Shattered ones

(inspired by the song Shattered by Trading Yesterday).

I see only darkness—an endless void of nothing. I feel myself drifting further away. Then, visions of my past emerge. My first home run. My first dance. Visiting my grandparents, all of them flood my mind. They fill me with such happiness and comfort. Suddenly, a new vision comes, one of a white building, and then, just as suddenly, a white light flashes before me. Its sight nearly blinds me, but I erase the darkness and my memories. As the light fades away, my eyes begin to adjust. My vision is foggy, but as they become more apparent, I feel a slight pain in my chest. I turn my head and see a figure over me in what appears to be a white uniform. Looking over my shoulder, I see another figure dressed the same. I tried to listen, but my hearing was still fuzzy. Then the pain becomes more apparent, and as I glance down, I see red on my chest—lots of red. The shock wakes up my senses, and my vision finally returns.

Now I could see that I was in a white room, on a bench with only white pants, with two doctors cutting into my chest. They acted as if I were not awake and continued with what they were doing.

“This is wrong,” said one doctor. The voice sounded feminine, and her smell reminded me of my mother.

“I knew this would happen. You became attached to it. He’s a clone, not a person.” This came from the doctor who was cutting into my chest. His remark also reminded me of someone familiar: my dad. As my eyes look around the room, one thing catches my attention. The male doctor was another body to my left, behind, but this one looked like me. He had the same brown hair, green eyes, tan skin, and a cut over his eye from an accident long ago. Then, from the corner of my eye, I see a barcode on it reading 'SUBJECT 1'. My eyes grew wide at the realization. That body on the table across from me was the original, and I was the clone. Questions rush through my mind. Why is this happening? What’s going on? Where am I? All these thoughts flooded my brain, and before I could react, the male doctor continued cutting into my chest. Feeling my skin tear from the knife, I scream in pain. My sudden outburst alerted the two doctors that I was awake. Fearful, one leaves the table and opens a door calling for security—meanwhile, the other tries to put me back to sleep. Reaching over, he grabs a mask filled with anesthetic and tries to put it over my mouth. I struggle with him, the pain giving me a sense of adrenaline.

As my hand reaches his face, I pull down his surgical mask and expose a horrific sight. The man was my father, or so I believed. Tears begin to form, but they are soon replaced by anger as I lunge at him. Losing his footing, he stumbles backward and lands on the floor, my body landing on the hand with the scalpel. We both land with a thud, and I feel the blade enter my chest. It’s cold steel sliding between my ribs. I groan in pain, and I struggle to get back up. Using the table, I prop myself up and slowly pull the blade out. I felt a sharp pain, and then the blood oozed out. Placing my hand over the wound, I weakly push my way past the other doctor. I smell another familiar scent —the ocean, with its cool breezes and salty air.

I look over my shoulder and see two armed guards making their way toward me. Losing blood fast, I run down the narrow hallway and try to find a way out. Right and left, I find myself lost and going in circles. Then I heard the faint sound of waves crashing against the shore, unsure of which way to go, and the guards drew closer, down the right corridor as quickly as I could. As I got closer, I felt cold and knew I was losing too much blood too fast. To my miracle, I see an exit sign and burst through the doors.

Outside, I saw the grey sky and felt the grass under my feet. All around me were trees, more buildings, and an ocean view. “There he is,” said a voice from behind. The guards managed to catch up. With my last bit of strength, I run to the ocean. The breeze brushed past my face, and as I thought I would be safe, I quickly stopped. Two inches away from my feet was a massive drop with jagged rocks at the bottom and the ocean. I was on the side of a cliff. Two ideas ran through my head. I either die on the rocks or die here. Taking my chances and danger close behind, I said my prayers and accepted my fate. Jumping off, I fell to my inevitable doom and again was greeted with darkness.

I do not know how long I was out, but by some miracle, I survived. I awoke on an unknown shore with the ocean crashing against me. I get up on my knees and look down at my chest. The wounds were still present, so I was not out of the woods yet. Centering myself, I try to remember what had happened before. Sadly, all I could remember were fragmented images. What I did remember was that the life I knew didn’t exist.

And I was a clone. “All is lost,” I told myself. I wanted my life to end, but I needed answers to why I was made and for what. I then said to myself that as long as I lived, hope remained, and I would find the place where I belonged.

All I had to do was stand up and take the first steps