Regret

Have you ever had something with so much meaning and purpose in your life, then it can be ripped from your arms? I did...

I have done some extremely awful things in my past that gives me a great amount of regret. About thirteen years ago my anger got the best of me. Resulting in the murder of my sister. The reason was ridiculous and petty. I freaked out and managed to cover up my tracks so no one found out. Though in the end it didn’t matter. Someone found her when walking their dog around about six years later. Their dog went crazy digging and the owner found her body.

The police and the forensic officers started up an investigation on her and the murder weapon with all evidence leading back to me. I have a three year old son, I’m not aloud to see him anymore. The social worker took him from, I don’t know where he is. Then they chucked me in prison.

I had a couple weeks before getting released from that toxic environment. Prison is horrendous. It’s life changing. I despise that place with a passion. There was this plain piece of paper stuck to my empty cell wall. Where I’d desperately count down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until I got out. It was crumpled to within an inch of its life. I would sit on that stingy old mattress where I’d contemplate as the time would draw near. Sure, I did deserve what I got. I’m not discrediting that. Though what would I do when I got out? Would the people I’ve known and loved, look at me differently? Yes, yes they did. Their perception of me has changed drastically. I now have no life to live. I’m oblivious as to where my son is. My family refuses to talk to me. I can’t get a job. Whenever they do a DBS check on me they see the awful crimes I’ve committed. I’m homeless now.

What’s the point...