The Long Drive

04:14 pm

Something was missing from my hand. Something very important. Something I needed desperately as I sat on the backseat of the porcelain-like, white sedan. It’s the car that triggers this yearning. I could never stand this damn car. Perhaps my frustration was a little unearned. After all, the sedan had helped me throughout my life. Whether it be making sure I could go to the best school in the city or even a mesmerizing road trip across the countryside. I was grateful for those experiences. I truly was. But I just couldn’t stand it. The perfect, white sheen on the body of the sedan made my skin crawl and I took a long, deep breath as I tried to calm down. I immediately regretted the sound I just made.

“Why are you still awake?” Dad said with a tone of frustration from the driver’s seat. “I told you to get some sleep, didn’t I?”

“I get it, Dad. But it’s such a nice day outside. The weather is just perfect and the view from here is amazing. It would be a waste to --”

Dad interrupted me before I could finish by raising his voice, “This isn’t up for discussion. I told you to do something and you will do because I said so.”

“But, Dad …” and I stop. Maybe I shouldn’t have continued. Maybe it would’ve been best if I just left it. I had made it 4 weeks without a big argument. That was a new personal best. I didn’t want to squander my roll.

Dad took a deep breath and spoke with a lowered voice. “Son, you have to understand. You’re going to be driving for the last leg of the journey. I don’t want you to be tired or sleepy then. I am trying my best to make things easier for you.”

“I know that, Dad. But–”

He interrupted me again, though this time continuing in the lower voice. “I am doing what’s best for you.”

That’s where the conversation ended. I couldn’t really argue with that logic. We continued as if nothing happened and I pretended to be asleep. Neither of us spoke for the next few hours. That nagging feeling I talked about before didn’t really go away, though. God damn, a quick cigarette would’ve helped in taking the edge off.

06:26 pm

Finally, the white sedan entered the mountain pass. This was the part of the journey I always looked forward to. The endless mountain range with each peak implied its own mysteries. Usually, I took this trip by bus. Whenever the bus stopped due to traffic or at the bus stop, I would take out my camera to take super traditional, large depth of field shots of the landscape. It’s predictable but if it ain’t broke, you don’t fix it.

The car came to a halt due to traffic and I saw it as a great opportunity. I quickly reach into my backpack to pull out my new camera. It was the Canon EOS 5DS R. Before I could take some photos from inside the car, Dad immediately rolled up the windows. He closed it completely without even an inch to look through. The fairytale esque scenery was then being filtered through the sedan’s shit-tinted glass. Dad noticed the camera off the rearview mirror and got really angry.

“Is that a new camera? I told you not to spend any more money on this photography bullshit.”

My jaw flexed in response to that comment and I said: “I didn’t spend any of YOUR money.” I noticed my rude tone and lowered my voice, “I won it at a competition.”

Fury rose in Dad’s eyes as I realised my mistake. “This competition. Is that part of the stupid university photography club? I told you not to waste any more of your time there, didn’t I”

“But Dad. I made sure to --”

“Because of this hobby, you haven’t been spending enough time on your studies.” Dad raised his voice again. “You’ll quit this club once you get back and that’s the end of discussion”

I couldn’t have said anything after that. Of course, Dad would know what’s best for me. I shouldn’t have argued with him in the first place. I closed my eyes and looked away in shame.

15 minutes in and the traffic didn’t advance at all. Suddenly, a blue light appeared at the corner of my eye. I looked to my left and saw the man in blue, for the first time. He just seemed to appear out of nowhere. He always appeared wearing a bright, blue jacket and hence the name. He was about my age but was on a rusty old bicycle. However, those weren’t the details I was focusing on at the time. What I was concentrating on was what he held between his fingers. He was holding the thing I thought was missing. It was a cigarette. Seemed to be of the British American Tobacco brand. I could tell. I sat in my car entranced as he moved the cigarette with a practised hand towards his lips. Hoping that I could gain some of his ecstasies, I started breathing with the same rhythm as the man in blue, which continued for an unknown amount of time until I heard Dad’s voice and I was brought back to Earth.

“He looks like a damn ruffian. He better not use my precious sedan as an ashtray.” Dad commented as he pointed at the man in blue.

“Yeah, any form of stain would stand out a lot on a perfect, white surface.”

Rage arose in Dad’s eyes. I continued to look at the man in blue as if nothing happened. Before Dad could say anything, the traffic started moving and Dad shifted his focus to driving. Before long, the sedan passed the cyclist behind and I didn’t think I would ever meet him again. Little did I know.

09:02 pm

I heard that bizarre bell sound from the phone in my pocket. I took out my phone to check what it’s about. Dad didn’t seem bothered by what I was doing at this point. I unlocked my phone to see it was from Raju.

The message went as “Yo, how were your results? Electromagnetism was a bitch for me.”

I didn’t know how to respond and hence I replied with “I really, really don’t wanna talk about it.”

I saw that he read my message but kept on typing for a while. I thought to myself, ‘What the hell is he gonna ask now? I swear to God if he starts asking anymore --’

“BTW, you know the lake next to our dorms. The duck who lived in that lake died 2 days ago. He buried next to the lake this morning.”

Saddened by the news, I responded, “That’s a bummer. The photo that I took of the duck was a part of the showcase for my exhibit. I’ll be sure to pay my respects.”

Raju sent another text, “Also, Professor Jenin has a message for you. Check your mail as soon as possible.”

‘Check my mail’ I thought to myself. I had not been living at my dorm for almost a month at that point as I had been visiting my parents during my vacation time. It occurred to me that if I was not staying at the dorms, the admin office would forward all mail to my parents’ address. I quickly asked Dad “Dad, did you receive any mail for me?”

“Oh yeah, I think so. It was a blue letter from some guy called Lisbl Tansa. I forgot --”

“LISBL FUCKING TANSA” I shouted at the top of my lungs. Dad, shocked by my sudden outburst was visibly shaken. My memory about what happened immediately afterwards is still really hazy. I remember some screeching tires, though. Despite Dad’s confusion, he managed to keep to sedan on the road somehow. After Dad had regained control of the situation, a bright red flashed across his face.

“What the hell is going on? Do you have any idea about how much this car costs, what kind of damage you could have caused the sedan because of your idiotic outburst and how much repairs could have cost?’ Dad said as he glared at me through the rearview window.

Nothing about what he said mattered to me. At least at this moment. I was too busy thinking about how much I owed Professor Jenin for she had done for me. During the Winter Amateur Photography Exhibit, I had won 2nd place for my work and Professor Jenin has promised to send my portfolio to my idol and inspiration, Lisbl Tansa. Dad continued with his usual lecture about wealth and all that. In the meantime, I tuned it out and started daydreaming about taking some fast shutter speed photos of cheetahs running across the African Savanna, while learning from the best in the business, Lisbl Tansa. However, I was brought back to reality by one Dad’s enquiries about the letter as he handed it to me.

“So is this Lisbl Tansa guy from a big engineering company or something since you seemed pretty excited, to say the least. Did you get an internship offer?”

The fire faded from my eyes. Internship offer? As if. I shouldn’t have gotten excited about it in the first place, believing in such a ridiculous pipe dream, which was working with Lisbl Tansa and being able to do this professionally.

“Well, are you gonna tell me or not?” Dad glared again.

“Uh…” I wasn’t sure how to respond. I managed to take control of my mental state and answered “It’s probably from the club, Dad. But before you say anything, I want you to know that you don’t have to worry about. Once I get back to my dorm, I’ll contact the club and cancel my membership”

Dad squinted his eyes as if unsure of what I just said. “Just like that, huh?”

“Yep … Just like that.”

“That’s good. This is your step on your journey to get back on track.” A grin appeared across Dad’s face. After that, you’ll be able a successful engineer just like Chatur.”

“Thanks, Dad” I answered as I secretly clenched my fists. I moved my face towards the blind spot of the rearview mirror. Or at least what I thought was the blind spot. As tears flowed down my cheek, the only thing I could think of was how much a cigarette would have helped me in dealing with the scream echoing within every cell in my body.