Every Breat Is You [BL]

I was walking slowly along the sidewalk, my bag gently bumping against my hip with each step. Usually, this walk to school was almost automatic, but this morning, it felt strangely unreal, as if every detail of the landscape was slipping further away from me with each passing moment.

My father’s words played on a relentless loop in my head:

“We haven’t made a decision yet. But if it can ease the expenses and let you continue your studies in better conditions, we might have to move. We want to give you the best, and going into debt isn’t an option.”

Move.

The word sounded hollow yet heavy, like an anvil suspended above my head. The thought of leaving this neighborhood, these streets I knew by heart, was almost unbearable. Those familiar faces – Ji-Won, Do-Hyun, Mi-Yeon – the bonds I had spent so much time building, all risked vanishing. I knew I wasn’t the kind of person who could start over somewhere new.

I sighed, blending into the frosty December air. I tried to rationalize. Maybe this is for the best. A new city, a new school… maybe it’s what I need. But the thought of losing them… it was like a cold hand gripping my heart and refusing to let go.

As I arrived at the school gates, the contrast struck me. Laughter, animated conversations among the other students floated in the air like a bubble of normalcy I no longer felt part of. The weight of my thoughts isolated me, and I didn’t want to – no, I couldn’t – face any of it. I lowered my eyes, avoiding gazes, skirting groups of students, and headed straight for my classroom.

When I pushed the door open, a few faces turned toward me, curious, but I ignored them. My usual seat, in the back left corner, called to me like a refuge. I sank into it, placing my bag down almost automatically.

The conversations around me grew increasingly blurred, like a distant background noise. The classroom was filling up, but I remained locked in my bubble. My thoughts overwhelmed me. The morning had barely begun, yet my mind was already a battlefield.

I placed my hand on my chest, feeling the tension beneath my fingers. This capricious heart, which always seemed to remind me of a certain fragility, was beating harder than usual. Maybe it was anxiety. Maybe it was something else. But at that precise moment, I felt exhausted, crushed under the weight of an uncertain future.

And, as had often been the case lately, a thought emerged, slipping into my mind with the softness of a whisper and the force of a storm. A memory, a face. Ji-Won. I shook my head, trying to banish the image, but it lingered, as inevitable as a heartbeat. What would he think, I wondered, if I had to leave?

I couldn’t help but wonder: Does he care about me the way I care about him? But I knew I didn’t have the privilege of being close to him… at least, not in the way I wished.

I sighed again, letting my head fall onto the desk. Maybe it was better this way. Fewer attachments. Fewer regrets.

And yet… a part of me hoped he might be the reason I could stay. I patted my cheeks, trying to shake off these thoughts. Why was I getting so carried away? It was just an idea my father had mentioned, not reality. At least, not yet.

— What are you doing here? I asked mechanically, without even lifting my head. His presence was already enough for me to know who had just walked in.

— Nice to see you missed me so much, a familiar voice replied, laced with mockery.

Do-Hyun dropped heavily into the chair in front of me, a mischievous grin on his lips.

— We have class together this morning, dummy. Check your schedule for once.

Before I could reply, Mi-Yeon burst in, a colorful scarf trailing behind her like a flag.

— You’re absolutely hopeless, Ha-Jin, she said, placing her bag on the table with an overly dramatic gesture. “It’s Monday, airhead. We all have class together.”

I didn’t have time to respond. A voice, deep and smooth, sliced through the air behind me.

— Don’t tell me you forgot again?

My heart skipped a beat. That voice… It had an almost cruel ability to trigger an uncontrollable cascade of emotions within me. A voice belonging to the one person capable of turning my day into emotional chaos: Ji-Won.

I turned slowly, almost reluctantly. There he was, leaning casually against the doorframe, staring at me with that lopsided grin that caused far too many hearts in this school to falter. He started moving toward Do-Hyun.

Do-Hyun, clearly irritated by this dramatic entrance, exclaimed:

— Seriously, Ji-Won, go sit somewhere else. Don’t you have other victims to charm today?

Ji-Won didn’t lose his smile and sat down to his right, completely ignoring Do-Hyun.

— Don’t tell me I’m making an impression on you? he said with a laugh, a mischievous spark in his eyes.

Do-Hyun nearly choked.

— Haha! In your dreams ! Who would want to date someone like you? he retorted quickly.

Ji-Won raised an eyebrow.

— Someone like me?

— Everyone knows you have all the girls in this school wrapped around your finger. Don’t tell me you’ve never… you know, done stuff...

Ji-Won burst out laughing—a genuine laugh, but with a faint tinge of bitterness.

— Just because you do disgusting things doesn’t mean everyone else does. Besides, who knows? Maybe I’m not interested in girls.

My breath caught. My mind raced, trying to make sense of his words. Was he serious? Part of me wanted to believe he was. Another part refused to even consider it.

Do-Hyun rolled his eyes.

— Oh, stop it. Last year, you said that kind of relationship disgusted you. And besides, that shouldn’t be an excuse. They’re feelings, emotions, like any other kind of love.

— I never said otherwise, Ji-Won added, his gaze lingering slightly on mine.

The classroom's ambient noise gradually faded into a haze. I couldn’t really hear their voices anymore, just fragments, distant echoes. My mind had drifted, caught in an awkward, dangerous thought: What if I had a chance?

My cheeks burned instantly. I quickly lowered my eyes to my notebook, hoping no one would notice the warmth spreading through me. But Ji-Won seemed to sense my thoughts. I could feel his gaze on me—heavy, piercing, almost too intense.

Ji-Won, sitting by the window, flashed me a dazzling smile. Do-Hyun, arms crossed, shook his head with mock exasperation. The familiar warmth of the room, the buzz of conversations… everything seemed so normal, and yet I felt completely out of place.

— Lost in thought again, Seo Ha-Jin? Are you sure you didn’t wish on a shooting star last night? Ji-Won teased, his voice brimming with mischief.

— More like he forgot to set his alarm properly, as usual, added Do-Hyun.

— Ha-Jin! Called a familiar voice, breaking through my bubble of reflection.

Mi-Yeon, perched theatrically on her desk, gave me a radiant smile. Her hair, always dyed a new pastel shade, framed her expressive face. She had this talent for making everything brighter, even the dullest days.

— Seriously, what’s with that tortured writer look this morning? Did you spend all night writing tragedies, or what?

I smiled slightly, a small grin tugging at my lips.

— Maybe. Or maybe I was just thinking about why you guys are so loud this early in the morning. And for the record, out of the four of us, I was the first one here.

Mi-Yeon burst out laughing, drawing all eyes to her.

— You’re lucky I like you, or I’d make your life miserable for that comment.

— Ignore them, Ha-Jin. They’re just trying to mess with you and distract you from the surprise quiz, said Do-Hyun, calm as ever, like an anchor in the chaos.

I smiled faintly, my head resting on my bag. But deep down, a lump tightened in my throat. I needed to talk to them.

A moment of hesitation passed before I spoke.

— Have you... Ever thought about what it would be like if we all had to go our separate ways?

The air grew quiet. Ji-Won frowned slightly, while Do-Hyun set down his pen, looking serious.

— Why are you asking that? Are you planning to ditch us or something? Ji-Won asked, slightly amused, though the question carried weight.

— My parents... they’re talking about moving. Nothing’s decided, but... it could happen, I replied, my voice almost too soft.

A flicker of surprise crossed Ji-Won’s eyes, but he quickly recovered, offering a smile that was just a little too forced.

— You said it’s not decided. So, why dwell on dark thoughts?

— We’re here, aren’t we? We’ll deal with it if it happens, Do-Hyun replied firmly, his gaze steady and reassuring.

Mi-Yeon leaned forward, a slightly awkward smile on her lips.

— And honestly, who would even want you anywhere else? You’d leave a hole in our lives. I’d start a petition if I had to, she added with a light laugh.

Ji-Won lowered his head slightly, as if searching for something to anchor him amid the whirlwind of emotions building inside him. He was clearly upset—I could see it—but why? After all, we were just friends.

A faint smile crossed my lips at their attempts to lighten the mood, but deep inside, I felt just as lost. Not just because of Ji-Won’s reaction, but because of the situation itself. Why this unease, this confusion that clung to me?

The door swung open abruptly, cutting through my thoughts. The teacher entered, silencing the room. Conversations immediately ceased, replaced by the sound of chairs scraping the floor and students settling into their seats.

But despite the outward calm, my heart continued to pound in my chest, unable to find its rhythm. The weight of my thoughts and the tension within me hadn’t subsided—in fact, they had only grown heavier. Everything around me felt frozen as I struggled in vain to focus on the present.