Losing His Fix

Kit’s POV

My heart raced as the wind blew through my hair. The wheels of the skateboard made the ride feel smooth and I couldn’t help but smile as I thought of the picture of Roland on the underside of the board.

It’s been a week since I graduated from camp and it felt so freeing. I was hardly ever in my apartment until it got dark; it felt too nice to be out in public. It’s been years since I had been allowed to roam without an adult being present. Town Day had Mary, rehab didn’t let us out at all, and the foster family that sent me to rehab had me grounded for months straight because of my behavior at school; this past week didn’t have any of that and it was heaven.

Nathan followed beside me on the right with a skateboard he had bought when he still lived with his parents. Anthony was being a nuisance to society by riding on my left and taking up every bit of room on the sidewalk, still a bit clumsy from not riding as recently as the rest of us but managing to keep up. Cody rode behind us, still trying to figure out the mechanics of the new board he had got when he noticed the rest of us already had one and demanded to be a part of the group.

People yelled and cursed at us as we rode through town. We swerved between groups of people, screamed and laughed over the music in our ears and the loud sounds of the city, raced through the busy sidewalks, and were overall horrible people but I didn’t care.

We had been out for hours at this point, just riding around and getting used to having freedom again but sweat was starting to pour down our faces and it was quickly becoming dinner time. I sighed as I turned down the sidewalk to lead us home and thankfully no one objected.

“I don’t see how you people find this to be fun,” Cody groaned as he flopped onto the couch face-first the second we got into the apartment, his board being discarded on the floor without a care in the world.

“No one said you had to come,” Anthony said as he picked up the skateboard and leaned it up against the wall with the rest of ours.

“And be here by myself,” Cody asked with a scoff. “Absolutely not.”

“Then don’t complain,” Nathen said as he ruffled his hair before moving to the kitchen. “What are we doing for dinner? We have no food here.”

“We don’t have much money either,” Cody said, his face still smooched into the couch cushions. “We could get some cheap takeout but that’s about our only option.”

“Unless someone’s sugar daddy of a boyfriend wants to send us some money real quick,” Anthony teased as he put an elbow on my shoulder. I pushed him off with a scoff.

“He’s not a personal ATM,” I said with a glare. “Besides, he needs to save his money so he’s not in the same boat as us when he leaves camp.”

“I was just teasing,” Anthony said with a frown. “I don’t want his money. I didn’t think about how that would sound; sorry.”

“It’s okay, just don’t ever say that if I’m ever on the phone with him. He would send his entire profit every time he sold a car if he heard any say we needed extra cash. Besides, I made bank last night in tips, we can afford to order something as long as someone picks it up and we don’t have to pay a delivery fee.” Thank god for Andrew getting me a decent job. The work itself wasn’t hard, it was a high-end restaurant and waiting tables wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. The nightly tips had been a big help with the moving and weekly pay would help keep us afloat until the rest of them got their paychecks.

Andrew had gone above and beyond. He didn’t have to but he offered to help my friends get jobs as well, still using places that were owned by alumni from camp. At first, they had refused, saying they didn’t want to take spots from kids that would need it and actually went to camp but after several interviews with no luck they caved and Andrew had jobs for all of them the next day.

“Not it,” Cody said quickly.

“Not it,” Anthony said way too seriously as he put a finger on his nose.

“If I’m paying for it then I’m not getting it,” I said as I pulled out the phone from my back pocket and looked up budget-friendly places in the area.

“I guess that just leaves me,” Nathan said with a shrug. “I don’t mind it, gives me more time outside anymore.”

“Bet,” Cody said as he laid his head back down.

“Then you’re calling it in,” I said as I tossed my phone at Anthony. He groaned but excused himself to his bedroom to order everything. We had been eating from this same place almost every day this week so he already knew what everyone wanted.

“So when do you get to call lover boy,” Nathan asked as he put his shoes back on and picked up his board from the wall.

“Tomorrow,” I said as I sat down on the couch. “I’m nervous. It’s been a week. So much could have happened in a week.”

“How much trouble could he possibly get into at a secure camp?”

“I’m not worried about him getting in trouble. I’m worried that he’s had a shitty week and wants to jump the fence after only a week.”

“He wants to jump the fence,” Cody asked as he sat up to make room for Anthony.

“He used to. He found a gap in the fence a few months after being there and kept it as a backup plan in case it got too much worse. I got him to tell people and they got it fixed but I wouldn’t be surprised if he found a different way out.”

“He wouldn’t leave without a heads up, would he?”

“He said he wouldn’t but if things get too bad at random, I wouldn’t put it past him.” Nathan frowned at that.

“He does remember what foster care was like right,” Nathan asked.

“Very much in fact. He hated it.”

“And he wants to leave camp? That place sounded like heaven in comparison.”

“People are shitty to him,” I said with a sigh. “They push him around and call him names from what he’s told me. One kid smashed the windshield of a car he was working on for literally no reason. He was really scared the bullying would get worse without me so I would get it if left with no warning but I hope it doesn’t come to that.” Cody glared at that.

“I will personally go to that camp and beat all of those little punks up.”

“I’ll stand watch,” Nathan said before heading out the door with a promise to be back soon.

“Have a little faith in him,” Anthony said with a small smile. “If he said he will give you a heads up then you should trust him.”

I knew he was right but I couldn’t stop myself from worrying about him. I doubted I ever could until I saw him face to face every day again.

“Will we get to meet him at some point?”

“At some point. He doesn’t like new people that much so we’ll have to ease each of you in one at a time. Anthony goes first. You’re the most chill so that will probably be for the best.”

“That’s insulting,” Cody scoffed. “Clearly I am the most chill.”

“You literally started screaming yesterday with no warning because you didn’t know where everyone was,” I said as I rolled my eyes.

“I thought you left without me,” he defended weakly, a small blush covering his face.

“What about when you randomly come up behind people and blow air in their ears?”

“That’s not even a weird thing to do.”

“It’s kind of weird,” Anthony said with a grimace, hiding his ears in case Cody got any ideas.

“I can do better,” he said with a pout as he crawled on top of me. “I can meet him first!”

“The fact that you are doing this right now is exactly why you are meeting him last.” He scowled at me before blowing in my ear and flopping back down the couch, his head in my lap as his feet stretched out over Anthony.

“Hand me the remote. I don’t want to talk to you people anymore.”

I loved these people and I loved having freedom. I had craved this feeling the second my foster parents grounded me for the last time. Still, I tried the freedom for Roland. At least, I think I would. I wanted both equally. This past week has been the best week I’ve had in years and the only thing that would make it better was if Roland was here with me.

Roland’s POV

“How would you say this week has been for you,” Andrew asked with a small smile on his face.

The windows were open and it felt nice. My eyes followed a bird as it dug around in the grass, jumping around from place to place without a care in the world, probably not even realizing it was playing in literal hell.

“Roland.” My head snapped up to his. His eyes were gentle but the smile wavered. “How has your week been without Kit?” I shrugged.

“Fine, I guess.”

“Just fine? You’ve been pretty quiet all week.” I shrugged again.

“It’s fine.”

“What have you been doing with your free time? I know you are in between cars at the moment and you usually spend your free time with Kit in the art room, have you been going in there? And please don’t just shrug. You’re supposed to get a new car tomorrow but I can’t let you work on it unless we have a productive session.”

“I haven’t been there since Kit left. I didn’t like it in there but Kit wanted to go so I went but I don’t like it.”

“What have you been doing then?” I look away from him.

The bird had left and I hated that I didn’t have the distraction anymore.

The trees waved in the slight breeze and it was nice. A small bit of wind squeezed through the window and moved my hair. I breathed in the cool air.

“Have you left the cabin for anything other than for food or sessions?” I shook my head. He sighed.

“You can’t isolate yourself. You need to work on getting out more.”

“I don’t want to though.”

“I’m not saying you have to go out and talk to people or try to make friends but even just getting out of the cabin for a few hours a day could help you feel more confident without Kit. And the fresh air is good for you. Can you work on that for me?”

“And do what? There’s nothing to do here.”

“There are plenty of things to do here.”

“Things that don’t involve other people?”

“Sure. You could take a canoe out by yourself or even just sit out by the lake and enjoy nature or take a swim. And if you don’t want to do anything that involves the lake you could watch some of the sports games people organize.”

“I don’t like boats, lake water is gross, and sports are stupid.”

“You have to try something, Roland.” I huffed.

“You didn’t have a problem with it when I first got here,” I said with a glare as I sunk down into the chair.

“It was still a problem back then,” Andrew said with a small glare of his own. “We just didn’t have the trust to address it. Now that we do I’d like to find ways to change that. Do you like reading? Maybe you could set aside an hour or so a day to read outside when it’s this nice out and you actually have time.” I only shook my head, and his frown deepened.

“How about just spending time outside? Just an hour a day to go walk around, get some sun and air. You don’t even have to talk to anyone, just being outside can improve your mental health.”

“My mental health is fine.” He raised an eyebrow at me and I blushed. “Fine. One hour a day outside but that’s it.”

“That’s all I ask,” he said, the tension in his shoulders relaxing slightly. “How have you been feeling with Kit?’

“Sad. Happy. Confused.”

“Can you elaborate?’

“Sad that he’s gone. Happy that he made it out and is probably happy. Confused as to how I’m happy and sad at the same time.”

“That’s normal. Have you been anxious at all?”

“No.” He didn’t seem to believe me but it was the truth.

“I know Kit used to get all of your food for you. How are you doing with going into the cafeteria by yourself?”

“Fine. I use the earplugs you got me and I’m only in there long enough to turn in the old plate and get a new one before I leave.”

“That’s good. I know that was something you were worried about.” I looked back out the window. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I wanted to go back into the cabin. I wanted to sit in my bed and hold the mold of Kit’s hand and think about all the stupid things he would be talking about.

“Can I leave now?” It had been over our usual hour; the first 30 minutes had just been me staring at the window but per our rules of having a productive session for every car, Andrew had forced me to stay for the 30 minutes I had wasted.

“Sure,” he said with a frown. I get up from the chair the second the words leave his mouth but pause when he puts a hand out to stop me. “If anything changes and you suddenly aren’t ‘fine’ you know where to find me and Mary, alright? Please come find us if you need us. Even if it’s late or you think it’s not important, we want to know about it.”

“I get it but I’m fine.”

“If you say so. Remember, one hour a day outside.”

“I know.”

He seemed nervous for some reason as I left but didn’t try to stop me anymore.

I rushed back to the cabin. It was nice outside and I liked it but I missed Kit and didn’t feel like enjoying things without him.

Besides, tomorrow we would get to call each other for the first time and I was so ready for it. If I hurried and went to sleep the best day of the week would happen sooner and if I hurried through the next week it would come sooner again and before long I would be able to leave camp and see Kit again.

The thought brought a smile to my face.

I couldn’t help but be excited for tomorrow. It was hard to sleep but after a while, I drifted off and dreamt of Kit. I dreamed about his smile and his laugh and the way his smooth skin felt pressed against my hand.

It was the best dream I had for a while.

2.

Roland’s POV

I frowned as I sat in a lawn chair in front of the office and swatted at a bug that had landed on my arm. It was hot, the sun was far too bright, people screamed from every direction simply because they could, and when the door to the office slammed for the fourth time this hour I was reminded why I hated the outdoors so much.

I had never liked being outside. Bugs were gross, I always got sunburnt, and people were usually outside too which didn’t help. Dad had understood. Dad said being outside was the closest thing to hell that we could get to on earth and that’s why he built a shop, so he could do outside things indoors.

Kit had made the outside better, with his constant talking and loud laugh, and impossibly bright smile; now that he was gone it was the last place I wanted to be but I had made a deal with Andrew and I wasn’t going to give up on it so soon.

Besides, it was Call Day. That’s what Mary had called it. Anyone who had friends that had recently left camp could call them once a month just to catch up. I would be a special case, she told me a few weeks before Kit left. We would get once a week with the hope of slowly transitioning to once a month like everyone else but for now, I was happy that I was getting an acceptation.

I had been sitting here for a while now, letting the others call their friends first so Kit and I could have a longer time before Mary called it for the day. People came and went and it had been nearly two hours since I had wandered along but I was okay with that. I was also waiting for Kit. Mary said she didn’t have his number yet so we would have to wait for him to call us, which was another reason I was waiting directly outside the door. If he called and I was too far away that would cut into our time and I wasn’t going to let that happen.

At the three-hour mark, Mary came to sit beside me with a sad smile on her face.

“You don’t have to sit out here,” she said after a few minutes of us just staring at the front yard. Some kids were kicking a ball with some made-up rules that I didn’t understand. “If you want to go do something else I can come get you when he calls.”

“I’d rather wait here, thank you.”

“Maybe come inside then? It’s pretty hot out here today, I don’t want you to overheat.” I cringed at the thought. The front office was gross. They had slowly begun to fix it up with the money from my donations but there was still water damage on the ceilings and the industrial lights made me want to scoop my eyes out so I wouldn’t have to look at them, not to mention the god awful hum they made constantly.

She must have seen the look on my face and saw it wasn’t going to happen because she didn’t say anything for a while after that.

“There’s only an hour left of Call Day,” she said with a frown. I frowned too. Even if he called right now, an hour wasn’t nearly enough time to catch up on everything. “He might not have been able to get a phone in time. Or he could be working. I want you to brace yourself for the possibility that he might not be able to call today.”

“He’s going to call,” I said, not bothering to look away from the kids playing; their game really didn’t make any sense. One team cheered while the others groaned and I could only assume they had lost.

“But if he doesn’t-,”

“But he’s going to. He promised.” She sighed before turning her full attention to me.

“Can you look at me please?” I did and all I saw staring back at me were concerned eyes. “The first month or so away from camp is the hardest. A lot of people don’t have time to even make appointments with their therapists, let alone call friends. We do what we can to set them up for success but adjusting to being on your own is hard and I don’t want you to be upset if he isn’t able to call today. There’s always next week.”

“I don’t want to talk to him next week, I want to talk to him now.”

“I know,” she said with a frown. “But it might not work out that way today. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just something that happens the first few weeks.” I glared at her before turning my attention back to the yard; the kids had started up a new game with different teams.

I tried not to be sad at her words. I tried reminding myself that I was used to this. People left all the time and rarely had time for me after they did. It wasn’t the first time it had happened and I doubted it would be the last time but I had hoped Kit would be different. He promised.

“I think I’ll wait here for a bit longer,” I said, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

“Do you mind if I sit here with you,” she asked, her eyes moving back to the yard but she still perched on the edge of the seat as if she were ready to leave the second I told her to.

“I don’t care.” She hummed before leaning back and getting comfortable in her seat. We watched as people came and went from the office; some were enjoying the phones, others just had basic questions, and a few came and talked to Mary. She spoke to them with wide smiles and hugged a few of them after they left. None of them spared me a second glance and I was happy for it. I just wanted them to leave and was thankful when they did.

My hands fidgeted in my lap as the time went on. Kit had promised. He would call. He already told me he was going to buy a cheap phone on his first day out of camp so he would have a phone so he could call so he was going to call.

We only had thirty minutes left. I sighed as I stood up from the chair.

“You’re leaving,” Mary asked, a frown replacing the smile she had held on to this entire time. “There’s still time.”

“I’m going to get dinner before it gets too crowded,” I said with a frown of my own. Maybe if I distracted myself I would forget he was supposed to call today. Mary looked like she wanted to argue with me but only sighed as I inched closer to the stairs.

“Alright then, I’ll come get you if he calls. Do you mind if I check up on you here in a little bit? Just to see how you’re doing?” I shrug but don’t answer.

My chest felt hollow as I walked to the cafeteria and tears that I refused to let fall burned my eyes. I tried to remind myself that I was expecting this; that I knew it would happen eventually. Everyone leaves eventually and no one bothers to keep in touch after. They’re probably just happy that they don’t have to pretend to like the weird kid anymore.

I brushed away a tear as I stood in line for dinner, trying to ignore the way my shoulder was being pushed from behind and unkind words were being whispered only inches away. I hated it here.here…