Chapter 2
Six months later…
Today’s the day I’ve been dreading for the past six months.
The day I have to come clean and tell Cory that our plans will have to wait a year because I can’t go with him right away. I don’t even know how to begin to tell him, and part of me doesn’t even want to, but it has to be done. He’s been away at his trial all weekend, and he’s due back tonight, and I’m supposed to be his first stop.
Six months ago, I arrived back at home on such a high from Cory’s news. I felt on top of the world, we could conquer everything, but in a moment, those hopes and dreams were dashed. I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. Walking through the front door of my home, the smell of stale smoke and fresh smoke hit me like a brick wall, and sure enough, when I popped my head around the doorframe to the family room, there was my mom, sitting in the corner and smoking.
“Hey, Mom. Do you feel better after your sleep?” My voice was chirpy, but her eyes were sad.
She shrugged. “I guess. What do you want for dinner?”
Smiling, I say. “It’s okay, I’ll whip us something up now. You rest.”
She stands, stubbing out her cigarette and follows me into the kitchen, her arms crossed. I can feel her eyes following me around the room, and so once I’m done with throwing the chicken, onions and mushrooms to cook in the skillet, I turn to face her.
My brows creased. “Mom, is everything okay?”
She avoids answering and instead asks. “Were you with Cory tonight?”
I nod as the smile spreads across my face. “Yes. There was a scout from Danvers there, and he wants him to try out. This is big mom, for him and for me. I’m going to complete my application this weekend.”
I don’t know what kind of reaction I expected, maybe her crying a little or even uncertainty at the college being so far away, but that wasn’t what happened at all.
She bristles. “You can’t.” That’s all she said at first, just two words that set my world on fire.
I remember thinking at the time that she must have been sad. Turning around, I set the cooking spoon down. “Mom, I know it’s far, but I’ll promise to come back every few weekends and we’ll-” My words are cut off when she holds up her hand.
She swallows as one hand goes to her stomach and the other to her mouth. “Leena, we can’t afford for you to go to college…I’m sorry, but no.”
Confusion swirls around in my head, and my brows draw together. “Dad left me a college fund and whatever else needs paying, I’ll save, or I’ll get a job. There’s always student aid.”
She doesn’t shout, scream, or cry. Her words are calm and accepting. “The money’s gone. You’re not going with him.” She eyes the food in the pan and sighs. “I’m not hungry, I’m going back to bed.”
Then she leaves as if nothing had happened, like she hasn’t just torn a hole right through my life and set the scraps on fire.
A knock at my door snaps me back to the present, and as it does, my stomach knots and my hands shake, but when I open it up, that all fades away when I see Jules, Cory’s mom, standing on the other side. I look behind her, but she’s alone.
Her smile is kind as she greets me. “Hi sweetie, do you mind if I come in?”
Something niggles in the back of my mind, but I’m not sure what it is, and words are failing me right now, so I step aside to let her pass. She walks in and heads for the kitchen, taking a seat at the table.
I wring my hands on the kitchen towel I’m holding. “Is Cory okay? Has something happened?”
She gestures for me to sit down and shakes her head. “No, nothing’s happened, and he’s okay…but he can’t make it back this weekend.”
Confusion swirls in my gut. “He said on the phone he was definitely coming back. I only spoke with him last night.” I sit down and place my hands on the table.
Jules places her hands over mine. “Honey, I know you love Cory, and I also know that your mom told you there’s no more money left in your college fund-”
Cutting her off, I blurt out. “How?”
Her kind eyes soften. “I came by to see her not long ago; she broke down and told me everything.” She looks around as if noting everything that’s in disrepair.
Suddenly, I’m defensive about what she sees, so I stammer out. “S-she’s fine. Everything’s fine, Jules and I may not have the money now, but I’ll work, and Cory and I can do long distance, and before we know it, everything will have worked out.”
Jules nods, taking in my words, but then her eyes gloss and her lip trembles. “I don’t want to do this, especially not to you, Leena, but I have to put Cory first.”
My brows draw together. “I don’t und-”
More words are cut off when Jules leans forward and grabs my hand. “You have to break things off with Cory, Leena. He’s doing well, really well, and he has a shot at making it to the NHL. His dream, but if he knows that you can’t join him, then he’s going to come home, and he’s going to ruin any chance he has at a better life.”
Stunned. That’s the only way I can describe how I feel right now, stunned and hurt.
Bile threatens to rise, so I scrape back my chair, the sound reverberating around the room, and I spin, holding onto the sink as tears fall down my face.
Jules is behind me in an instant, rubbing circles on my back, her voice soft and full of emotion. “I will still be here for you, Leena, anything you need, but you have to let him go and not for me or anyone else, but for him. You’ve always been his biggest supporter.”
It hurts, but deep down I know she’s right. I’m trash, and he’s pure gold, and if I tell him that I can’t come, then he will come home, and I don’t want that, but I’m also not ready to admit that, and so my words come out as a whisper. “Please go.”
I stay where I am until the closing of our door shatters the silence and my heart with it. My knees drop to the floor as sobs wrack my body. For a moment, I think I’ll wake my mom up, and maybe I want to, what I wouldn’t give for her to walk down the stairs right now and wrap me up in her arms, telling me everything will work out.
But it won’t work out, not for her or for me. I’m stuck here, in this never-ending cycle of sadness. Eventually, that cycle would have seeped into Cory’s world, and I can see it now as clear as day. We’d have gone long distance and maybe made it, but then I’d have moved out there while he already had a year of meeting new people and setting up his life, and I probably won’t slot in anywhere. Then he’d come to resent me, and I wouldn’t look at him the same.
Jules is right, this is for the best, and maybe he won’t understand, but it’s my job to make him understand this is the right thing for him. So, without another thought, I get up off the kitchen floor and swipe the tears from my face before steeling my spine and grabbing the phone off the hook and dialling Cory’s number.
Half wishing he doesn’t answer and half wishing he does. It rings a couple of times, and as I’m just about to put it down, he answers. “Hey, Cory speaking.” The noise in the background is almost deafening, and finally, he shouts. “Guys, shut up.” Girls giggle in the background, and my heart cracks, somehow making it easier to do this.
“Cory?” My voice cracks, and I mentally kick myself.
“Leelee?” His nickname for me. “Baby, what’s wrong?” His voice fills with concern, but then a girl’s voice asks how long he’s going to be because she wants to ‘play’.
Nausea rolls through my stomach, but I clear my throat and do something I’ve never done before: I pick a fight. “Who’s that, Cory?”
He laughs. “That’s Stacey, she’s-”
I cut him off. “Cory, this isn’t working. I can’t do this.”
He laughs again. “Very funny, I’m sorry I couldn’t come home, but coach has us practising all weekend, but I promise I’ll be coming home next weekend.”
My god, why is he so understanding? I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath.
“Don’t bother, at least not for me. I’ve found someone else, Cory. I’ve been cheating on you, and I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
Silence, and then. “Leena, that’s not funny. I said I’m sorry.” His voice cracks, and so does my heart.
“Cory, it’s over.”
Biting the inside of my cheek to prevent the sob from escaping, I wait for him to speak, but he doesn’t.
The line clicks as the dial tone rings in my ears.
A sound that will haunt me for the rest of my miserable life.
