Chapter 1
“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you,
Not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.”
— Rumi
I hate to admit it, but Chris was right. I really did make afineman. Looking at my reflection, I can see how my makeup accentuates my features so that they appear slightly more angular. My jaw even looks somewhat chiseled: an illusion I wasn’t expecting Leslie—my makeup artist—to pull off.
My long, blonde hair is now light brown, barely whispering above my shoulders. My blue eyes are hiding behind my deep brown contacts. With only a little makeup and some fake brows, I’ve transformed into—if not Sonny, a really close look-alike. I had to do a double-take to make sure I wasn’t him, and I’m sure everyone I’d come into contact with would have to do the same thing from here on out.
When Chris—the director—had abruptly stopped the audition and exclaimed that “we found Sonny!“, I thought I heard him wrong. I was auditioning for Sonny’s longtime off-and-on girlfriend, Ash.
Then, coming close enough to kiss me—you’d think he was going to—he lifted my chin with one hand and looked deep into my eyes. “Yes”, he mused, and with his other hand, motioned for his team to come over.
“But she’s a—“, a pixie-like woman, who I now know as Tania, the casting director, interjected.
“—woman. I see that,” he said, finishing her sentence.
“Yeah”, is all I could muster up, “that, I am.” I still didn’t think I’d heard him right. I didn’t exactly give rebellious rocker energy in my audition, at least I didn’t think so. And I definitely didn’t give, “man”. Unless, I did?
You can imagine my discomfort as he, the casting director and producer, all huddled around me.
“But there’s more. Look closely ” Chris prompted unnecessarily. They were already close enough. I guess I shouldn’t complain. This up-in-my-face lifestyle was something I’d have to get used to as a film actress—with all the hair, makeup, cameras and crew I would work with.
Before this, my experience with acting was in theatre, which afforded some distance between myself and my colleagues. And the three of them together were giving “clash of cashmere, mint, and garlic” energy. It must have been a long day of auditions, since I got in here at about three...
As they continued staring at me and talking amongst themselves for some time, the cashmere, mint, and garlic did what all smells do over time: they stopped fighting for attention and disappeared entirely from olfactory view. Suddenly, the casting team was blind to whatever separated their dispositions to begin with.
The doubters began nodding their heads, and Tanya conceded: “I see now.”
And that’s how I landed in this makeup chair. Doing a makeup test for a role in a highly anticipated film, helmed by Hollywood’s most famous rising directors. But, at the time, I had given them a smile that probably looked about as charming as if my face was pressed up against a glass, since I didn’t know if I should feel excited or offended by how manly they had found me.
Then, Chris spoke up again, “What did you say your name was?”
“Ritsa!” I was tugged out of the memory by Leslie’s velvet voice, which I was beginning to learn always carried a flirtatious undertone—it was just slightly more on the mischievous side right now.
“Huh?”
“You didn’t hear a word I said?” Leslie raised one of her perfect brows.
