Those Three Words

THREE YEARS AGO

I stared at the computer screen while biting my lip, going back and forth on whether this was a good idea or the stupidest one I'd had since in a little over two years. Sighing, knowing that it was worth a shot, I pressed the button on the mouse that activated my profile on the website for sugar babies. I'd heard a random lady talking about it in the store aisles a couple days ago, and it'd piqued my curiosity. I'd googled the site to death, comforted to know that it was legit and safe but still nervous about the decision.

I knew that it was a long shot, but I was exhausted from working as a bartender and cleaner to barely be able to get by after bills and paying the sitter that I needed nearly constantly. Having twin two year olds and being a single mom at 23 was difficult and stressful and I couldn't imagine life without my babies. My only regret was not getting to spend more time with them, but feeding them and keeping a roof over their head was just as important.

Hence, Cavity, the aforementioned site. I'd considered stripping but I needed a steadier and more dependable form of income and couldn't afford to quit my other jobs to try and get started with that.

I heard the squeak of a door from the room next to mine, and I was already smiling when I turned to see two pairs of eyes peeking at me from around the doorway. When I gave my babies a little wave, the shrieked with delight and stumbled their way towards me on their chunky legs. My heart ached with the cuteness, and I scooped them up in my arms to shower them with kisses- something I'd done after they got up from their naps for a while.

Dove and Slate giggled at my antics, then babbled in a mixture of nonsense and the bucketful of words they knew. I nodded along as I took in their big blue eyes and the white streak in their hair that matched the one I had, the same one my mom had.

"Momma sad?" Dove's tiny voice asked and she touched the wrinkle in my brow that formed at the thought of my mom.

"No honey, I'm not sad. I miss grandma, that's all."

"Love gee-ma!" Slate shouted happily.

Dove nodded, more solemn than her brother, as always. "Gee-ma in da sky."

"Yes, she is. She loves and misses you both too, though."

"I know Momma. Mac cheeses?"

I laughed at Slate's change of topic. He really did love his mac and cheese. "Of course. Lets go make mac cheeses!"

They both cheered, and a ping sounded on the computer behind me as I headed to the kitchen. I ignored it, figuring it could wait as this was one of the few days I got to spend with Slate and Dove.

I kissed my babies on their heads gently, not wanting to wake them now that I'd gotten them asleep in their beds. I knew I'd wake up to find them cradled together in one of the two beds, but I tried to make sure they at least started in their own. I stood looking at them for a moment, thinking about how fast they were growing up and how I loved and hated it at the same time. I would do anything and everything for them, to keep them safe and happy.

With that thought, I headed back to my room, sat at my desk and turned my computer on to check Cavity. My eyes widened with shock to see a slew of messages in my inbox already, and I held my breath as I opened the first one.

"Hi sweetie, I'm looking for a sugar baby to give a weekly allowance of $500. Message me on Klik."

The breath I held escaped me in a snort. "Yeah right buddy." I deleted the scam message, and moved on to the next one.

"Hi baby, got a sweet tooth? I have plenty of sugar for someone like you ;)"

Ew. My nose crinkled in disgust and I quickly blocked them and then deleted the message. I was only two messages in and I was already feeling like this was a mistake. I looked at my inbox, seeing I still had 17 messages to go through. With a groan, I decided to at least go through them before deleting the profile. I wasn't surprised to see a majority of the messages were similar to the first two. I had one that actually seemed real and their profile wasn't bad, but I noticed that they specifically wanted someone to be able to drop everything to go on trips etc at a moments notice, and with my kids that just wasn't possible. I sent him a message thanking him for his interest, but that I had too much going on to fit his specific needs. I was just about to delete the profile, thinking that it was just a waste of time for me, when it pinged again with a new message. I shrugged, clicking on the icon to open it.

"Hi Felix, I noticed on your profile that you said you were a fan of anti-jokes. Here's one for you: What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?"

I paused, tapping the desk trying to decide whether to respond or not. "Ah, fuck it," I muttered and typed out a response.

"Do tell, I haven't heard this one yet."

A moment later I had a reply. "'Where's my tractor?'"

The laugh that burst from me was quick and loud, and I covered my mouth, listening to make sure I hadn't woken the kids. Not sensing movement, I relaxed and started to type my reply.

"Lol! That's a good one. I'll have to use that." I waited for a minute for a response, and when it hadn't come I decided to take a look at his profile. Lex, 49 years old. He had a full head of black hair with some gray at his temples and dark brown eyes with a kind smile. I was actually a little shocked to see him on the site. He was handsome, obviously had a sense of humor, and I didn't get the feeling like was a creeper. The message icon dinged and I quickly tapped on it to open his message.

"Glad I could make you laugh. Assuming you did, at least. Anyway, I see you're pretty new to the site; I am too. I only signed up about a month ago, but I haven't found someone that I felt I could talk to. I hope I'm not being to forward or weird, but I'd like to get to know you."

I took a moment to think, looking at his profile in the other tab again. I noticed that he was in New York, and I felt a little disappointed to see he was so far away to where I lived in Ohio.

"I would like that. I do live in Ohio though, so I'm not sure if that would be an issue."

When I sent the message, a little notification popped up asking if I'd like to invite him to a chat session so I said yes, hoping he would accept. Seconds later, a chat bubble popped up in the bottom corner.

Thanks for the chat request! It'll make talking a little easier. But to answer your question, no that's not an issue. If we decide to meet up we'll figure it out.

Okay, just wanted to be upfront! So, have any luck on here?

Not so much. I'm looking for something, or a type of someone, in particular.

And what's that?

To put it simply, I lost my wife about two and a half years ago. At this point, I just want someone I can talk to. She was the love of my life, and not having her around is hard. I'm not interested in anything physical, but I want someone to make me feel alive again, instead of empty and alone.

Tears pricked at my eyes at his words. I could sense the heartache and honesty, and I decided right then to give it a shot.

I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I know it's not the same, but my mother passed a few months ago and she was the only person close to me I had left. So I can understand to an extent. I would love to see where a friendship could go... I do have a couple things in my life that make it hard for me to do a trip or activity spontaneously, to be upfront. I would need at least a week of notice to do anything like that if we get to that point.

That's not a problem. And thank you for your condolences, I pass mine on about your mother as well. Do you have any other requirements?

Not that I can think of, but since this would be my first anything like this, I reserve the right to change that. What about you?

Of course. As for me, once you feel comfortable, I'd like to be able to chat through the day and talk on the phone sometimes. Video chat every now and then, but not for any sexual reason. I just like the face-to-face interaction.

That seems fair enough. I sent the message, and then wondered how I could bring up money without feeling awkward.

Sounds like a plan. As for funding, how does weekly payments of $2000 sound? I'd also like to send a little extra every now and then so you can treat yourself to something like a spa day or buy something you want. I can also send you $300 now just so you know I'm legitimate. I know it can be risky for you, and I want you to be able to trust me.

I was frozen, staring at the screen in absolute shock. He wanted to send me basically ten thousand dollars a month? Just to talk to him! This seemed too good to be true, and usually that meant it was. Before I could start typing my reply, my phone vibrated on the desk. I picked it up to see a $300 payment notification through the app info I'd put up on my profile.

I don't even know what to say. That's incredibly generous of you, both the payment you just sent me and the offer. I honestly never expected anything like this and I can hardly believe it's real.

I confess, I was hoping my offer would convince you to say yes. I would like this to be exclusive for the time being, and I'm willing to pay you for that honor.

As long as it doesn't put you out financially, then I agree to your terms. Exclusive would be my preferred option as well, so that isn't too hard of a request.

Perfect. We can talk about payment days etc now or a little later, whatever you like.

Later is fine. I actually should be getting to bed, I kind of have a lot to do tomorrow.

Of course. Message me whenever you have the chance, I'll be waiting. Goodnight, Felix.

I sent him a goodnight as well, and then signed out. Leaning back in my chair, the reality of my life hit me hard. I prayed to whatever god existed that this Lex was honest and decent, because this would literally change my life for however long he was willing to fund me. Fingers crossed it was the saving grace I'd been holding out for.