Chapter One
SHILOH
It’s a smotheringly-hot, fall, Monday morning in mid-October and all I can hear is the violent beeping of the smoke alarm from downstairs. Even after a year of Mom leaving, Dad still burns absolutely any meal he tries to make. I watched him burn pasta once. The man was an utter disaster.
I usually would make my own meals now, I needed to learn before he killed me with burnt and/or undercooked chicken. He really liked trying to cook chicken for some reason, he failed every single time and right now, I can’t tell if it was bacon or chicken setting off the smoke alarm.
“Shiloh!” Yells Dad from downstairs.
“I’m up!” I shout back, still laid out in my bed with the covers half-assedly kicked off of me. It was hot. Lately, it’s been getting to the point that I was almost sure that summer would never end.
I couldn’t wait until summer returns, I was already sick of getting up early and spending my days away from home and working till close at the cafe in town. I like summers, sleeping until noon, and going to work at five. Those are the days. I don’t work as much in the summer as well, all the new employees are hired then and it is just so much more appealing to exist in the summertime.
Thankfully, senior year hasn’t kicked my ass yet.
“Shiloh! You’re going to be late! Hurry up!” Dad calls up again and I realize I started dozing off again.
“Coming!” I toss myself from my bed and my blanket rolls off with me, crumpling by my feet, nearly tripping me.
I throw on a pair of baggy jeans over the boxers that I slept in and slide a blank, creamy-yellow t-shirt on, grabbing my favorite hoodie, a pinkish/red sweatshirt with white cuffs and a white stripe down the seam on both sleeves and a little cartoon ghost in the center of the chest. I drape it over my arm and throw my bag on my shoulder before I dash down the stairs.
“Breakfast?” My father asks as I hit the bottom, leaning into the hallway from the kitchen.
“I’m good, I’ll get something on the way.” I smile before heading to the door.
“Love ya, kid!” My dad calls after me.
“Love you too, Dad.” I sigh and promptly grab my car keys and I’m off to another torturous day at Fannin County High.
I end up stopping at my work, Vice and Virtue Cafe, for a breakfast sandwich. My coworker, Bruno, gave it to me for free.
I think he may be into me, I have a feeling he’s gay but, I don’t know for sure yet, I’m just waiting until he comes out to ask him on a date.
He has this dark skin that isn’t common in the tiny town of Blue Ridge, Georgia. There’s probably only about six darker skinned kids in my grade, there’s a few in lower grades also but, still not many.
Thankfully, everybody is okay with them and there’s not much racism from the residents other than the very elderly people that reside within the nursing home at the edge of town.
Bruno was quite a handsome guy nonetheless… And he gives me free stuff.
What’s more to love?!
A lot, I know.
After Bruno being an adorable sweetheart, I make it to school, three minutes late.
“Damn it! Damn it!” I curse under my breath as I fumble to get my things from my locker. I was late more often than I probably should be so, this wasn’t my first time fumbling with my damned books.
There are still a few people in the hallways as I kick my locker door shut and spin around, crashing directly into the quarterback of the football team, Nolan Price. He looks at me with huge, golden, honey eyes, like a deer caught in headlights.
“Sorry.” He says, ducking his head as he turns and quickly dashes in the opposite direction. I stand, kind of shocked for a second, as I watch him disappear. Nolan is definitely hot. There is not a single person denying it, especially all the girls fawning over him.
That soft, almost scared look on his face, that was something that nearly stopped my heart. He didn’t look like that tough, manly jock that I knew he was.
Slowly, I regain my composure and head to class, letting that little moment play a few times in my head.
Nolan was one of the dark skinned few that are in my grade. He was Egyptian and probably had the best skin in all of the school, utterly flawless other than the two little moles at the very corner of his lips. Honestly, he looked like he was fake, kind of like he was photoshopped into real life. He’s like a more tangible version of Andy Biersack.
I just don’t really understand the encounter with him in the slightest. He turned and practically bolted the other direction! I mean, why was he even going that way?
I was quite caught up in my little somewhat-daydream to notice my friend, Frankie, rambling to me about something before I’m even sitting down.
“Whoa, Frankie, slow down.” I hush her and she glares at me.
“Or you could listen to me in the first place.” She starts and I hold my hands up defensively. I probably should have listened because she is seemingly in a bad mood and I don’t want to deal with her yelling at me.
“I’m sorry, I was thinking, what do you want to tell me about.” I lean back in my chair, Frankie groans at me.
“Nolan rejected me.” She hisses and I give her a sigh.
“What for?” Frankie gets rejected often, I’m not sure if it’s her punk-style or because she’s an asshole. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death but, unless you’re as close as I am to her, you’ll hate her. She doesn’t know how to socialize with people.
I don’t really blame her much, her parents died and she was tossed around in the foster system and she was selectively mute until she entered high school. Her adoptive family really did fix her up. She’s a beautiful girl too and she’s also got that “adorable Asian” thing going for her, she just doesn’t really know how to use it.
“He said I’m not his type and that that he wasn’t willing to give it a shot, ‘not even if you paid me would I date someone such as you’ he said! Can you believe that!?” She slams a palm on her desk and I frown at her.
“Listen, that was an awful thing to say but, I know how you are. Did you beg him?”
She’s too forward and she pushes and pushes (it could be seen as harassment) until they have to be mean to her.
“...Maybe.” She avoids my hard gaze, which is always a yes.
“How much?”
She shrugs and finally meets my eyes. “I like him a lot.”
“He’s not for you, honey.” I pat her arm as she bites her lip.
This may explain the encounter with him in the halls. He probably feels pretty goddamn awful. Nolan is no asshole, he’s sweet to all the girls that flock to him. I know that Frankie can be a bit pushy, too pushy at times.
We didn’t talk for nearly four months after she tried to get me to date her. She said that I had to at least give it a try because I couldn’t just say no and proceeded to threaten suicide if I didn’t take her out. She’s kind of learned her lesson on that one and doesn’t do that anymore. From what I know, at least.
“I know.” She breathes and before she can start up again, class is beginning.
It’s a lecture on something to do with grammar and punctuation because ninety percent of the people in all of Blue Ridge barely know how use either of those correctly. I taught myself after taking an interest in writing and reading.
I let myself think of anything but the spiel about how the English language works.
My mind lands on the fact that I am hopelessly queer and only I seem to notice this.
Occasionally I think that I’m completely transparent in my attraction to boys but, still, nobody has seemed to catch onto that yet. Sometimes I even think that if I were caught making out with a guy that people would still assume that I am totally straight.
On the topic of my gayness, it comes to mind how undeniably attractive Nolan Price is. He has nice black hair that he seems to like to keep hidden under a backwards snapback. One thing about him that will never add up in my thick head is the way that his entire being is so smooth but so jagged and rough at the same time, it just doesn’t make any sense to me at all.
I really like his eyes, they’re sharp and bright even though they’re brown. Most of the time they look like pure gold. Well, more like honey with flakes of pure gold in them. He also seems to always be smiling with them, you know? It’s like when you can tell that somebody is truly happy when they’re beaming and you can see it in their eyes. His eyes always look like that.
Oh, and that smile he does, it’s cute, one side pulls up a little higher than the other and it shows his teeth a little bit, they’re brilliantly white. His eyes crinkle up and when he laughs or smiles too big, they practically close.
But, Nolan is the quarterback of the football team. Even if by some miracle he was gay, he wouldn’t chose me and I doubt he’d be willing to come out in high school because that’s the kind of thing that’ll get your ass kicked.
We may have rid racism from our tiny community but homophobia is one thing people like to hold on to. Felix Armon committed suicide in eighth grade after he came out. It didn’t change a thing and not a damned day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about Felix. That poor kid didn’t do anything wrong and people decided to treat him like he was a monster. The people around me are the reason that he’s dead.
My train of thought is derailed when the teacher, Mr. Addison calls me out to come show the class how to write a proper sentence.
I already feel drained and frustrated beyond belief and first period isn’t even over yet.
As I’m writing a simple sentence out on the board a voice calls my name from somewhere nearby. “Hey, Shiloh.”
I turn and notice Nolan’s friend, Jasper White, staring at me. “Yeah?”
“Are you coming to the game tonight?” He asks and I give a shrug.
“Dunno, probably not… Why do you ask?” I say as I finish scrawling the sentence out.
“Uh, you come sometimes, just wondering. I wanted to know if you wanted to come out with us when it’s over?” He offers and honestly, it feels pretty good to be recognized.
“I’ll let you know. Maybe I will go after all.” I smile at him before returning to my seat.
Jasper wasn’t very attractive. He was kind of tan, but it was more from being outside too much. He kind of looked like a toasted marshmallow color. He’s really tall and kind of round, I couldn’t tell if it was all muscle or fat but either way, the man was an utter machine. He was slightly dopey looking though, if I was being honest.
He’s a nice guy.
I was probably going to go anyway just to look at the boys. I liked picking out the features I liked most on guys. I also had a thing for jocks that I just couldn’t deny.
Nolan is probably my dream guy, having a little bit of everything I look for in a person. I don’t really talk to him but, I’ve listened to him talk to other before, as he sits pretty close to me in chemistry.
“You should bring me.” Whispers Frankie.
“If you hadn’t just been rejected by Nolan, then maybe I would,” I give a glance her way and she shoots me a death glare so hard that I almost believe that she could kill me with it. “Sorry, bud.”
The bell rings, signalling the end of first period and everybody hurries from the room, practically running from the nightmare that was English class.
I slowly shuffle out of the room, followed by Frankie, yammering on and on about me bringing her tonight. I never bring anybody so nobody can call me out on my excessive staring.
“Forget it Frankie. I’m not bringing you. It’s a guys thing anyway!” I sigh as she grabs my shirt to slow me down.
“What? Are you guys going to compare dick sizes or something? I want to come!” She whines as I go fantastically red.
“No, Frankie! That’s final, it’s a guys only thing!”
“Why do you hate me?” She groans as we reach our chemistry class.
“You are so overdramatic. It’s literally one night, Frankie. He rejected you, give it up, please.” I huff and she punches my shoulder and spats out a hardy ’fuck you’ my way before stomping to her seat.
And now for roughly forty minutes, I must suffer, sitting far too close to the attractive man that is Nolan Price.
