Chapter 1
Prologue:
Where to start I can finally open up!
Keisha and her family moved to Harlem Florida, where I met a girl named Candice Wisdom which would end up being very close to me! Candice and I went to school together! A few years went by and Candice would tell me that she’s so angry with me because I kept everything inside! A few more years pass by and we became best friends! We’ve fought, and argued, etc. But our friendship grew and was never broken. I wondered how could it be and we were next door neighbors all in all. I said to her one day, how could I have met a friend like you? That’s so true, and never once have anything I told you went anywhere except from me to you? Candice just smiled and said because I’m your best friend and that how we will remain, because friends do not tell friends business! My family and I have moved over the years back and forth from town to town. A lot of things just seemed to be going wrong in my life. It was as if everything I touched got messed up. I don’t have any one to tell “I’ll say to myself” then one day while living in Fort Myers Florida, I met this guy, (short, dark chocolate, average weight) named Jack. Oh my! When I laid eyes on him my stomach got butterflies. We begin to talk and as the weeks went by, I felt as if I was ready to lose my virginity with Jack. So now at age 13 (after having to leave my first love back in Clewiston, which he would later end up being my baby father) I talked to my sister Tee.
(The Conversation)
Keisha: hey sis! I just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking about having sex, and I really think I’m ready to lose my virginity with Jack. We’re about the same age and he loves me. I want to tell mama, but I don’t know how she going to react!
Tee: girl don’t tell mama that, “are you crazy” she’s going to kill you, Keisha girl you her baby! But here take these condoms, and whatever you do! Do not tell her you talked to me first.
Keisha: ok I won’t, but is it going to hurt? I’m kind of nervous sis! LOL!
Tee: yes, it’s going to hurt, especially if y’all do not know what y’all are doing!
Keisha: ok sis thanks I love you I’ll see you later, give my niece a kiss for me.
Tee: love you to and I will when she wakes up.
A couple days go by and I tell Jack that I didn’t want to lose my virginity to anyone in Clewiston! Because the men aren’t any good, and plus everyone sleeping with everyone. I also tell him about the boyfriend Ethan that I was forced to leave behind in Clewiston. We talked more and more! Then one night I called and told Jack it was that time.
(The Conversation)
Keisha: My mama is going out tonight and my brother has my niece with him. I’m going to tell him you are coming over.
Jack replies: OK I’ll be over there in about 15minutes. I hang up the phone and run to tell my brother Trigga what the plans are going to be.
Mama: Kid’s hello y’all hear me talking! Eat, take a bath, and go to bed! I’m about to go out and I don’t want nobody in my house
Keisha: Yes ma’am
Trigga: Yes ma’am
I’m watching through the window as my mama pulls off, then I go outside and call jack’s name. So, after my mama was completely out of sight, Jack walks out of the dark from the neighbor’s yard. We hug and go inside the house! While jack is talking to Trigga, I go jump in the shower. After I’m done I plug up the radio and turn the lights to dim. I then go get Jack and bring him in my room, but not before reminding my brother to tap the wall, yell, and make some noise or something; If mama comes back to the house! Back inside my room Ginuwine- Role Play is just beginning to play softly. I lay on the bed and we begin to kiss and touch each other. Jack gets on top of me and slowly kisses my lips, and then I look him deeply in the eyes and say, “baby I’m ready”! Jack begins to open the condom and put it on. My body then begins to slightly shiver because I’m nervous and afraid that it’s going to hurt like my sister says. He slowly begins to slide his penis into my vagina inch by inch. All types of thoughts begin to run through my head, as I’m starting to relax jack kiss me, but before we could do anything further... The room door opens, and it’s my mama. Jack freeze up, lies down and try to play sleep.
Mama: What the hell is going on in here?
(Waits a minute! no response)
Mama: Boy if you don’t get your ass up out my house within the next 2 seconds, I’m going to throw your black ass out that damn window
Jack: (jumps up grabs things) yes ma’am
(Front door closes)
Mama: I ought to beat your ass right now, but I’m going to let your father deal with you when we get to Clewiston.
Keisha: Well mama I told tee and Trigga, she said not to tell you
(My mama storms off mad)
Keisha: Bro why didn’t you tell me mama was coming? I whispered!
Trigga: Man, sis when I looked up mama was standing there asking where you were at! So, I told her you were in the room with our niece. She said how cause our niece was in there with me. I forgot, and mama opened your door.
Keisha: O OK whatever I don’t know why you said that....
I was 13 when this happened, now at that time of being immature and hardheaded. I was Experiencing different things, and then I had to learn the hard way about wanting to rush into adult hood. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of a lifetime of heartache and pain!
Chapter One:
Pain of Betrayal
Keisha moved back to Clewiston and ran back into Ethan (soon to become baby daddy) things was crazy because after we decided to try and have sex (after all the times of us being together and trying to see each other) he made me bleed when we did so it, and boy did it hurt so bad. Ethan says to me, I thought you said that you weren’t a virgin anymore! I replied baby I told you what happened, and that I was not sure because I got caught. Ethan says well obviously he did not do his job because it looks like your cherry just popped. A few years pass by (I had a son with another dude) and we meet up again after being in and out of an on &off relationship, when Ethan shows up at my job! Soon as our eyes touched it was like a breath of cold air, where you could feel the burning sensation that we had for one another. We talked a little trash to each other and he left but came right back. So, then I go on lunch break where we talked for a while, then he looked me deeply in the eyes and said what do you want to say to me? I replied Ethan I’m still in love with you (I said as I turned my head). Why are you looking away? Asks Ethan! I again reply because I don’t like rejection! Ethan says well I have something to tell you also, look at me! I looked at him, when suddenly he just gently grabbed my head and pulled me over then kissed me so passionately. Ethan then says I still love you to! I then go back into work smiling because I’m happy, and he left (at least I thought)! Later that night when I got off work he’s sitting outside and yells I know you thought I was gone but I waited to see if you may have needed a ride home! Back at the house we chill and he ends up falling asleep, then one year after that things started falling apart (I mean between the arguments with his mama, sisters, ex-girlfriends, sideline girlfriends, secret girlfriends, whatever you want to call them) but we loved each other so much until were willing to deal with pretty much anything. I mean he cheated with this fat bitch uptown, and then another one who would later try to spread lies. So, I then moved back to Fort Myers and slept with this guy which wanted to talk to me awhile back. All in all, Ethan knew all of what was going on with me because he would come over with my brother Trigga to get a little cash etc... So, over the three years we were back together things went up and down. That’s when one day I got tired of it all and met this young man (whom I just basically later used to get away from Ethan). One-night Ethan and I got into an argument on the phone and he tell me bitch you would never leave me because you love me too much. “That was the last and final straw! The next day I called Ethan and told him that I was going to have sex with dude (whom I’m going to just call Virgo)! Now from then on, it was more arguments and drama anything you can name because I was still sleeping with Ethan! A short while later I find out I’m six weeks pregnant!! But I had only been talking to Virgo about one month and we did not have sex until about two weeks after us meeting (just being honest, I even told Virgo not to sign my baby birth certificate) so I knew it was not his baby. Now all the way up until I was about four months pregnant Ethan would go with me to all the doctor’s appointments, and I’ll spend the night with him, he would rub my back, etc.… That’s until he got locked up, so now that Ethan was gone (Virgo and I started talking, and was getting more involved with each other) but I was accepting calls from Ethan in the county jail and sending him money, only to find out from his little brother that his ex-girlfriend was also send him money… Hell he could’ve just kept it real with me and let me keep my little money in my pocket, but he actually was trying to play me when I was keeping it real with the both of them. Ethan knew I had his back and would always take him back no matter what! But at the same time, I was starting to build some type of relationship with Virgo, and I also was getting further along in my pregnancy of my second child. Virgo and I rented two rooms in a rooming house, In Moore haven Fl because I was getting close to having the baby. February 22, 2010, I gave birth to a beautiful 7lbs 9ounces baby boy. Around March 17, 2010 I received a phone call from Ethan, saying he’s been released from jail.
(The Conversation)
Keisha: Hello
Ethan: Hey how are you and the baby doing?
Keisha: We’re doing fine! We are coming over there, so you can see the baby.
Ethan: Ok but I want to ask you are we still doing the DNA test because I know that’s my baby.
Keisha: Ok well let me talk to Virgo because he is acting like he doesn’t want to take it anymore, but anyway I’m going to ask my brother to bring us over there.
Ethan: Ok then see you in a little while.
(Phone Hangs Up)
Virgo, my brother Trigga and I, meet up with Ethan and his sister Missy at the Child support office. I go in and speak with the receptionist, and she tells me that I cannot request for the DNA test, that Virgo would have to request for it, but Virgo got mad and said no because that’s his baby and he always going to be there for him even if he’s not his son. So, we then go back to Ethan mother house, and they’re taking pictures of the baby with Ethan when his mother bust out this is my grandson. I asked what did you say ma? This is my grandson she repeats. We leave and head home to Moore haven. Virgo and I argued and argued over the next two weeks, and then he hit me and knocked my gold tooth out. He also split my left eyebrow towards the end and made me sprang my ankle. That’s when Ethan stepped up and moved in with me and our baby (he was there a couple weeks maybe), but the whole time we were there having sex or whatever, Virgo was peeking in the window watching us. Virgo would come over and bring me beer (Natural Ice is what I prefer), and marijuana for me and Ethan to smoke. Virgo would then get mad when I tell him I didn’t want to get back with him, and then try to hit me. I’ll scream, Ethan comes out and Virgo takes off running. I ended up having to go back to the hospital for them to check my ankle, Ethan has the baby (or so I thought), but I’ll later find out he let another chick hold my son. We get back home from the hospital and still end up having it out with Virgo and some people from the town (who we all know and chilled with at some point)! Now it’s time for me to go sing with the choir and I find out about this nothing ass round the way Labelle foot dragging b***h saying Ethan is her man, so we bump heads and argued, then I told her hold up I’m on my way over there and Ethan is going to be with me and our child.. We have a few more words and I hang up the phone. We head to church and after it’s over I go outside before church let all the way out, that’s when my sister in law say, sis these hoes talking about jumping me! I’m like whom? But before she could answer this impala pulled up and all the doors opened, so many chicks came out and started fighting my sister in law, Ethan throwing chicks and pushing them to the ground, and this tall chick was jumping in the fight I hit her ass one time and she dropped. Now everyone from inside the church is outside the fight breaks up quickly, now the chick I was posed to fight is sitting on the park laughing. Then she calls Ethan mom and say I let her get jumped. The whole while you posed to be Ethan ole’ lady, so why you didn’t come help your sister-in-law fight? Matter of fact you called your home girls and told them your sister-in-law was trying to holler at their man, and sent them at her, not me! But that’s your in law, right? Later that night she calls Ethan sister and I get on the phone, she say’s o yea that night you were in the hospital and Ethan had your baby, and he was with your dad! Yeah, I say! She says I held your baby, and the next time you come to church over here I’ll hit you in your shit while you are holding your baby. I snapped! Some months go by I get back with Virgo and Ethan start dating some girl, but I was still going over there staying with him. They eventually end up breaking up sometime later, but I’m still getting motel rooms and staying whenever I could with him. Around October 3, 2010 I go to my mother house and my 11-year-old niece Nisha (at the time) say’s auntie, I have something I really need to tell you! I reply what’s up boo, gone and tell me whatever you got to say cause I’m about to go. My niece replies it’s about Uncle Ethan and Cousin Beth! I stop quickly and say what? Tell me now! Well auntie…. She pauses! Uncle Trigga and Uncle Ethan went to pick up Cousin Beth, brought her and her little sister Amy over here. We were supposed to go to Aunt Mona house and get in the pool, but when they got here (she continues) they were all in the room hugging and kissing. They wouldn’t let us in until granddad made them open the door. I say wait hold up auntie baby let me get this straight! Ethan and Beth were in my mother house hugged up, and kissing? Well hold up, I left Ethan with my kids, so where the hell were they? (I asked in a mad tone) Auntie, she replies he had them. I say o hell no! (Now my sister Tee is like I told her she is not wrong for telling you)! I dial Ethan number it goes straight to voicemail, so then I dial Beth number!
Phone rings.... Rings again...
She answered hello!
I said so cousin you sleeping with my baby daddy? Y’all were hugged all up and kissing in my mama house over my kids?
Beth replies cousin what you talking about?
I say bitch when was you going to tell me you fucking my baby daddy? Don’t play dumb!
She replies bitch I didn’t fuck him yet, but I am soon then hung up.
I then called my brother Trigga and said, so you mean to tell me that you going to take Ethan to be with Beth, and bring them to mama house over my kids disrespecting shit?
He then says nothing!
Hello, I say!
He responds yes sister!
I then say there’s no way in the world you could tell me you didn’t know what was going on! You are supposed to be my brother and this how you do me your blood sister, baby sister at that. I tell you what then after mom and dad renew their vows don’t you ever talk to me again just act like I’m not your sister and you don’t even know me.
So, over the next couple weeks (from that 3rd day in October till around the 16th when I found out Beth had moved in with Ethan and his mom) it was so much arguing, commotion, and drama. I’m crying my eyes out constantly and Virgo is like wow I don’t believe he would do something like that after all the time y’all known each other! I respond and say, I don’t know why they didn’t get together back in the day when we were growing up! Why wait until now to do this! (But tells Beth that he wrote her letters before she came home, but I didn’t send them which was a lie He knew he only wrote her one time when we were together on a letter I sent her, when I sent her pictures of my oldest son.) Everyone was talking about me, and telling me why are you crying? (It doesn’t matter anyway isn’t the other dude (Virgo) your baby daddy who signed for your baby) Ethan family was talking about me, picking, wanting to fight, and drag my name through the dirt. I’m home alone at night looking at my baby boy, (which looks just like his family) crying, and crying. Nobody to talk to and stressed out, because no matter what we went through I loved that man throughout anything! Even though I was hurting, my heart still longed for his love, and I couldn’t just stop loving him. (I had not seen him since earlier the day that everything first started) then I find out he told my dad that the baby was not his son. That was it! I called this reality show (that does DNA test and a lot of people watch it all across the world), I told them my story and that I really need a DNA test cause my ex signed my son birth certificate after I told him it wasn’t his baby, and now he refusing to do one. I went on to explain on how Ethan was a great dad to his son, and my older son until the day I found out about him and my cousin Beth. So, they flew us to Stamford Connecticut November 2, 2010 and gave us the DNA test results on November 3, 2010: Ethan you are the father. Then it was even more drama and more drama until I felt like there was nothing left of me. I felt like how this man could come and build up my self-esteem all these years and be the one to turn around and tear it down! The pain of betrayal that I felt was unbelievable and now it’s to the point of hate and wanting to commit a crime of passion. I’m trying to work things out in my head, while listening to Mary j. Blige- missing you, all day and night! Crying over and over whenever I was alone, Ethan insists on telling our son to call Beth mama. How do you get over so much pain? Will I lose my mind, or will I hold on and maintain? Trust me it was hard and the thought about moving on was driving me insane, because we usually end up back together. This time it won’t happen, I had to make myself be strong and realize this man has no respect for me at all, or he wouldn’t have done that from the start whether we were together or not. He knew that was his son, and she was my cousin (Blood or not)! So even if I wanted him back and still loved him, I knew it would never be me and Ethan again. I left to another state just to get away and find myself over again. Now it’s an emergency with my best friend and I rush back home to Florida. It’s been five months since all of this started, and I’ve had to stay humbled, bite my tongue, and walk away from a lot. I was bitter and mad with all men, thinking all them were dogs, mad at the world (because he could’ve slept with anyone else besides someone close to me or my family). I was done with love; Ethan made me hate all men, and that’s when I met up with Jam. O my how he swept me off my feet and captivated me by his words and gentle, yet firm touch. I explained to him all my pain and he assured me that I no longer had to worry. I was bitter and didn’t believe him, and then around April 8, 2011, we made it official that we were a couple and at that very moment he helped mend my heart. He showed me how to love again; he treats me like a queen and respects me as a lady. Now it’s January 2013, and our wedding is next month February 16, 2013! I can truly and happily say I’m in love. Thank God for the experience because it made me a stronger woman and prepared me for this awesome man, whom hand I’m about to accept in marriage. I forgave Ethan and Beth a long time ago not for them but for myself.
Thank you for taking time out to read my personal story, hurtful yet emotional but I’m thankful because the woman I am today, is better than the woman I was before and that’s because I’m walking by faith. I wake up smile and thank God for blessing me and never giving up on me. I had to take it one day at a time because Ethan also told Beth that I still wanted him and was texting him.
It’s a good thing Jam had my phone and seen where Ethan texted me and said that he would fight over me, and a whole lot of other mess. He also tells people that he just ran over me and always cheated on me and told me in my face, but why argue when I know none of that is true… Obviously it was something that kept us together back then and if you going to tell something tell it how it is. We all slept on the floor, what black person hasn’t made a pallet? I have nothing to hide no one is perfect, but if you’re going to do something be man or woman enough to own up to it. The decisions you make today is going to reflect on you tomorrow. I tried to make plans and let Ethan be a part of our son life, but Beth tells someone that he jacks my son up and throw him against the bed at the age of 1 ½ almost 2 years, and say you going to be nothing but a pussy ass nigga like your step dad Jam. When I tell you it was so much drama, (I regret now my actions because I should have just called the police and let them sort it out) I snapped and was ready to fight because this is my baby, our baby and I felt like Ethan hated me so much that he would do something like this to his own son all because he wanted Beth to take him…. My lord if I would have stayed calm and handled it the right way something could have been done, but once again at the age of 3, I let my son go back over there with his father, now since him and Beth is no longer dating when his mom gets mad with him because he was about to fight her husband. She takes it out on my son and wants him to leave now! The way I feel is it doesn’t matter is she living off a fixed income, because she didn’t make a baby with me. Ethan should be able to have our son where ever he’s at because that’s his son also. Her income does not have anything to do with me and his son because I lived off a fixed income and take care of my kids, so why he couldn’t do it one summer! Ugh it was a mess, but Jam and I is tired of it and ready to stop dealing with them, but we know we can’t, then every now and again Virgo pops up to see the baby because his name is still on the birth certificate, even though we have the DNA results.
