Chapter 1 : Always late
Every morning, it’s the same routine.
I run after the school bus, cold coffee in hand, and Leo shouting from the stop:
— “Maëna, you’re late. As usual!”
He says it like he’s not laughing.
He says it like he hasn’t saved me a seat, every single morning.
Leo is that kind of friend you keep even when you don’t have the strength to speak.
He knows me by heart.
He knows when I laugh to hide, when I talk to avoid.
But this time, I don’t have time to answer.
I just spent the last thirty minutes searching for Liam’s right sock and pouring his cereal while Mom was still sleeping.
I’m his big sister… but also, a little bit, his mom.
Liam is six. He doesn’t talk much.
He doesn’t ask for much either, except that I stay with him at night.
And I don’t have the heart to say no.
So yeah. I’m late. Every morning.
And I smile a little, because our morning chaos is kind of fun.
— “Still alive?” Leo asks with a half-smile as we get on the bus.
— “Barely,” I answer. “Mom had the night shift and Dad… well, same old. Anyway.”
He doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t need to.
He knows.
At school, I have Yuna.
Yuna is my sunshine. She talks too much, laughs too loud, sticks stickers everywhere, and cries during Christmas commercials.
— “You and your corpse-like mood,” she says, pinching my cheek. “I’m gonna paint you yellow if this keeps up.”
I smile, a little.
This is my life: a little gray, a little yellow.
A house without warmth.
A room full of journals I never open.
A “father” who looks at me like I shouldn’t exist.
A mother too tired to even pretend she’s here.
At school, nothing ever changes.
Yuna, Leo, teachers, hallways that smell like disinfectant.
But once I’m back home… I become an adult again.
Invisible again.
I become Maëna again.
And yet… I keep going.
I fake it.
Because as long as no one knows — it hurts less.
