Thoughtful Nightmares

Well, how do you see death? How do you know that this phenomenon can be known as death? I started to look in this matter after a short but life-changing incident. It was back then when I was in college doing my masters in business. I used to live in a rented flat and had to travel a lot. To reduce this travel stress, I started smoking and I never thought it will seem impossible to leave it and restrict myself from a pleasure that helped me forgot all my stress. However, after a lot of struggle, I finally quit and I was sober for two months. It was Monday and as a student I knew Mondays are the hardest to wake up, get your shit and show your face in the classroom but I never thought I will neglect that thought and find myself awake at 4 in the morning. I tried to sleep but I was inadequate. There was only one thought running in my head, I was watching myself crying in a ground spread infinitely. It was disturbing because I never thought you could ever cry in a dream and it was like I never wanted to stop and I was crying my heart out and then I woke up. I tried to get it out of my mind and I thought it was a side effect of my smoking cessation. In this process I realized it was already 7:00. I usually woke up and left for college at 8:00 but today I thought I should go a little early. I got ready for my journey and left the flat at 7:30.

As I was at the bus station I was still thinking about the dream and then I saw my enemy. Although I thought of not buying, I still bought a packet and started to smoke on the bus. It was okay and I started to feel calm now. I reached campus at 8:15 and as I was early, there was hardly anybody. I went straight to my classroom which was on the 7th floor. When I reached to my classroom, I saw a bunch of students were getting high. Among them I saw Avinash who was a friend of mine. For some days Avinash was acting weirdly. I thought because his father died a month ago and he was soon going to leave college but now I realized that it was a wrong decision of his life that got him here.

I went straight to him in the room, grabbed him, and took him out of the room. I slapped him a few times trying to make him conscious. We both sat near the balcony and I gave him some water. As soon as he drank water he started crying and hugged me tightly and I grabbed him too. We hugged each other for a long time and then I tried to stop him from crying. It was okay at first then he again cried like this was the first time he was crying after the death of his dad. I hugged him again to make him feel comfortable but there was nothing I could do about it. I thought of asking him questions about the whole thing but I remained silent. I went to bring some more water for him but when I returned, I saw he was crying again and it then struck me. I was looking at myself and it terrified me. I stood there watching him crying and suddenly my head started to ache. I think it was because of smoking but as soon as I blinked, I saw Avinash standing at the corner of the balcony and he jumped at the very next second I thought of running towards him. Then suddenly I stopped, I saw his shirt was stuck in a nail and he was right there in front of my eyes, covered with blood on the ground. I kept looking at him for 5 minutes until the crowd gathered. That day I realized my bullshit reasons can be neglected if I wanted to live. I never smoked after that and now when I look back at that incident, I still think what would have happened if I never reached early on that day for college, Avinash would still be alive however he would have been addicted but that was an issue resolvable. That incident still tells me to never try and look your dream into your reality.