it was not impolite to talk with that on. I assured him that everything was fine and he was nice enough to carry the suitcase to the door step. I handed him the money before I fished out the keys. Mother came in a few days ago to get the house clean before my arrival.

I rolled the luggage with me through the garage, to the left side was the lawn and I loved mother how she had set fresh grass and planted flowers. To the left was the space for a car pack but I had sold my car when I left so tomorrow I’d buy a car first before going to the agency.

I slipped the key in to the lock and pushed the door open greeted by the vacant rooms I stepped in to a small square passage way which had stair case leading up and ahead was a dining room with living room connected to it and opposite to it was an open kitchen.

I turned on the light in the hallway that was between them and dropped the case to the side as my hand bag on top of it as I went to the refrigerator and pulled the door open. Mother had restocked everything and a sticky note on the door said

I wish you came stay here longer. Love you Nessa

From your mom

A smile stretched on my lips as I sticked it back and took out the cold coffee. After a sip I set the bottle on the counter top as I went to take a bath to relax my tired body after a seventeen hours flight. I changed to silk night wear I went in the living room and pressed power button of the LCD.

I closed the microwave and set the frozen pizza to heat while I ate the strawberries. From the box mom had set after a good wash of the fruit. I logged in the Netflix as I came to sit on the couch with a comforter around me as the box of pizza which I was not willing to eat whole.

‘Never again’ was the movie I did with Silas. And today, two years back he broke up, our first project was released. The poster was not the thing I wanted to see right now. I hadn’t seen the movie yet. It was my dream to seem myself in a movie, onscreen I wanted to see how the chemistry I was but I was never brave enough to watch it.

I turned it off, not in the mood to watch any of it. I laid down my head rested on the cushion as I closed my eyes.

“Nessa we were not right.” He had said when he broke my heart. “I thought we could work it out but things get harder.” What did he mean? He blamed me for all of it like it was my fault. When all that happened was our friend died. What was my fault in it? Ethan did not die because of us. So how could he blame me for our relationship not working?

I let the silent tears run down the temples. The wounds felt so fresh and it had damaged me to my core. I too had grieved over Ethan’s suicide.

I went to bed after my skin care and the last thing I did was upload a picture on the social media before I drifted off. Besides the jet lag was so tired and sleepy that I woke up at five in the morning.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face with the cold water before I pulled on the tracksuit and went for jogging in the park just a street away. Winter just went by so it wasn’t so hot during the day.

My manager sent me the schedule and he had asked for a concert since fans here went wild after they knew that I had returned. I did not notify them yesterday since I was worn out to be gather by a crowd.