Chapter 1 The Drop Off
“We’ll see you later, Bee,” Dad said as he kissed my head, looking down at me adoringly. I gotta say that is a new low, even for him.
I groaned. How embarrassing. I can't even do anything about it either, because he is the adult and I am his child... What kinda stupid excuse is that? It's like saying 'because I said so'... It means nothing!
Don’t adults know anything? You don’t kiss your kids when you drop them off at camp! (Especially if it doesn’t even mean anything! Seriously! Who are they trying to impress out here in the middle of nowhere?!?) But does he actually care what I think? That would be a big freaking nope! They have never cared about what I think! They never ask my opinion or if it is okay if they do something I don't like, because they would both know I'd give them my actual answer!
“Dad, let’s just get this over with!” I grunted. I didn't want him to be here anymore then the actually do. But apparently he is putting on some sort of big show for whoever the heck may be watching... Let me tell you, that would be nobody! What the heck is he still doing here? Just leave already!
Mom stopped hugging Ethan and wrapped her arms around me awkwardly. She did this hug like I’m a porcelain doll that would break if she held me too tight, or something… I didn’t get it. I honestly don't know why she is even bothering to hug me at all! She never does when we are at home... Even when I was little and fell out a tree and broke my leg, she still didn't care! Why are they all of a sudden acting like parents that give a crap?
But then again, neither of my parents were affectionate with me. They were too busy making money, showing off for their friends at parties, or making sure I knew that Ethan was the favorite child! (Not that I blame him, because I totally don’t! It really isn’t his fault that he is the perfect child whilst I am the exact opposite!)
“Don’t be a grouch, Bee! We’ll see you in two weeks. This is your last chance to prove yourself. You know what happens if we find out you misbehave again!” She admonished me. As if she hadn’t been saying the same thing on repeat the whole way here…
Of course I knew it! They took every freaking opportunity to tell me so! It’s not like I’m stupid and can’t understand the words that are coming out of their mouths; (actually, I'm really smart, I just don't want them to know it!) I just tend to ignore them since I seriously just don’t care! I am almost an adult! (Not that they will ever acknowledge that as long as I live… But, here’s to wishful thinking!)
Ethan chuckled as he threw and arm around my shoulder and pulled me into is body to give me the support I so desperately need when I'm around these fakes. “Don’t worry, mom and dad. I won’t let her get into too much trouble. If you send her off to boarding school in the fall, then I won’t be able to protect her from herself,” he joked.
See! Best brother ever! He totally gets me. Especially when I need a buffer between me and my parents… Which, let me tell you, is all the time! I honestly could not have made it through my life without him by my side... I probably would've lost myself in a dark space if he wasn't there to catch me and pull me back up more than once.
“Why can’t you be more like Ethan, Bee?” Dad half joked, but I can see that look in his eyes. The one that tells me I am below him and not worth my time... The one that says you should never have existed.
Ouch! A deep frown appeared on my face without my permission. That tends to happen when I have to listen to their crap. It's not a new feeling. But it doesn't make it any easier. It hurts just like every other time before. The best I can do is pretend it doesn't bother me.
The problem was that they have only ‘half joked’ that I needed to be more like my twin since I was two years old, and it was decided that he was their favorite! Let me tell you, it’s getting old! Can’t they give it a rest already?
Again! Don’t get me wrong! I love Ethan. He is my favorite person. He gets me, even if he doesn’t think I should be trying to get into trouble all the time. In fact he thinks half the things I do are insane. But he never makes me feel beneath him. He has tried to save me from my parents’ wrath for years. They expected me to be the ‘perfect daughter.’ They wanted someone responsible, kind, and honest. Basically they wanted a little doll to bend over backwards and do whatever the heck they say to do so they can show me off to all their socialite friends and sell me off to the highest bidder.
But that wasn’t me.
I’ve been sneaking out to join my friends after curfew since I was ten! I haven’t done anything that bad… I’ve never stolen, smoked, gotten drunk or anything like that… more like I used my artistic abilities to spray paint some of the buildings downtown, and teepee some of the jerks houses from school. I’ve only gotten in trouble three or four times for starting fights at school… Even though they started it!
Instead of starting an argument… Again… I just turned and said, “Have a nice trip to Europe.” See? I can be nice when I want to be. I didn't way any of the things I wanted to say. My words were almost caring... sorta.
A condescending sigh escaped my mother’s mouth. “I love you, Melissa. Just remember that, and we are only doing this for your own good. We really would prefer you not being sent to boarding school this fall. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Having a child misbehave so badly we have to send them away to get straightened out, to act like a normal human being?”
I was only half listening to my mother’s rant. I hated how she could start out with a normal ’I love you’ and instead of just ending it there, she always ends up with how I am an embarrassment to the whole family.
Couldn’t she JUST ONCE pretend like I mattered to her??? Can’t she just stick with ’I love you’ and act like she means it? Is it really that hard to just learn to shut your mouth after three little words, even if I don't believe them. I've been trained from years of neglect to know when they say 'I love you,' they don't actually mean it.
I mean, if my parents don’t even want me around any more, then why am I still here at all? They could've sent me away and I would've been so much better off on my own. Maybe I could've found some person out there besides my brother who would've taken care of me.
I’m not suicidal or anything like that, but sometimes it seems like the only reason I haven’t just killed myself is because I have an awesome brother who would be stuck with incompetent parents, and no one else to take care of. I know that would hurt him if I died... Not to mention he would stop me from doing something like that. But I can't leave him with them!
He totally doesn’t deserve that! I'm not actually convinced they love him either. I think they just use him like some sort of trophy. They parade him around to their friends and show him off, telling everyone he is going to be a doctor. How could I die and leave him with them? I am not that selfish…
Okay, so maybe it was just me being selfish, hoping that he would miss me… And maybe he would be better off without me. I’m still up in the air about the whole thing.
I sighed to myself as I think about the sorry state of my life and what will happen when I am finally free of them. I just gotta wait until my birthday!
“Did you even hear me?” She demands. My mother looks like a crazy person. If I was in a better mood I might have laughed! But there is nothing worth laughing about today... Also, she is no longer worth crying over. I gave that up when I was about 8. They are just not worth the tears.
Mom’s shout brought me back to the present. Too bad too, because I would have loved to float off to la-la land... Maybe I could conjure up a new family... With Ethan, of course!
I totally didn’t hear a single thing she said! And do I care? Big-Fat-NOPE!
“Yeah, kay. See ya!” There is no way in hell I'm gonna say 'I love you' like they are expecting me to. I said what I needed to, even as I pray to never see them again. I turned from the car and grabbed my gear.
I headed for the main office without looking back. There is nothing I want to see in that direction anyway. What was there? My mom's annoyance and my father's disappointment? Yep. Nothing for me to look back at.
Ethan caught up to me with a smirk on his face. Why the heck does he have to be so friggin' cheerful all the time? I can't even manage a smile half the time I'm around our family!
“What?” I snapped.
I know it wasn’t his fault all of this crap is happening to me, but still! I guess if there is anyone I am allowed to take my frustration on it would be Ethan.
“You know, they really do love you, even if they can’t seem to say it with words, right, Lissa?” he chuckled.
I stared at him. He did it again...
“How do you know what I was thinking?” I huff as I turn red from embarrassment.
Stupid question. Ethan always knows what I’m thinking! And I even know why he said it, I just wish he didn’t say it out loud. It just sounds so much worse when it is out in the open like that!
“I always know what you are thinking. It’s a twin thing,” he joked with a wink.
He was right. He always seemed to know what I was thinking… Just like it seemed like I could always feel what it was that he was feeling... However I don't know any other twins who can do what we do. Maybe we are just special.
“Anyway, I’m not actually sure they do love me. Maybe I’ll run away before they come back to pick us up in a couple of weeks…” I trailed off.
“And leave me behind? NO WAY! I need you… and well, even if I don’t say it enough, I love you at least,” he whispered, and I can feel how sincere he is right now.
I smiled at Ethan. He really was the 'good kid’ and I really do love him. Actually, I don't have anyone but him. I don't know if I should grateful or depressed.
“Thanks,” I choked out with a sniff.
Ethan gave me a side hug as we continued to check in.
“We are gonna have an awesome time together! You’ll see…” he insisted.
Famous Last Words, I said to myself.
