The darkest shade Ruby

“Reina! Would you come out of your room, please!”

"Reina!” my mother continuously called.

"Yes ma'am!” I yelled, stumbling as my head felt heavy from the lack of nutrients.

I wiped my tears with my sleeves, each drop becoming colder and colder, yet I could not take my eyes off the reflection that hunted me. I could still feel it…her hands wrapped around my throat, her thumb blocking my breathing tube.

It never fades.

Taking a deep breath, I turned the door nob, my heart racing as I had not been outside for more than three days.

I pushed slowly, and I'm instantly regretting my actions as the door flew open, revealing the person I had been running from, the person who poured fear down my throat like it was water.

Her cologne was a slap to my face, stuffing my nostrils. I attempted to drop my head down, only for my lips to get attacked as I stumbled back, her body guiding me against the wall as she pushes the door shut…

trapping my frame with her weight.

I tried to push her off, yet nothing—nothing, could help me as my back collided with the wall followed by a thump.

I froze… my body instantly submitting as she rubs against me, her teeth lightly biting on my bottom lip before she pulls away, desperately looking into my eyes, only to attack my lips once more, this time more aggressively as she was pushing her tongue in and exploring every corner inside my mouth as I clutch her shirt, feeling trapped while her tongue works wildly.

At last, she stops, sparing me a moment to breathe.

“God, I missed you,” she said under her breath.

Her words weren't enough—going to one ear and out the other; I felt cornered.

"Please, stop,” I screeched, continuously pushing on her chest until she finally put enough space between us.

Her gaze never leaving mine.

"Look, I know you're hurt, but I can't take back what I did,” she cupped my face.

"S'il te plait, mon amour,” she spoke once more, coming closer and closer until her hands were slowly locking mine against her palm. She places a kiss on my forehead, slowly guiding her fingers to my bruised neck and tracing the mess she had made.

"I promised love, I didn't mean to, you know I would never intentionally hurt you,” she pampered, connecting our lips.

I was shaking, trying not to fall into the same trap when she had promised that everything would be fine.

I wish I could forget all about that night, but the bruises weren't disappearing, they were forever, to remind me of what I got myself into.

"S'il te plaît,” she whispered, biting on the soft skin of her lips. I knew what she's doing, she knew it too, how every-time she spoke her twisted tongue, she had me at her mercy.

But not this time, not with how painful it was.

"F-fuck you, Rue,” I stuttered, the words struggling to make it out in one piece as I took another deep breath, trying to keep my voice from splintering.

"You—You don't get to do this. You don't get to come here and expect me to be all forgiven. Ruby, you lied, you promised me that no matter how bad you lost your shit, you'd never, ever take it out on me, but That's precisely what you did,” I yelled.

"I hate you, I hate that when I look into your eyes or even hear your voice I get excited, I hate how much I love you, I wish I could act like you didn't fucking choke me, but I can't look at myself in the mirror without being reminded of it…Do you even love me?” I cried.

Hurt and guilt flashes her eyes.

"Reinayah, You of all people know how much I love you, I live for you, and I'm well aware that I was in the wrong, so stop it, stop pushing me away” she whispered, her minty breath enough to send chills down my spine as she presses her body against mine.

I lost myself deep into her eyes before completely breaking down in her arms. It was as if I were walking on a memory lane, can we ever set this aside and go back to old time, maybe she was right when she had said "You're too young Rein, I love you, I really do, but you're a kid, I can't think of you more than that,” perhaps she never meant to date me in the first place…Is this all my fault; It wasn't until I turned fifteen that she finally gave me a chance, it had to mean something if she was willing to wait...Right?

Maybe my mother was right, Ruby isn't for me, the intimidation, the tattoos, and the lack of life in her eyes, was far from I had hoped was love for me.