Chapter 1
Carmen
“Carmen!” paparazzi screamed my name as the blur of white lights flashed before me. Same shit, different day.
I turn on the charm, giving them my best angle, glancing at Gia at the end of the line. My manager stands with two phones in her hand, mouthing ‘smile.’ I roll my eyes at her, turning my attention back to the obnoxious photographers with a wave and a megawatt smile, moving down the line. The photographers complain despite getting a hundred shots. I hold in another eye, roll as I brush my hair behind my shoulders, slip from the carpet, and meet Gia.
“Do you have my party favor?”
Gia tries not to grimace as she casually slips the upper into my palm, away from leering eyes. I ignore the judgment that graces her face as I snag a champagne flute from a passing server. This after-party better not blow.
I plop the tiny pill into my mouth, letting the chilled champagne wash it down.
“Carmy, you need to be careful with those,” Gia says while typing away on her phone.
She pretends to care, but she just doesn’t want a scandal. Besides, they’re prescribed. Did the label say not to drink or use them recreationally? Sure but, this was Hollywood.
“Okay, Mom. Speaking of which. Where is my Mother?” I asked, surveying the crowd.
My cast mates filtered around, talking to each other and avoiding me. I try not to let it bother me. I knew I wasn’t always the easiest to work with onset, but try being an overworked actress from the ripe age of sixteen until twenty-four and tell me you’re an easy-going person. It would be a lie. The pressure that came from this job was crushing, but the love of the craft kept me here. Doing the same damn thing I always did. Smiling and playing the part.
I smooth the black dress that hugs my form. I may be no one’s favorite, but I was the reason we were having a world premiere. My co-stars should all thank me, not avoid me like the plague.
“She told me she had to catch a flight back to Montana. She sends her love.” Gia says, glancing at me for longer than two seconds. I ignore the sting of her words. It wasn’t like it was shocking. My mother’s absence these days is more familiar than her presence. The ache in my chest slowly falls away as the pill takes effect, leaving me light. The negative thoughts of my rather strained relationship with my parents melt away.
“Thank god,” I say with a light laugh, gulping down the rest of my champagne.
She only nods and goes right back to her phone. I slip away into the crowd, ready for another drink. Or ten. The night was young and all.
Valley Rhodes was on track to success, and there were whispers on the horizon that it was Oscar-worthy. I snagged the lead role last year, and after six months of shooting, I was more than ready for it all to wrap up.
“Carmy!” Josh, my co-star and a pain in my ass, calls me over to the open bar. I try not to narrow my eyes as I push my hair back and stride over, the sound of my heels clicking across the marble floor.
“Josh.” I acknowledge him before turning to the bartender. It was always the same at events like these. Everyone dressed to the nines and pretended they gave a shit about one another.
“Gin and Tonic, please.” She nods before working on my drink.
“She has manners,” Josh says with amusement.
Josh Bowers was one of Hollywood’s flavor of the year. Typical all-American boy next door who finally got his big break. He was a mediocre talent but could pass on good looks. He also thought he was God’s gift to acting. His dark hair is slicked back, thick dark brows line dark blue eyes, his jaw is smooth from a fresh shave. I don’t think he even grew enough facial hair to consider shaving. An Armani suit covers his average 5’11 frame. Typical.
“Reserved for those who deserve it,” I reply cooly while offering a smile as the bartender slips me my drink. I was buzzing off champagne and Xanax, and not even this prick could break it.
“Come on, Carmy. Lose the attitude and let’s have fun.” He says with a giant smile, throwing his arm across my shoulders. I stiffened at the contact, eyeing his arm as if it were diseased.
“How do you propose we have fun?” I ask, lifting a brow in his direction. His cologne fills my nose at his proximity. An obnoxious scent, rather fitting for him.
“I have a premier present.” He whispers, wiggling his brows. My body hums with alcohol, and my reservations fade. I may have had a few cocktails before the red carpet.
Fuck it.
“Show me.”
He only grins, dropping his hand to mine and pulling me away. I spot Gia breaking through the crowd, and I duck behind Josh. I didn’t want to listen to her all night. She was already babbling about the next big project, and I didn’t want to think about the next round of shooting. I wanted to relax.
I smile at the other celebrities filing in, and they fake a smile just like everyone else. They had to be nice to me tonight.
Josh pulls me through crowds of people until we’re inside a single-stall bathroom with marble floors and black countertops. I only sip my drink in annoyance until he pulls a little bag of white power from his suit pocket.
“Party favor?” He asks with a wink.
“Maybe I don’t hate you, Josh.”
The bathroom glows under warm lights as he dumps the powder onto the counter, cutting it into fine lines.
I sway on my kitten heels, gripping the counter as the end trail of my pill catches up with me, mixing with the champagne and gin.
I wasn’t always this way. I used to run off coffee and a dream. Except now, the dream was my reality. My parents made me into a star and then disappeared when it shined too bright–home to Montana, claiming they hated the fame. They didn’t hate the checks I wrote out to them. Despite the drugs and alcohol keeping me high, nothing could rid me of the bone deep exhaustion. The sound of snorting pulls me from my depressing thoughts.
Josh pinches his nose as his pupils blow, the effect of the cocaine hitting immediately. I eye him and the pile, hesitating for only a moment before I drop and snort, not one but two lines, willing the drugs to numb me from the bottomless ache that never went away.
My nose burns, and my head rushes with the high pumping through my veins. A light laugh falls from my lips as I stare into the mirror. I laugh at the powder covering my nose and blown pupils, a stark contrast to the makeup that was plastered on my face. I looked like what I was.
An A-list actress with a drug problem.
A fucking cliche.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh. Unless it was for a scene, that is.” My eyes snap to Josh’s through the mirror, and I roll my eyes at his rambling. I didn’t need him psychoanalyzing me and ruining my buzz.
I was over his company.
“Thanks for the gift.” My words sound far away as I grab my drink and slip from the bathroom. My heart pounds against my ribcage. The crowd has my head swirling as I stumble through, looking for Gia.
All heads turn towards me, their eyes widening in horror.
What the hell was the problem?
My vision doubles as I stumble around. I don’t feel good. My vision tunnels, and I spot Gia, who splits into two.
“Carmen!” she says, her voice a high shrill. I scrunch my nose at the sound. At least I think I do. I can’t tell because my face is numb—five more steps. I only make it three before my vision goes black, and the sounds of screams fill the room before I fall unconscious.
Some fucking premiere.
