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Too Good

"I admire your creativity. You have written a great piece. I want to promote your Inkitt book for free to my list of newsletter subscribers. If that is alright by you then please email me at exzordersplrwso AT gmail.com to book your spot, thanks."

Beautiful Writing

"I definitely couldn't put this book down. The writing was so beautiful and the ending made me tear up a bit. I loved the romance that brewed between the two couples. There were some spots in the beginning that I was confused, but besides that your story was splendid and I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it. "

Well done

"I admire your creativity. You have written a great piece. I want to promote your Inkitt book for free to my list of newsletter subscribers. If that is alright by you then please email me at cbdoungd876 AT gmail.com to book your spot, thanks."

Slave of Fire: The Weeping End

"It's an interesting idea for a story. A rich fantasy world with a colorful collection of characters, Cati has spun an intriguing tale. You want to know why these two girls matter, how Pryor's kingdom works, what's going to happen next, it keeps you turning the pages. The chapters are a little long, and I found some of the back and forth with Jae and Gabriel liking each other than fighting could probably be parsed down a little, but still an interesting read, that leaves you wanting to know what will happen to Cai next."

Enjoyable!

"First, I want to thank you for being an amazing person helping me out when no one did. Now for the serious part. Let me say that your story has potential, the diversity of the characters, the interaction and all were amazing. But of course, you don't want me to sugar coat the story, you want to hear my honest opinion about where I found you went wrong. I won't dive through grammar because English isn't actually my first language (It's my third actually). There are two problems, first is the pacing. I found out while reading that some scenes were dragged out more than they deserved, making me somewhat uncomfortable. The second problem, or maybe this is just my personal preference, the setting is weak. The fantasy world you just build had a lot of promise, but you didn't expand your idea any further than what the main character needed, Again, this is my personal opinion, it doesn't mean it's something wrong. All in all, this is a great story, and I will gladly recommend it to my friends. Also, I encourage you to write another story with the same setting (maybe a second book in the series?) talking about another character from another region, this would be really interesting to read! Again, thank you, and I hope you good luck in your writing career."

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Slave of Fire: The Weeping End

"Overall, the author has a wonderful imagination, you can really see that through the writing; the environment and characters come through well. A small taste of this book will definitely catch your interest! However, I feel as though the sentence structure can be quiet rigid and at times the dialogue doesn't seem to flow very well. These are things that are easily fixed and if they are would create a smoother read."

Well Done

"Romance and fantasy are not my strong suits, but still a very interesting story with interesting characters. I think you're at your best when your characters are speaking. Your dialogue is punchy and keeps the story moving along. If I have one constructive criticism, it's that the descriptive passages at times tend to run on and/or sound clunky. If you go back and read aloud some of these paragraphs, I think you'll find places where sentences can be shorter or punchier. This doesn't happen too often, but in a couple places I found myself re-reading the sentence to make sure I read it right. In hindsight, I wish I documented those passages... Overall, great job. Keep up the good work!"

A story full of promise

"Slave of Fire: The Weeping End is a story ful of potential and reflects the imagination of its author. An important characteristic for any fantasy genre book. The characters themselves are well developed as far personality and differation. However, the story lacks character drive. Keeping in mind the story is in third person and considering that the air of mystery surrounding Gabriel, Pryor, and the others is intentional. Which I personally loved and is actually one of the main reasons I kept reading so eagerly. This is unless your remember the information gave in the blurb. The main characters, Cai and Jai appear to lack an objective or end game both collective and separate. Jai focuses on her relationship or having a relationship with Gabriel while events happen to Cai, but she doesn't pursue them. Rather she takes the effects. They both seem to be curious about Pryor and the others origins, Jae more than Cai, but it's not a motive behind their overall actions. This results in the story being more told rather than taking place in front of the reader and connecting the characters actions to what happens next. This also makes Jai more of a supporting character unless she is ment to be. The plot as a result appears not to have an objective or at least it is difficult to see where the story is going and what the characters (Cai and Jai) are after if they themselves are ment to be after anything. This makes it unclear whether the mystery of who or what Gabriel and the others are, if you take away blurb, the girls adjusting to their new home, or locating legion 13 is the focus of the plot. This question isn't really answered until Cai's confrontations with Freyr and the part outside his room. This is the other reason I really had to force myself to put down the book. Because I wanted to know where the plot was going. This isn't bad, as long as their are nudges or hints in the characters' actions or interactions. Especially with the book being in third person and access to majority of the characters' thoughts. Considering the end I would say it's between the girls adjusting and locating legion 13. If this the case it wouldn't hurt to show the latter in interactions between Pryor and Gabriel or any of the others. Even with Cai's dreams. Again overall the book is a great read that I would definitely recommend. Taking away the blurb I love the mystery surrounding Pryor and the others, but the plot needs a little more guidance considering the ending can leave you with questions rather than answers. Also be sure to be clear on which character is doing what or you are referring to. For instance f you use the name of one character at the beginning of a sentence and sentence that follows is referring to another character's reaction use that character's name rather than a pronoun. That is help the reader follow a lot better."

Slave of Fire: the Weeping End

"I think what you have here is some very good bones to a book, but it needs some good old TLC. It can be hard to transition what you see in your mind's eye to paper (especially in the fantasy genre), but I think you've started to do just that. For my beta notes, please see the google doc (Inkitt's layout doesn't allow for a very coherent breakdown). If there's any issue with the link or you have any questions, definitely let me know! https://docs.google.com/document/d/13oHnI-0AbStnH4jN6yS7xl1HDXq9MUbvxFLv9jXNGBU/edit?usp=sharing"

A lot of Potential

"Before anything, I apologize in advance if I sound brutal. I try my best to remain as honest as possible with critiques. The story has potential, but it still has some distance to travel before it's ready. The biggest reasoning is the pacing. I often find myself unable to concentrate on the story because I get so distracted by what had just happened before and something has happened again, leaving me no time to catch up. Give time for transitions and time for things to calm down a bit. I also think the first chapter could hit the readers with a bigger punch. Even though the first few paragraphs intrigued me, when it immediately cut to two girls doing laundry, the questions and excitement that had built up died down. My biggest suggestion for you is to actually read your story out loud. I think that'll flesh out all the areas that goes too quickly, and you can quickly edit them to pace smoother."

Slave of Fire: the Weeping End- Review

"Hi Cati Have left a review of your book on my blog. The link is provided below. Sorry didn't had the heart to publish my review here. https://parthobose.wordpress.com/2017/08/20/slave-of-fire-the-weeping-end-review/"

Slave of Fire - Review

"Hi Cati Just picked this up to see if I could read it, although I'm not necessarily the best judge since I don't read fantasy. I actually haven't got beyond the first couple of pages simply because you haven't made me believe in the world. You obviously do believe in it, because I see that this is a completed work and to have got that far you must have a great deal of tenacity and vision, What I do believe in is the concept, or as much of it as I deduce from this initial read and I understand (I think) that here is a world that is suffering some sort of climactic crisis. That much seems to be evident - perhaps too evident, since the point is laboured long enough. The trouble, I think, is that the prose is trying to be just too worthy. You are adopting the classic fantasy style (what I call 'hand- on-forehead' declamatory style) where everything that has happened or will happen is potentially momentous or fearsome. In the 'real' fantasy world that you are trying to create, the speech patterns of everyday people would not necessarily have this foresight. They would interact normally whilst momentous events go on above their heads and I know that you attempt to recognise this when the two girls are going to wash clothes at the river At the same time you are using a lot of modern-day colloquialisms that just don't gell with the overdramatic style of the rest of the writing. You need to decide on how you really want to present this, References to 'the great one' and phrases like that are a fantasy cliché and should be avoided (unless you are trying to do a pastiche) which I don't think that you are. Who is the great one? Name him. Actually, forget the prologue altogether because I don't think it adds anything. The story starts when it starts. Basically, I think you are trying too hard to emulate the fantasy writing that you so obviously love. Forget the old clichés. Be yourself. Don't try and write the fantasy that you think people want to read, write the fantasy that you want to write in your own style - but be sparse. As it stands your words are tripping over themselves to make themselves heard. Take a look at the first couple of pages and do a ruthless edit, and I think you will find that it reads easier. I hope this doesn't come over as too negative because it is meant to be constructive - and I speak as a former magazine editor. Just regard this as your first draft and rework it. I think you will be happier with it in the long run. Good luck with it and do feel free to rip any of my stuff to shreds! Sincerely, Malcolm Twigg"