The Woods of Doom

I stepped into the woods of doom, as the others all pointed weapons at me that would kill me if I tried to run back to them.

It had been determined that I would be the person to face the woods of doom this year.

But why was I facing the woods of doom?

Well, legend had it that if someone didn’t get fed to the woods of doom every year then monsters would come out and attack everybody.

Supposedly, the last time that people had refused to send anyone into the woods of doom was 47 years ago, and it supposedly hadn’t gone well.

Now I hadn’t been born yet 47 years ago, and so I didn’t know for sure if it was true, but ol’ Harvey (who had been sent into the woods of doom a couple of years ago) had sworn to me that it had been a nightmarish bloodbath that almost nobody had survived.

So far though, walking through the woods wasn’t hurting me, which I was glad for.

I looked behind me and saw that I couldn’t see any of the people who’d forced me into the woods anymore, and then I looked forward again.

Suddenly!, I ran into Harvey!

“Hey kid,” Harvey said, “so they sent you in here this year, eh?

Tough luck…”

“How are you still alive??” I asked, “I mean, you’ve been in here for 2 years!”

“I’m not…” Harvey said, and then he lifted up part of his shirt to reveal that a lot of his flesh was either missing or hanging on just barely.

“What are you?…” I asked, as I stepped back a bit; and he said, “I’m kind of a zombie, I guess.

Right now, I have enough memories and self-control to not eat you, but if you run into me at nighttime then I’ll try to eat you.”

I looked up and saw that the sun was setting.

“Ummmm…” I said nervously, “Maybe we should part ways then for now.

I mean, I don’t really wanna be eaten, ya know?”

“Good idea.” he said, “I’ll walk away, and you just need to make sure that you get yourself far enough from here that I won’t be able to find you.”

“Are there tons of other threats in these woods too?” I asked as he began walking away; and he said, “Oh yeah. Even if I don’t find you tonight, someone will probably get you.

There are lots of scary creatures here, and many of them will be after you if they know where you are.”

Then Harvey disappeared from sight, and I gulped as the sun got lower and lower.

I quickly ran away from where I’d been talking with Harvey, so that he wouldn’t be able to find me once the sun set and his self-control went away.

As I ran, I spotted a woman, and she warned me that if I were to make love with her then I’d die, though I might live on through a kid of mine that she’d have.

Hmmm… Maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad way to go?

But then I realized that I’d be potentially dooming a kid of mine to both grow up without a dad and grow up in the woods of doom.

I wasn’t a hero, but I didn’t wanna risk being that much of an @$$hole dad!

“Thanks for the warning.” I said, “I guess that you lose your self-control during the night too?”

She nodded guiltily, and said, “Yup. If you run into me during the night, then the daytime me can’t be blamed for what the nighttime me might do…”

“Is there any way out of this hellhole?” I asked, and she said, “Nobody has escaped yet, as far as I know, but escape might be possible.

That’s a big ‘might’ though.

It might also not be possible.”

“Gotcha.” I said; and I ran away from her at top speed.

Then I ran into a bear who said that I could seek refuge with him for the winter but that I’d have to leave before the spring might come.

Hmmm…

Was this bear just going to eat me though?

Probably…

And so I thanked the bear for his offer and kept on running.

The bear didn’t like my answer though, and he ran after me!

I was doomed!

Then!, just as the bear was about to catch me, I felt myself fall into a hole!

I’d been caught by a trap of some sort!

I landed in a huge pot of water, and I saw that there were flames beneath the pot but they hadn’t heated the water up too much yet because the water was still just warm.

I wanted to climb out of the pot, but it turned out that (even though the water was only warm) the pot itself was too hot to touch.

This meant that I couldn’t climb over the pot to escape.

Then a bunny came into sight and said, “Oh snap!

What are you doing in my pot?!?” and she hurriedly put out the fire that was beneath me.

“I fell into here.” I said, “Wasn’t that your trap that I fell into?”

Then I heard a voice say, “It was my trap!

I was playing a prank on the bunny!

Haha!” and I looked up and saw that it was the bear who was talking.

“Well thanks a lot!” the bunny huffed!, “Now I have to wait longer before I can cook my eggs in this pot!”

“You’re welcome!” the bear said with a grin, and then he walked away.

Once the pot cooled down enough, I got out of it, and the bunny got the fire going again and put some eggs into the pot.

“So am I in danger with you?” I asked; and the bunny said, “Kind of.

I won’t harm you, but you’ll only be allowed to live safely with me if you help me steal eggs.

Let’s call that your rent.

As long as you help me steal eggs every day (or almost every day, anyway) then you can stay here safely.“

“Have any humans stayed here before?” I asked; and the bunny shook her head and said, “Nope. And the only reason that you’re here is because that blasted bear pulled a big prank on me!

I mean, seriously, digging a trap-hole above my home?!?

Not cool, man. Not cool…

Anyway, my name’s Bunny, what’s yours?”

“I’ll just go by Human.” I joked; and she chuckled and said, “Fair enough, Human.

Tonight you’ll be able to hang out here safely, and tomorrow we’ll find out how egg-hunting will go for you…”