Chapter 1
Lylah,
No amount of sorrys will be enough to tell you how much I regret listening to Juliette and the team instead of you. For doubting you. For letting my own insecurities cloud my judgement. Likewise, I could say thank you a million times and it wouldn’t be enough to tell you how much I appreciate you looking past all that and saving me from the predicament I’d gotten myself into.
You’re one of a kind, and I know you and Ava will be perfect for each other. One day I hope to achieve that same thing, but I know that will be a long shot.
Be happy. Be safe. Be you.
Yours always,
Trish
P.S. I’m including your composition book that I took as well. As much as I hated breaking your heart and our relationship, stealing this might have been my biggest regret. To this day, I have no idea what possessed me to be so petty. Again, I’m truly sorry. I hope some day that I can earn your forgiveness and regain your friendship.
I folded the letter, placing it atop the black and white composition book and then slid everything into the oversized envelope. After I wrote Lylah’s name on it and sealed it up, I handed it over to Beth, the personal assistant to Madison Jacobs, the agent that Lylah and I shared.
“Can you make sure this gets to Lylah please?” I asked with a shaky voice.
“Of course. Are you going to be, okay?” she asked worriedly.
“Not quite yet. But I will be. I just need to take some time and figure out how to move on.”
“Good luck with that!” She smiled at me in understanding before I turned and walked out.
“So how do you move on when you screwed up a relationship, and now your ex is happily engaged to someone else?” I asked the latest of the people I’d found on the street for my ‘man on the street’ episode. So far, I’ve gotten some very bad advice, and I was just hoping someone would give me something better.
Should I come up with my own solution? Obviously, yes. But I’d gotten myself into this situation, and I wasn’t sure I could trust myself to not make it worse. Hell, a lot of the answers I got were just crazy or borderline criminal, so I had to do some severe editing before posting this one.
Truly, some of the answers were mind boggling, and made me wonder how any of these people were in a healthy relationship. ‘Fuck everyone in sight!’, or some variation of that, was the most common answer. Right, climb right on top of the random sex train because evidently lots of random sex with strangers was going to get me past having a loving relationship with amazing sex for the last three years.
Now, I will admit, a lot of those people providing that answer were guys or girls who offered their services in just such a capacity, which I quickly declined. So, was the advice what they really thought would work, or were they just trying for a quick hook up in hopes that I’d say yes? It didn’t really matter because I wasn’t going that route anyway.
I also had some truly evil responses. ‘Drug her, sleep with them and break them up and get your girl back!’ was scarily mentioned several times. ’Seduce the new girl and break them up!” was also common. There may have also been a single answer that involved the disposal of bodies, but I was already planning on editing that one out because that girl was terrifying! But really, why would I do any of that? What went down between Lylah and me was my own fault, and even if I broke her and Ava up, she would never give me another chance, and I couldn’t blame her. Not to mention, I could never do that to Lylah. I’ve seen the videos with them together and they looked so happy that I’d never want to break them up.
I had a few people that just told me to try dating again, to get myself back out there and see if I could find a new love. I admit, that was the sanest answer so far, and I was considering it. It had been ten months since I left her, and six since I’d seen her at the awards show and knew I’d lost her due to my own stupidity. I’d heard of her engagement to Ava, and I could only be happy for her. She had somehow moved on, though I know she went through hell when I first left her.
Maybe I needed to go through my own hell to repair my heart too? Did almost being eaten by sharks count? Fuck! How could I have been so stupid? What on earth possessed me to believe Juliette? Was it wrong for me to be glad she was dead? The things people do for greed are baffling. Not that I was much better, right?
The woman I asked the question to now didn’t give me an answer, but she was the first to ask me a question. “How did you screw up the relationship?”
Fuck. How much detail do I even get into on this? Can I give her a brief overview and hope it’s enough? “I didn’t trust her. I listened to our coworkers, and never gave her a chance to explain, and then left her with no word. Then I assumed she would follow me, chase me, find me, but I’d never told her where I’d be, and I’d blocked her. The same assholes I listened to told me that if she loved me, she’d fight for me. But she never even knew why I left, because they’d been lying to me the whole time, and she’d done nothing wrong. When I finally told her, after four fucking horrible months of missing her, what had happened, she didn’t come back. She was so upset that I’d lost my faith in her that she walked right out of my life, and I can’t get past it. Now she’s happy and engaged and living her dream while I can’t get past my fuckup. The worst thing is, just a few months ago, the people that lied to me tried to kill me. And my damned ex flew across the fucking planet to come save me. She even brought her new girlfriend with her to help! I can’t even hate them because they’re both wonderful and they deserve all the happiness they got, but I’m stuck on my own because I fucked up and I don’t know what to do about it,” I finally wailed out as I explained it.
She took a step forward and engulfed me into a huge hug. I didn’t know her name or anything about her, but it was the first real hug I’d had in ages, and it just unleashed more tears from me. “Have you talked to anyone about this? A therapist maybe?” she wondered. “If you found out why you didn’t trust her, it might help you out. Maybe understanding could help you work on yourself before worrying about another relationship.”
And there it was. The first piece of advice that truly resonated with me. I didn’t have anyone to talk to at all, so I’d been internalizing everything. Lylah had been my rock, and I’d thrown her away. I hadn’t talked to my parents in over four years, and the only other person in my life right now was my agent, and that wasn’t exactly a friendship. “No. No, I don’t have anyone to talk to.” It was tough to admit that was my current life, but it was the truth.
“I would do that. Talk to a therapist. Work on being your best you. When you think you’re ready, then you can work on another relationship. Until then, just keep yourself occupied doing things you like,” she suggested.
“You aren’t a therapist by any chance, are you?” I had to ask, because she sure sounded like one. I guess that would be too lucky.
She laughed, lightly covering her mouth. “No, I’m not, sorry. But my sister in New York is, so I know they can help.”
“I think you’re right. I do know a therapist, so maybe I could talk to her.” It might be a long shot, but I’d talked to Georgia, Lylah’s therapist, a few times when I was driving her to an appointment, and she seemed really nice. Maybe she could work with me too? “What was your name? I didn’t catch it.”
“Sandy. And I hope it works for you.”
Maybe meeting Sandy was the kick I needed, because I called Georgia on the way back to my car, just to see if I could be seen. I hadn’t spoken to her in almost two years, and even then, only in passing, but I had a hope. She had already helped Lylah, so maybe her luck could rub off on me.
“Dr. Bennet’s office, can I help you?” came the pleasant male voice on the other end of the line.
“Hi, yes, I was hoping to make an appointment. I’d be a new patient.”
“I’m sorry, Dr. Bennet doesn’t have any room on her calendar for new patients,” he explained quickly.
“Can you just ask her? Tell her it’s Trish Poole, Lylah Hunter’s.... umm... friend,” I pleaded.
Maybe he felt the desperation in my voice, but at least he relented. “Let me ask, please hold.” I kept walking in the few minutes I listened to the instrumental music that they used for those of us placed on hold. Was that a weird version of Delta Lady? Meh, it doesn’t matter. “Trish? Are you still there?”
“Yes!” I blurted, thrilled to have him back.
“She has no office time, but if you’re okay with a telemedicine appointment then she can do it,” he told me.
“Oh, sure! I can do that! I’m fine with whatever she can do! Thank you so much!” I made an appointment for the following Wednesday evening, and then drove back to my apartment with the first smile I’d had on my face in months.
I can’t really say it is my apartment. I’m sleeping on Nat’s couch, which was kind of her since she was part of the group that fucked up my relationship. On the other hand, she is also the one that told Lylah what was happening with the shark plan that Max and Juliette were hatching, and thereby saved my life. I’ve been sleeping on her couch since then, since there was no way that I was still staying back in Juliette’s guest room after that. Max was pissed, and had served no jail time, so I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. Thankfully, he had no idea where Nat lived, or he hadn’t stopped by anyway, so I’d been okay since the trial. I have a restraining order against him, but that was nothing but a piece of paper that he could easily violate if he liked. He just had to deal with the consequences if he got caught.
My smile lasted all the way until I got to the apartment and parked. At that point, my phone rang with an unknown caller, and I really wish I’d just cancelled the call. “Hello?” I had my finger poised over the end call button just awaiting the automated voice talking to me about the extended warranty on my car.
“Trisha?” came a voice I’d never wanted to hear again. “It’s your mother! How are you?”
“How did you get this number?” I should have just hung up, but why the hell was she calling me?”
“Oh, I got it from that sweet Max man you’re dating!” she gushed. “I saw you in those videos and you both looked so cute!”
“Max? I’m not dating Max! I’ve never dated him! He tried to kill me! Are you fucking serious?”
“Oh, stop it! I could tell you love him! I knew that lesbian thing was just a phase, I’m so happy for you!” She just blathered on like the damned YouTube videos were the source of some new truth.
“Mom, forget the videos. Why are you calling me? What the hell do you want?” I was furious by this time, and I could only imagine what I looked like to any people passing by.
“That is no way to talk to your mother! I just wanted to invite you to Christmas this year! You can bring your boyfriend and let us get to know him. We have a lot to catch up on.”
“Are you serious?” I was aghast at this crap.
“Of course! We can’t wait to see you!”
“Yeah. I bet. Goodbye.” I just hung up and stared out the window. What the fuck? I took a deep breath and let out one bellow of frustration, and then burst into tears. My mom and Max. What a fucking pair.
