Chapter 1
Hi everyone!
Please be aware that this is not a traditional boyxboyxboy story where all the characters fall in love and love each other equally and everything is hunky dory. The story also deals with pedophilia and sexual abuse, which some readers may find triggering.
This is a previously published Wattpad story. This is the very original story and needs editing
2018
Liam Walsh
Jeremy Sawyer...Jeremy Sawyer...I wrote his name over and over again in my notebook while Mr. McGuiness droned on and on about some Shakespeare tragedy or something like that. I hated Shakespeare, so I really wasn't paying attention. I hated school. But I liked Jeremy Sawyer who sat two desks away from me, third row from the back. One of the school's top football players, he was only able to attend St. Ignatius Academy because of a full scholarship. His uniforms weren't as new and pretty or shiny as most students' uniforms, especially his shoes. They were scuffed and worn out. He didn't drive a fancy car. In fact, he didn't even have a car. He took the train everyday.
In other words, Jeremy Sawyer was poor, but he pretended he was well-to-do like most of the other kids in the school. He was a pretty good actor, too, popular and well-liked mostly because he could run and catch a ball. Before his tragic death, his older brother was some big time football player for the University of Michigan. At the age of twenty, he was killed by a drunk driver in a car accident. Don't ask me how I knew all these things. I had good ears. It must have been exhausting pretending to be someone I was sure he wasn't. His eyes were too pure and innocent. I bet he went along with whatever his douchebag friends did just so he'd continue to fit in and be "one of the guys."
Sitting at his desk, he flicked his pen back and forth, occasionally biting the tip, doing his best to pay attention. I doubt half the class was paying attention; English was the last class of the day and most of us were brain dead by the end of the day.
Putting my observations, assumptions, and judgments, and possibly rumors aside, I had no idea who Jeremy Sawyer really was. I wondered if anyone really knew who he was besides the kid with the football scholarship. Was he just like all the rest? Was he different because he wasn't a rich boy? I really wanted to know.
Jeremy Sawyer was...well, he was the cutest, most beautiful, and intriguing boy in the whole school, the biggest crush I'd ever had.
Fifteen minutes into class, Nick Kavanagh interrupted my daydreaming, barging into the classroom in typical Nick Kavanagh fashion, going directly to the only empty seat in the class, which just happened to be the desk behind mine. He was always late to class. We were in the same Physics class, too and he was always late for that class, too. Why even bother coming to class? Why bother coming to school? Everyone knew he received special attention because he was Mr. McGuiness's son, the head of the English department, his stepson and the only reason he attended the school.
Nick's blond locks hung over his face as he opened his notebook. A few class members laughed at him. He was actually kind of comical with his untucked shirt and loose tie.
"I fucking hate these things," he whispered loudly to the boy sitting beside him. He flung his tie on the floor.
"Are you done making a scene, Mr. Kavanagh?" the teacher said. "Do you have a tardy slip?"
"Yep," he answered boisterously, holding up his slip. It was amazing how he always had a tardy slip. "Hey, beautiful, do you have a pen I can borrow?" He was also always shooting his mouth off, so I wasn't sure who he was talking to until he poked the back of my shoulder with his finger. Beautiful? I wanted to say "shut the fuck up," but I'd never swear aloud in class. Actually, I never said anything in class. My cheeks burned, so I knew they must have turned bright red. I blushed so damn easily. I searched my bag and handed him a pen. "Thanks, sweetheart." Sweetheart? Did he have to flaunt his gayness? It wasn't like he was flaming or anything, but he definitely was out and proud.
"Can we focus now?" Mr. McGuiness said.
"I'm focusing," Nick said.
Kids wouldn't dare say anything derogatory to Nick (at least to his face) since he was a teacher's son. Mr. McGuinness had been teaching at this school for twenty years. Even though my father was a judge and my mother a state senator, I didn't believe that would stop kids from making my life miserable if I came out. I had my own set of problems, like most teenagers I guess. Painfully shy at times with occasional panic attacks, I preferred to keep to myself, never one with a lot of friends. I had a hard time making and keeping friends. It wasn't like I was ashamed to be gay. I just wished I wasn't.
I wondered how Nick came out and whom he told first. Rumor had it he spent a lot of time in the church, often seen hanging out with the priests. The school was full of them. Rumors...only rumors. Maybe he was just super religious. I was sure if I asked Nick he'd tell me. The boy had no shame. At the same time, I didn't want to associate myself with him. I didn't want any rumors spread about me. I preferred to just keep to myself.
Boy, was I lonely.
Jeremy Sawyer...I returned my attention to my notebook. I wrote his name again and again. As if to sense I was up to something, Jeremy glanced over in my direction. Nick must have noticed him, too, because he blew him a kiss. Jeremy's face turned bright red. If looks could kill....He looked really, really pissed. Wow....his eyes were really beautiful...beautiful brown eyes. Long eyelashes. I shifted in my seat, fighting off my hard on.
"He's cute, isn't he?" Nick whispered to me.
"What?" I said, my voice louder than I intended. Did he know something no one else did? I mean, was it that obvious? "Ssh. You're going to get in trouble."
"Yeah, whatever," he said. "He's not as cute as you, though." I really wished he'd stop flirting with me. Maybe I gave off gay vibes so he knew the truth. Just to be safe, I turned the page of my notebook to an empty page.
At the end of class, Nick politely returned my pen, no sign of that same, obnoxious boy that interrupted the class. "Thanks," he said, hesitating before getting up. He seemed miles away, lost in his own thoughts. His eyes were big and blue and so...so...very sad and distant, like he was on the verge of tears.
"Are you okay?" I asked him as boys milled out of the classroom. At first he didn't respond, so I repeated the question in case he didn't hear me.
"Um...uh...what?" he said.
"Are you okay?" I asked for the third time.
"Yeah," he said. "Fine." Finally he stood up. "Thanks for asking." As I continued to sit there, I watched him leave the classroom. While everyone else wore black or brown shoes, Nick wore sneakers. Maybe he needed to wear sneakers because he seemed to walk on his toes. I never noticed that before. He forgot his tie, which still lay on the floor. I picked it up and put it in my bag.
My younger sister, Ericka, fourteen, attended school for children with disabilities. She had her own nanny who drove her to school and picked her up everyday. Although she had Down Syndrome, that didn't stop her from living a normal life, as normal as could be for someone with a disability. She liked baseball and participated in the Special Olympics every year. Janine Moreau had been her nanny since she was born. She was my nanny at one time, too, but I no longer needed her. I had my own car and was more or less responsible for myself now. Janine also did all the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping because our parents were always so busy with their jobs. Our parents tried to be home by six everyday, but that didn't always happen. Our older sister, Cassie, was twenty-one and a senior at Georgetown University. Her goal was to be a lawyer and work for the ACLU or underprivileged and save the world. Good luck to her, I thought. I was the cynical one in the family. Was the world really worth saving? Maybe...for the sake of Ericka.
"Hi, Liam," she exclaimed as I entered the kitchen. She sat at the table with a glass of milk and plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies. They smelled fresh. "Want a cookie?" She picked up one from her plate and held it out for me to take.
"Thank you," I said. "They smell good."
"How was your day?" Janine asked as I sat down beside Ericka. Janine's four children were all grown with their own children. She had at least eight grandchildren.
"Fine," I said. Everything was always "fine" or "okay." When I was really bored, I'd go running. No one knew I ran; no one except for Ericka and Janine. I liked to listen to music while running. It's what kept me reasonably sane.
"Are you going to go for a run?" Janine asked. "It's a beautiful day."
"Maybe," I mumbled with a mouthful of cookie.
After finishing my cookie and milk, which Ericka graciously shared with me, I went upstairs to my room. Behind my closed doors, I took out my phone, opening my photos. I was ashamed to admit I secretly took a pic of Jeremy at football practice, wearing his tight-fitting football pants and jersey. If he or anyone ever found out, I'd just die. I wasn't really some stalker, just hopelessly in love with this boy I had never even said hi to. Before changing into my running gear, I sat in my underwear on my bed. Reaching inside my underwear, I shamelessly jerked off to my number one crush of all time.
