Very poetic

"I loved this very much! I didn't want it to end. I could picture everything you were saying and it was magical. Great piece."

Really great!

"I enjoyed this short story very much! It was unexpected and interesting. You really painted a picture in my mind, not only of the setting and characters but also of the time that this was set in. A lot of times, this gets left out of short stories, so well done! I loved how the girl used a song and how she was able to affect the protagonist in so many different ways. The ending was very well done, leaving the reader with an interesting twist to mull over. I kind of wanted to see the protagonist suffer a little more at the hands of the girl. This might sound creepy, but just like I was able to FEEL his affection toward this girl, I want to be able to FEEL that something isn't wrong and that he's suddenly afraid. I want to feel him dying. Just a thought. I think that if you give it a little more, it will be much more chilling. Either way, good work! I liked this a lot!"

Brief Comment

"Excellent fantasy short story. My only criticism would be that it could use a few more commas. Good work (Y). Okay, I'm terrible at this review thing but I did want to leave a positive comment but I'm under the minimum threshold. Though I am bit tired of this anti-elf propaganda, regardless of what Gimli said about them."

Lyrical!

"Reading this story was thoroughly delightful. I'm very impressed by the beauty of the tale and the way it's delivered. It's short, but poetic, and it's one of those pieces that remain with you after you've read them - the words turned to images, and the images leave an echo in the reader's mind. There is one little thing I'd work on here while doing some editing: periods and commas in dialoges and tags. All in all: a VERY enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing it!"

The shortest story, with the longest timespan

"This story got a lot across in so few words, a bit like the character does literally. This was fun to read, and left me wondering what the main character could have done to avoid the predicament he ended up in."

"Great short, great imagery, great prose. But you need to work on proper punctuation. Otherwise very well done."

"I really enjoyed this story. The plot is fantastic and the use of language gave me a clear and beautiful image of the surroundings and characters. The imagery is great and I really recommend this story. The ending was somewhat vague, but I liked it because it is mysterious and keeps the reader thinking and it shows how the cycle continues. The dialogue in this story was refreshing. A good plot; I can only imagine what happened to the poor character at the end... All in all, if you are interested in horror and fantasy and have the time to read this story, then do so!"

Graceful

"The words flowed great throughout the whole story and in the end I wished I could have read more... There was no rush to an end and yet it ended too soon for Vael. A wicked thing time and beauty is to all things mortal, yet graceful... as portrayed here in this story of 'Whitethorn'."

A poetic myth well told (or re-told)

"This is a fast-paced, yet poetic story--more about creating an ancient mood and atmosphere than any plot per se, though the plot is still very fascinating as well. I love the use of slightly archaic diction as well as the use of another language as well, one that, thankfully, is not translated for the reader. Honestly, this story resembles the masterful prose poem/stories of Lord Dunsany, which if the author hasn't read them should be immediate required reading--there's a major kinship here. The ending of the piece is particularly interesting and offers a nice twist that I wasn't expecting. My only quibble would be a final edit or layer of polish, since there are a few misplaced words or words that might not be the exact right one for the sentence/meaning. Especially in such a poetic story, these points matter. Also, with dialogue, make sure the dialogue is part of the actual sentence. For example, you often write something like this (my own example, but you get the idea)... "I told you I wasn't coming with you." He said to her afterward. {this needs to be all one sentence, so no period.) "I told you I wasn't coming with you," he said to her afterward. (the tags at the end are part of the sentence, and weird strangely if disconnected). But these minor concerns aside, a beautiful, tidy little epic in a very short space (as the other review also mentioned)!"