Caught In Your Chaos

The thing about chaos is- you often find it when you are not looking for it.

I was supposed to be happy. I grew up in a very healthy environment, gifted with loving parents and amazing siblings. My sister Molly, four years older than me and happily pursuing her dream job. My younger brother Joshua, too young to understand what it means to be happy. For him, everything that allowed him to play his video games the whole day long without getting scolded by my mom meant happiness.

So, when I first met Jake, I was confused why the most popular guy in the college, with all the girls throwing themselves at him without even trying, was not so happy after all. It took me quite some time to break through his bad-boy façade to see the real Jake. Jake, who was filthy rich, slept with almost every girl, an underground fighter and an absolute jerk to me from the beginning, was depressed in ways no one bothered to know.

But there was one thing that I wished would have never happened. Jake gave words to my story, a fantasy that was missing from my imagination, and that was the reason I couldn’t let him go. He was to give life to my words, and I couldn’t stop myself from being selfish. And unbeknownst to me, I got caught up in his world while trying to weave him into my words.

Like a moth to the flame, I found myself drowning in his chaos, and it didn’t even make sense how I was ready to do anything to see that sun-kissed smile on his face. I didn’t know why I had to be his peace when he was everything that set my heart and soul in a hurricane.

And just like that, all my plans to have a peaceful college life went down the drain. The moment I looked into his dark black orbs, I found myself losing to the kind of guy my mom strictly forbade me to get involved with ever. Who knew four years of college life was to become everything I should have never sought. But also, everything deep down I wanted to with all my heart.