Not Right Now
“The rich, sunset-specific orange casts itself upon the sky.
Creeping up over the cover of the rows of pine.
The summery blue darkening to a moody purple
This day and night cycle, bringing my mind back into this thoughtful circle”
-My first genuine attempt at poetry…
time heals all wounds (Hopefully this one ASAP)
The days have gotten longer with the warmer weather. Summer nights have their own unique spot in nature. They have a similar uniqueness in my head. One I like to avoid. Something philosophical lies in this summer night purple. It has been a long time since I’ve last noticed this purple. Now that I did, I tried to remember the last time I did. I couldn’t remember it. However, I did imagine that I was probably in the same spot. That scared me. I got a feeling that I haven’t made any progress since the last time I laid my eyes upon this special hue of purple. Now that my mind was on my progression, I started feeling worse. Which made me not only think that I haven’t made any “progress” but started slowly slinking my way backward. Which was a revelation I had just come upon.
I sat up in my bed. I didn’t want to stay inside when the weather was so presentable. I didn’t desire going outside either. The bed was comfortable, and that was the problem. It’s hard to escape it. I didn’t want to be in bed, I didn’t want to be anywhere.
I wanted to stop
I didn’t want to die, I wanted to stop… being? Everything to stop. To put a pause on my existence for a little bit. Just enough so I come back when everything is okay. I know everything will be okay… at some point I’ll figure things out. I always have, everyone has. it‘s just that sometimes…
It takes someone’s full existence to just keep living.
But keep living they will, and someday… They will have figured it all out, and it’ll be okay.
