Chapter 1
I feel unloved and unwelcome in my home. Although, it’s a beautiful cabin in the middle of the woods right outside of town. It’s my dream home with a beautiful library, tall shelves lined with books and a rolling ladder. In the corner by the window is a huge comfy chair, all built by my husband. I should be happy, right?
Today, it’s rainy and dreary, my favorite kind of weather. But my thoughts are always consumed with him. When will I ever have peace? His anger is evident in every room lined with broken furniture.
The book weighs heavy in my hands as I sit by the window, staring out admiring the beautiful gloominess of the woods. My eyes catch a movement between the trees.
What was that? The rain glides smoothly down the window pane as it distorts my vision. The fog rolls out of the woods further warping my view. Squinting my eyes and scanning the edge of the woods...nothing.
I open my window, trying to see a little better, quietly, as to not scare whatever animal is out there. As I scan, the smell of fresh rain, dirt and pine hits me. It reminds me of peace and safety, if peace and safety has a smell. My pulse slows and my anxiety quiets and as quickly as I smell it, it goes away. For a few minutes, I feel free. I studied the woods one last time and still, nothing.
I peel my eyes away from the window and try to read once again. But I become lost in my thoughts as my gaze returns to outside the window, where the rain began overflowing the gutters. I used to love my husband, Zach...he was kind or so I thought…
Zach is tall and slender, strong, but not bulky. His curly brown hair seems to always be in his blue eyes that used to sparkle when he looked at me. But what really got me was how he commands the room. When he talks, every person listens as if they’d die if they can’t hear what he has to say.
Over the 4 years of marriage, he has become someone I don’t even know. We were 18, in love, and so filled with hope of having a big family. My dad nearly insisted we get married, it wasn’t the reaction I thought he was going to have.
We have been trying for a little one ever since we got married. We went to the doctors together about a year ago and that’s when it all fell apart.
We both are able to have children, but it just hasn’t happened. Doctors can’t find out why we can’t and the sadness I feel overtakes any feeling of happiness I can muster. Zach has turned to anger, blaming me for the reason why we can’t have a baby.
The man that I vowed to love turned cruel, nit-picking at me for every little thing...even my breathing annoys him. I know exactly when it started. I just don’t know how to fix it.
He turned his grief into a weapon and I can’t help him with that.
The books….The books are about the only thing I love about this house, it’s filled with adventure and far away places. But slowly, those too are also being tainted by Zach.
Quite frankly, anything associated with Zach and this house has been affected. I’m constantly tip-toeing making sure I keep the beast at bay.
Still lost in thought, I find myself staring out the window again, wanting to walk into the warm rain and seek refuge in the winding maze of the woods. Besides books, the woods are another place I run off to. I feel like I belong out there, where I can be free and away from Zach.
Heavy footsteps grow louder until they suddenly stop at the threshold of the door.
“Kelly, I’m going out,” Zach says plainly until his nostrils flare as he realizes the window is open.
“What have I told you? Keep these windows closed.” He lowers his tone as he stomps over, his hand on the window, he pauses and scans the woods longer than necessary.
God forbid if fresh air enters the kingdom..
Zach then slams the window down, but lingers for a second more, I notice his back tense.
I hear the click of the lock.
My eyes flick between him and the window, “Yes, sorry, it got stuffy in here…I thought you were staying, we were going to spend time together.”
I could hear his weight shift as the tension rose, “Again, keep the windows closed and don’t go out to the woods, you don’t belong out there… And I never said that. Are you imagining things again?”
Asshole.
I swallow the insult. ”I can come with you?”
Our eyes connect. “No, not dressed like that. Anyways, you don’t like my friends, it’s better if you just stay here.”
I hold back tears and bite my lip. His voice is laced with finality as he tries to contain a feral rage.
I try to turn away before he sees, but it’s too late. “Damn, you’re too sensitive. You always turn things into drama. I can’t deal with this.” His voice trails off as he walks down the hallway and out the front door.
Right. Because I’m the problem. Not the grown man having a hissy fit over an open window..
I can’t remember the last time we went out together. Scanning the shelves of books, I remember how Zach would take me to a different book store every weekend.
We’d take walks, hold hands while drinking our coffees. Now, Zach keeps me locked away in this house. I even have to sneak out to see my parents.
I learned over the last year to let Zach do what he wants. And lately, I have to do what he says just to keep the peace.
I need to leave. I just need to do it safely.
I grab my phone, swipe up and delete search history and messages. I don’t need him throwing a fit over searching for ‘cute summer dresses’ . He’d probably twist it into an evil plot of cheating on him. I plug it in by my chair, making sure it’s charged fully.
As I get up from my seat by the window, something in the woods catches my eye again, a white tail. The faint smell of pine and dirt meets my nose again, then fades away. I pay no attention to it, whatever is lurking outside can wait, my bed is calling for me.
