Chapter 1
Everything in italic are memories not the present!
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Students with mental disorders experience school in different shapes and forms and deal with it differently, this in no way accurate or true, all the characters, places and plots are made up. This is not real.
***This pic is NOT mine***
***This story is mine, please do NOT copyright***
WARNING: This story contains themes that may be disturbing to some readers; school shooting, mental illness, bullying, mature language.
NOTE (Important): A lot of you may be confused with this story: so in nutshell, the main character has BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder) and she gets tired of the way she's treated and shoots her class.
Symptoms:
* very intense emotions that last from a few hours to a few days and can change quickly (for example, from feeling very happy and confident to suddenly feeling low and sad).
* don’t have a strong sense of who you are, and it can change significantly depending on who you’re with.
* find it very hard to make and keep stable relationships.
* feel empty a lot of the time.
*act impulsively and do things that could harm you (such as using drugs or driving dangerously).
* self-harm or have suicidal feelings.
*You have very intense feelings of anger, which are really difficult to control.
*When very stressed, you may also experience paranoia or dissociation.
If you experience at least 5 of these symptoms go see a doctor.
ANOTHER NOTE (sorry). All the parts that are in italic are flashbacks so memories she had, that lead her to do what she did.
Enjoy;)
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There’s red, red everywhere, painted on the floor, on the wooden desks and chairs, on the beige walls and shattered windows, flowing from sleeping bodies on the floor, like a river, meeting a crimson ocean.
As I observe the little holes that litter the black board, awareness starts to slowly creep. A long- wailing scream pierces the stillness of the room, red and blue light shine accusingly from outside. I feel my hand holding something, I look down, they’re embracing something cold and dark, my fingers recoil, I drop it. Clack. My mind tumbles. Clack
Clack
*Flashback*
Clack
My attention snapped to the sharp clacking of heels on the stone floor, I closed my eyes.
“Miss Walker,” a shrill voice snapped at me, forced my eyes open, jaw clenched, I slowly picked myself off the cold floor.
I followed her into her bleak office, her musky perfume burned my nostrils as I sat on the uncomfortable chair in front of her desk.
She cleared her throat, beady eyes sharpened, red lips poised, spilling a cascade of bullshit. I ignored her, stalked a trail of thought, touched on memories as her grating voice filled the room. My eyes focused on a stack of papers that was on her right, to the specs of dust that danced in the air and the drooping plastic plant that sat in the corner of the ro-
“Miss Walker, are you listening to me!” My attention focused on her old and haggard face, smothered with foundation to hide the wrinkles.
Fucking bitch
An intruding smile slipped past my control, my face accommodated it. What an ugly-
“You are being expelled.” She summarised.
My smile disappeared, hers didn’t, her beak-like nose looked down at me, something strange grasped my mind. Anxiety.
no, No, NO
“No”
“It wasn’t a question Miss Walker”
My nails started digging into my flesh, peeling away the skin.
“Due to your violent behaviour towards my students, I had no choice”
The pink lines on my arm split and turned red as anxiety was drowned by anger. Fat. whore.
“And I don’t think we have the adequate environment to help you, we have already doubled your medication to no avail”
cun-
“We will be sending an email to your parents in advance”
My throat tightened.
I wanted to shout, scream at the unfairness but i just stood up, covered my arm, having had enough of the old hag, “ Thank you for your time” I spat out.
Impulsively sending her a crude gesture with my finger, I walked out.
Her loud yapping fell to covered ears, as I stepped into the hallway, the dark floor boards, whined, creaked.
*End of flashback*
Cr
e
e
a
ck
The unstable, fragile wood groans under me, threatening to break, announcing my presence. Scrutinising eyes staring, mouths muttering, sneering, whispering, giggling snickeringlaughing-
Shut up
”I heard she slept with-”
Shut up
“What a slut”
Shut up
“I heard she was-“
Shut up
“Whore”
“What a freak”
SHUT UP
A murky feeling violates my consciousness, it’s chaos. I can feel it, see it, almost taste it creeping out from the darkest corners of my mind, threatening to devour me.
I just want it to go quiet, to go away.
My hand tightens on the grip panel and I raise my hand, before my infected thoughts have a chance to stop my trembling fingers, they hug the trigger. Bam.
*Flashback*
bam Bam BAM
“You’re nothing” she choked out through clenched teeth, her face twisted with hatred as she held me down, her eyes revealed something eerie, her perfect barbie mask broken.
“You’re nothing!” Bam “You’re nothing!” Bam “You’re nothing!” she shrieked over and over again as the sound of flesh hitting flesh rung down the cubicles. I laid there, unmoving, my flesh tattooed with bruises. Shards of broken glass caressed my back. Bones broke. CRACK
Crack
*End of flashback*
crack
Before the first person could embrace the floor, I was laughing. I laughed and laughed and laughed, the tingle of euphoria and adrenaline echoing in my soul, dancing in my veins.
Joy
I find myself unable to stop. My feet moving, my body twisting, my back arching in a dance. I close my eyes, let my body sway to the crude sound of bereavement.
It all went away.
Silence.
I take a shuddering blissful breath.
Empty shells twinkle in my ears, sharp broken shards of glass glitter as they fall, rounds flying as they plant themselves on the figures in the room. I don’t even hear them, the underwater screams.
Then it was over, and there’s red, red everywhere, painted on the floor, on the wooden desks and chairs, on the beige walls and shattered windows. Flowing from sleeping bodies on the floor, like a river, meeting a crimson ocean. One so deep I could drown in it.
By Elizabeth Brunner
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Meaning of the title: "Square one" in this story has two different meanings, one of them is that it means new beginnings, and she gets a new beginning when she kills/leaves behind her her past of bullying and pain and is about to start a new chapter in her life, the other not so positive meaning is that she was in school too get better and try to live with her BPD but then she snapped and ruined all her process, taking her back too square one.
