Truth

For the whole sixteen years of my life I’ve never really felt right. I’ve always fit in and I’m good with people but it’s like I’m living someone else’s life with their house, their clothes and their family. The crystal vase I was dusting drops from my hands and shatters all over the smooth wooden floors.

I look down at the small diamond like pieces of glass and sigh. More cleaning to do, yay! I walk out of the room to get a dust pan and brush, returning with a resigned huff and begin to sweep up the shards.

It is a typical Friday afternoon for me. Home alone, finishing off my homework and study for the week and of course, housework. As much as I hate it, I always try to get the housework done quickly. After all, once the house is clean I can go outside and relax. For this room in particular, I have to dust the piano and ornaments, plump the cushions on the three lounges and vacuum the floors. I always leave this room till last. I find it the most peaceful, where I can play to my heart’s content and not be scowled at by my stepdad Scott.

After I finish cleaning up all the smashed glass I stand and stretch my back. The piano is across from me next to the window, the sun making the oak wood gleam. It yearns for me to put my fingers on its keys and play. Before I know it, I’ve walked over to the piano and sat down, the dustpan on the lounge forgotten, the smooth lid beneath my fingers. I open it and begin to play.

The song ‘Where I Stood’ by Missy Higgins fills the room and as I play I look up at the photos that cover the top of the piano. Mum loves to cover the house in photos, most of the walls are covered and all of the surfaces are a terror to dust. But the piano is her favourite place to show them off. There is a picture of my younger brother James at his first soccer game. Another of my eldest brother Mark at his orientation day for university and Mum and I at her wedding with Scott. But out of all the photos, one of them stands out the most to me. It is a picture of my whole family together, even Scott.

The photo was taken on our trip to New Zealand last year; a beautiful mountain range sits behind us covered in snow. We all hated the mountains for some reason, but since Scott had “already booked the tickets” we had to go. Besides I was with Mark and we were having a great time together. I had even forgotten Scott was having his daily hissy fit at me and it was the only photo in the whole house with all of us smiling. A warm feeling ripples through me, but it turns cold as I try to remember the last time we looked so happy. I stop playing and grab the photo, bringing it down to rest on the keys.

Scott had one arm around my mum and the other hand on James shoulder. Mark is on the other side of mum with one hand in his pocket and his other slung around my shoulders. Mark and I are more friends than brother and sister. We love each other’s company and are really comfortable around each other. We often spend hours watching soap operas and making fun of the terrible acting.

Since there is a big gap between James and Mark in age, Mark is a more a father figure to James then a brother most of the time. For Mark, James is a pain in the butt, a responsibility rather than a brother as he is for me. I look out for him in the school grounds and embarrass him whenever I get a chance. Mum is always cheerful but in a quiet sweet kind of way, she will always sit in the background. If one of us said something you would always know if she found it funny because she will chuckle.

Then there’s Scott. We’ve never gotten along. None of us know why but ever since his eyes hit mine there was something cold in them and from that moment a war started. He treats me like nothing, like I had done something terrible to him, like he knew me years ago and we were mortal enemies, reunited in some cruel twist of fate. I try not to shrink to his level and I usually don’t. But sometimes I lash out and every time I do, Mark is in the other room and reminds me “that’s what he wants, don’t give him what he wants”

I shake my head trying to make the thoughts disappear and place the photo gently back on the piano. I slowly rise, wishing we could be a normal family. I wanted to come home and be happy, feel welcomed, not feel like I was in a jail. I again shake my head, forgetting my original thoughts to NOT think about that. I grab the dustpan and head to the bin in the kitchen. I empty the glass into the bin then walk outside with my book under my arm.

My block is filled with fresh green grass and trees scattered everywhere. I love most of the spots in our backyard but nothing quite compares to the almost perfect circle of trees that sits down the back, away from the unwanted glares. In the middle of the circle of trees is a stone chair, a perfect reading nook. It’s like when I walk through the branches they close behind me and the rest of the world is cut out. So whenever Scott is angry at me or is treating me like trash, I escape down to this perfect piece of paradise.

I run my fingers against the smooth bark of a tree before placing my book on the chair. I lay down on the soft green grass, my short, light brown hair flows around my head as I gaze up at the clear blue sky.

A cool breeze flows through the branches, making me pull the ends of my jumper over my hands and I cross my arms over my chest, huddling against the sudden cool. I feel my cheeks turn red and my eyes begin to dry from the cool winter air. I know I don’t have much time before everyone gets home so I close my eyes and let the breeze roll over me. The birds above me start to sing a beautiful song so I listen to them, their sweet melody flowing through me and soothing away my worries. The crisp smell of winter fills my nose and I smile, feeling myself calm more and more with every breath.

The bird song is suddenly cut short and my sleep interrupted when I hear my name being called. My eyes shoot open but I lay unmoving for a couple seconds until I hear it again. I stand, not knowing where to look I turn around in a circle, feeling like an idiot until I realise the voice was too close for it to come from the house. I slowly walk back to the trees, grabbing a large stick on the way. I scan the area but I cannot see anyone. Where are they? A shiver runs down my back as I get the feeling someone is watching me from a distance. A rustle from further up ahead startles me. I stifle a scream and make my way closer, but the feeling of being watched doesn’t go away. I get half way when I hear a voice behind me ask “What are you looking at?”

I was too frightened to scream I just jumped and spun around to find Mark standing there with the dumbest grin on his face, his hazel eyes looking down into mine. I groan in exasperation, dropping the stick and walking back to him.

“Umm... A bush” I say, pointing to the bush behind me. He stares at it with a playful frown, his head tilted,

“You were looking at a bush?” he says with a laugh.

“Well yeah it looks like a... a nice bush” I frown and fold my arms around myself, looking at the ground thinking of what else I could say to make me look less stupid. “What are you doing here anyway?” I ask, changing the topic and look up at him, his face drops a little and his eyes looked quickly concerned,

“Are you not happy to see me?”

“What? Of cause I’m happy to see you!” I step closer to him and reach up on my toes to give him a big hug. It lasts a bit longer then I planned, feeling all my emotions rise to the surface. I really did miss him and it is nice to finally see him again. I step away but he keeps a hold of my arms, leaning down to look into my eyes,

“Are you ok?” he asked in a soft low voice “you look worried”

“No, no I’m fine” I lie, quickly glancing over my shoulder at the bush then back to Mark “really, I am”

“Okay” he smiles again, seeming to accept this and starts to walk away. I’m about to follow when I remember my book still sitting on the bench and tell him to wait. I race back and grab it, pausing to look around the trees before running back to him. He’s leaning against a tree, looking off into the distance when I catch up. He straightens as I get closer and looks back at me.

I smile sheepishly, waving my book then ask “So really, why are you here?”

“Mum called and said she couldn’t pick James up from soccer and neither could Scott, so I did”

“So you had a break from uni?”

“No, not really I just wanted to see you all. James nearly tackled me to the ground when he saw me” Mark said with a smile.

“Oh I’m sure he did, he’s really missed you lately” I say like it’s old news.

“Really, he has?” the corner of his lips curls up into a smile.

“Yep. We all have” I mumble. His smile drops again, his face filled with worry.

“How’s Scott been?”

I look away and start walking slowly back toward the house.

“Oh you know, Emma this Emma that, the normal routine. He’s worse when you’re not around to defend me, or tell him that he’s wrong” I glance up at him to see his reaction. He’s looking at me intently,

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I’ve been so distracted with my work that I haven’t been able to visit. I was going to call last week but there was a big party on and it must have slipped my mind” he looks away from me in regret. I stop walking, stand in front of him and look into his sad hazel eyes.

“What are you talking about? Why are you sorry? I didn’t say that to make you sad” I smile reassuringly up at him “Yeah we have missed you but it’s your life too and you have been really busy. We know you visit every time you can” I rub his arm and he smiles, grabbing me and pulling me in for another hug. When he lets go he sniffs and runs his fingers through his dark brown hair,

“I’m such a wuss” he laughs. I laugh at him and shake my head.

“So how’s Uni going?” I ask once we start walking again.

He shrugs, “Good I guess”

I narrow my eyes slightly, looking straight ahead. He seems uncomfortable, like there is something he isn’t telling me. “I mean...” he sighs, looking lost for words and takes a deep breath. “Well there’s this girl Amy and we really hit it off, she is studying to be a Doctor too, so we are in the same classes, she really wants to meet you, I think you’ll really like her”

I smile after he’s finished gushing, “Her name is Amy?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said” he says shyly. I’m excited for him, feeling like a little girl with all my questions but I swallow them, instead playing it cool.

“She sounds nice; I’d love to meet her” I laugh “I need to see if she’s good enough for you!”

He punches me softly in the shoulder, “Really Ems?” he rolls his eyes and I smile.

“Okay, Mum will love to meet her too” I remind him.

“Oh God Mum’s going to freak isn’t she?” Mark groans, regretting the whole idea instantly and I laugh even more,

“Oh yeah, I wish you luck with that”.

As we neared the open back door I spotted James, hair matted, soccer uniform covered in dirt and grass stains, rummaging through the fridge. As we entered the house James turned to greet us, chocolate cake in hand, carrot stick hanging out of his mouth and a half grin plastered across his face.

“Well look what the cat dragged in,” he mumbled around the carrot.

I laughed, leaning across the island bench to snag said chocolate cake out of his hand and holding it above my head, “dragged in hey? Well if that’s the case then I think this cake is mine.”

James instantly pouted, grabbing the carrot stick out of his mouth, and reaching with the other to grab his prize.

“Hey no fair! Gimme that back!”

We continued to muck about like this until I caught sight of Marks slowly darkening face. I lowered my arm, James taking full advantage and snatching the cake back with a triumphant look before he too saw Marks expression.

Mark scowled, “I thought I told you to get changed out of those grubby clothes?”

James nodded slowly, “Yeah I am going to, I was just getting a snack befo-“

“No! you will get changed now like I asked!” Mark all but shouted. He was definitely angry, but about James not changing his clothes? That’s an overreaction if I’ve ever seen one.

James glared back at Mark, took a large bite out of the cake, chocolate icing forming a moustache over his lip before he stomped out of the kitchen to change.

I sighed. This was an everyday occurrence, Mark getting angry at James for something little. But never to this level. Is something wrong at the university? Or with his new girlfriend? I decided I’d ask him when he calmed down, putting it out of my mind for now.

I could see Mark was still very angry. I stepped toward him and put a hand on his shoulder calmly.

“Mark… that was a bit much don’t you think? He was only eating cake.”

He relaxed under my grip, sighing softly, “I’ll say sorry to James once he’s changed.”

I nodded, walking back to the island bench and snatching an apple from the fruit bowl. I turned back to him crunching into the red flesh and smiled, “So you’re staying for dinner.”

“I’m guessing that’s not a question” he smirked. I smiled and shrugged, taking another large bite, juice dribbling down my chin.

“well look at you, smarty-pants!” I say sarcastically “Come on Scott will be here soon, we should probably start dinner” I groan.

It was almost like magic how quickly dinner was prepared and in cooking. Mark had helped with the cheese sauce, James had helped with the pasta once he had changed and showered. Pretty soon we had everything in cooking and the kitchen cleaned up again. And I couldn’t help but feel sad that Mark was only here for tonight. Whenever he was gone I missed him like crazy. He was my rock. Whenever stress became too much to deal with, or Scott was excessively mean for no apparent reason, he was always there to help pick me back up and make me smile. He made our family complete. It just wasn’t the same without him.

After our real dad died from cancer six years ago, it hit us really hard, Mark in particular. He and dad were really close. James and I missed so much school, and mum was nearly fired from her job. It wasn’t our fault. Grief hit us really hard that year, from all the hospital visits, the continual bad news and no success, to then those final moments. All of us were together. A proper family. And I like to think he died peacefully knowing we would always have each other no matter what.

We wouldn’t be where we are now without Mark. He quit school, applied to every job he could just to keep food on the table for us. At one point, I think he was working three jobs and there was still barely enough to pay the bills as well as buy food and pay for school. But we made it through. He even managed to do his HSC through Tafe after everything. Top of his class with high marks in every subject. He would have done anything to get into university to study medicine. It’s been his dream ever since dad was first diagnosed.

I smile at the boys. Mark is trying to teach James how to whip someone with a tea towel. Of course James is just swinging it around with all his strength, a tight look of concentration on his face which only makes Mark laugh all the harder.

Mark smiles at me and I shake my head, stifling my own laughter. The warmth of the kitchen and smell of macaroni and cheese makes everything feel nice. Homey. It’s easy to forget about the storm cloud looming on the horizon.

And then that storm crashes over us with all the force of a hurricane, breaking up the easy atmosphere and sending us spiralling back to earth.

We hear the front door slam, and footsteps sound closer to the kitchen. Scott all but ignores us, dropping his coat on the dining room table and bag on the floor. He grumbles as he walks out of the room toward his study. He walks back out, phone in one hand, his other loosening his tie before he finally acknowledges us.

At the acknowledgment was little more than,

“Is dinner ready?”

I cross my arms and look pointedly at his bag and coat, “Are you going to put them away?”

He sneers at me and shakes his head, “No that’s your job is it not?”

I can feel my cheeks flush hot with anger.

“No it isn’t. The least you can do after I’ve cleaned the rest of the house AND made dinner is put way your own stuff instead of acting like a spoilt two-year-old” I snarl. He infuriates me something fierce. There’s just something about him that never fails to anger me.

I can feel Mark behind me, crouched down behind the island bench putting away the clean utensils.

He growls back at me, “Look, how many times do I have to tell you! Do not speak to me like that! I am the adult! I don’t do what you say, YOU do what I say! Is that clear!”

His face is almost purple with rage, spittle flying from his mouth with every anger-fuelled word. He runs his fingers through his gelled black hair. I’ve heard him tell mum before that it makes him look more professional. I think it just makes him look like the greasy disgusting man that he is.

“Scott… you don’t have to yell” James says quietly.

“Stay out of this James!” Scott yells with his grey eyes still locked on mine. We stand off for what seems like forever before Mark steps between us

“Scott that’s enough” Mark states calmly as he rises from behind the bench.

I swallow back a smirk as I see Scott falter. He obviously didn’t realise Mark was home.

“Mark? It’s good to see you” Scott said nervously.

“Don’t try to be nice to me Scott, you know that doesn’t work on me like it does on Mum”. Marks words are harsh, and I almost grin in triumph. In that moment I love Mark more than I ever have.

“Okay, what do you want then?” Scott asks “Showing up here out of the blue, uninvited? We don’t need you here. As I recall, we didn’t ask you to come here.”

“Mum called me actually. She needed my help” Mark says plainly.

“So you invited yourself to dinner?” Scott narrows his grey eyes at Mark

“No I did” I smirk as Mark puts his arm around my shoulders. We are a united front against our common enemy, and Scott knows it.

He sneers, “Of course you did.” It looked like he was going to say something else but he grumbled and turned away, walking down the hall. I glance up at Mark and he is staring after Scott shaking his head with a sigh. “I really don’t understand why he seems to hate us so much”.

“Because he’s an ass who thinks the sun shines out of his butt” I shrug.

He laughs, shoving me playfully, “don’t let him hear you say that. If he got any purple he’d be an eggplant”

“Ain’t that the truth” I laugh harder and hug him “I am glad you came Mark” I squeeze him tighter as his arms circle around me, hugging me into his warm embrace.

“Me too.”

I smile as a small head shoves in between us, “Hey! I want a hug too!”

Both Mark and I laugh and hug James between us, squeezing him until he squirms and breathes out “Okay! You can let go now!” The tension quickly eases and we break apart. I grab out the plates while James grabs the cutlery and Mark checks on the pasta.

“Can I smell Mac and Cheese?” Mum walks through the door smelling the air. Her eyes are closed, a smile on her face. She looks peaceful. The quiet after the storm. Her eyes open and her smile widens impossibly further when she sees Mark.

“MARK! You stayed!” she runs to hug him, almost winding him. He laughs and scoops her up into a hug, “Hey Mum, of course I stayed! Besides, you know Emma would never let me go” he looks over at me and smirks. Mum steps out of his embrace and smiles up at him. She reaches up and lightly ruffles his hair.

“You need a haircut soon. And thank you so much for picking up James, I couldn’t get out of work and I couldn’t get a hold of Scott so… thank you.” Marks shrugs, ruffling her hair back with a grin,

“Anytime mum. You know that.” She scowls, smoothing her hair before lightly punching him with a small smile.

She hugs me lightly, whispering in my ear “Thank you also Em. What would I do without you”. She steps away, her warm brown eyes searching keenly until they fall on to James, “AH! There’s my little James!” she scooped him up into a hug, planting kisses all over his cheeks. He squirmed, trying to get away

“Muuuuuuuuum stoooooooop please!” she laughed and let him go, reaching her hand out. He smiled and grabbed it, performing a handshake routine that never failed to make me smile. They were like little kids at Dreamworld.

“And where’s my kiss?”

We all turned to see a different version of Scott. The nicer, fake Scott that only ever appeared when Mum was around. Mum smiled and walked over to him, planting a kiss on his cheek also, “Hello Scott.” I don’t know how, or why, but somehow mum seems to love this guy. He is nothing like Dad, and I don’t know what she sees in him. He is like the complete opposite to Dad. They are nothing alike, and it make me miss Dad even more.

“Marks staying for dinner” she says joyfully.

“I know” Scott glances over at Mark with a fake smile playing on his lips before returning his attention to Mum.

“Mum” I say, internally gagging at the look in her eyes. It’s like she’s under a spell whenever she looks at him.

“Yes sweet heart?” She barely glances at me, still staring into Scott’s eyes.

“Dinners ready.” It seems to snap her out of whatever trance she was in and she steps back, looking at me with a smile.

“Wonderful come one everyone let’s eat” she grabs James’ hand and pulls him over to the stove to help serve it out.

Dinner is pained to say the least. Mum is oblivious to the obvious tension between Scott, Mark and I. James is busy digging into his macaroni, ignoring everything else but the plate in front of him.

Mum is still really happy, though her tiredness is starting to creep up on her. She smiles tiredly, placing her fork down and clasping her hands under her chin before turning her attention on Mark,

“So, how is university going?”

Mark nods, shovelling another mouthful in before answering “Good, really busy but good. Man I miss homemade cooking.”

Mum smiles fondly, “I’m sure you have. Your friends haven’t been distracting you have they?” I smirk and look down at my food, pushing the pasta around with my fork trying not to laugh. I look back up and Mark glares at me whilst I feign innocence. Mum frowns at us, “What? Why the looks? Is there something you’re not telling me? Mark?”

“What?” Mark asks, suddenly very interested in his food.

“I’m not stupid Markus Andrew Jones” Mum says sternly.

“It’s nothing Mum” Mark tries to reassure her “It was just something Ems and I were talking about earlier this afternoon. Nothing to worry about.”

“It obviously is if you’re glaring at your sister like that. Now what is it?” Mum looks between me and Mark, clearly waiting for an answer. I look at Mark and raise my eyebrow at him. He doesn’t look like he’s going to say anything, spluttering whilst trying to find some explanation. Its adorable in a pathetic sort of way.

I sigh, “Mark has a girlfriend.” I smile and look back at Mum.

“Has he now?” Mum looks at Mark.

Mark grits his teeth, “Nice one Ems”.

“And her name is?” Mum is slightly smiling and clearly not impressed.

“Amy, we have classes together” Mark mumbles.

“Amy and Mark, sitting in a tre- “James teases, raising his eyebrows at Mark and I giggle, covering my mouth.

“Oh grow up James” Mark spits out, his voice like a knife through butter.

“Mark why didn’t you tell me? I had to hear it from Emma and not you?” Mum is frowning at Mark now.

“Mum I was going to tell you” he says, a pained expression on his face “Ems just beat me to it.” Mum turns her head towards to me, one eyebrow raised. I stop giggling and nod,

“Yeah he was. He just couldn’t get his words out because he’s embarrassed.” I smile at Mark sweetly, and if looks could kill, I would be six feet under.

“Okay then. Mark when can I meet her? Were you planning on bringing her to meet the family? Or were you going to hide her from us?” Mum is clearly teasing him now, except Mark seems oblivious to this fact. Its laughable, and both James and I are trying not to laugh at the desperation on Marks face. Scott has been silent throughout this entire conversation, content to simply eat and watch us as per normal. He’s kind of creepy like that. He’s either yelling at me, or just watching me as if he’s waiting for me to sprout wings and fly away.

“We are busy for the rest of term, but we are free in the holidays. I can ask if she would like to meet you then if that is okay?” Mark sighs, defeated but still trying to make the best of the situation I dumped him in.

“I’m looking forward to meeting Amy” Mum smiles and turns to James, asking him about schoolwork. Pretty soon we’ve all finished, Mark having left not long after his ‘interrogation’ to study for some test he has on Monday. We were sad to see him go, especially me. It seemed like he hadn’t been here for all of five minutes before he was gone again. I swear I hugged him for at least four minutes. Mum had to pry me off him so she could hug him goodbye.

That night in bed I thought about what happened in the yard when someone was watching me. Well, at least I thought there was someone there. Maybe I’m just going crazy. I try to picture that bush again, pushing my memory to try and see if I caught a glimpse of whoever was watching me. I know I’m crazy for even thinking this, but I’m almost certain there was someone there. I’ll go out again tomorrow. Maybe there will be tracks? Maybe. I roll over onto my side, snuggling into my blanket. Whatever happened today, it made me feel weird. Not a bad weird, just… well, weird. Not something I have felt before.

And I intend to find out why.