Set Me Up

For his part, Sebastian hadn’t even glanced up from his laptop. “That bad?”

I rolled my eyes as I took another swig. “I swear on all that is holy, I’m never looking for another date on Swipe again.”

Sebastian chuckled as he glanced at me over the rim of his glasses, “You said that last time.” His fingers flew over the keyboard.

“This time, I mean it,” I huffed as I flopped on the couch.

With a small shake of his head, Sebastian closed his laptop. "You said that too. I've told you a million times, you aren't going to find the love of your life on Swipe."

"Where else am I supposed to find him!?"

"You know my views on this."

I gave a dramatic sigh before taking another huge swallow of wine. With a smirk, Sebastian stood, taking the three steps from his desk to the couch. He picked up my feet, which were stretched out across his spot, and set them on his lap as he sat down. “Let me see him.” He held out his hand.

Rolling my eyes again I opened up the Swipe app and handed the device to my best friend.

He frowned down at the screen, reading over the details listed on the profile. He barely glanced at the photo of the muscular blonde with a jaw so sharp it could cut glass. I’d gazed at the picture, trying to imagine what type of man he was, what kind of conversations we’d have, what our children would look like. My lips turned down in a frown. “Let me guess, couldn’t hold a conversation that didn’t center around his workout regime?” Bash didn’t even glance up from the phone.

I lifted the arm I’d draped across my eyes to give him an incredulous look. “How do you do that?!” I'd never expected my weekend nights to end up wine drunk on my best friend's couch but it seemed to be an even more common occurrence as of late. Grumbling to myself I grabbed the remote, flipping through movies on Netflix like I hadn't already seen most of them. God I'm pathetic, I thought.

"This is what? Date number 5?"

I rolled my eyes as I snatched the phone back, turning it off and setting it on the floor next to me. I nudged Sebastian's hand with my toe. Instantly he began messaging and I felt my shoulders sink into the couch, remote resting on my belly, forgotten. "Yeah. I was hoping it would go better than the last one, but obviously that's asking too much." I shuddered at the memory of my previous dating app match. He'd seemed so normal at first, asking me all the normal first date questions. It wasn't until he'd asked about what color underwear I was wearing and if he could have them after the date that I'd decided he was a creep.

"You can't really expect to find love on a dating site Fin. It's so impersonal. And you know guys on those sites only want one thing."

"Tell me how you really feel Bash."

"Maybe it's time to give up on the sites for a while." I sighed loudly but didn't argue. Sebastian continued to rub my foot as he stared, unseeing, at the TV. I had quit scrolling and landed right on To All The Boys I've Loved Before. "Love's out there somewhere Fin, just stop looking so hard."

"No, it's out there for everyone but me."

"Not everyone can be your parents." I'd admit to that. My parents had met senior year of high school at a football game. They'd gone to rival schools but there was something about each other that trumped the idea of not going over to the other side. They'd dated the rest of the year, gone to college together, got married their sophomore year and began having kids. They were still happily married forty five years later.

"Is it too much to ask that a guy be gorgeous, a good conversationalist, make great money, have his own car and house, no kids, is under 35, and has a full head of his real hair?"

Sebastian chuckled as he subconsciously reached up and ran his fingers through his still thick brown hair. "There's nothing wrong with your list, Fin. It's how you're going about it. You are going out with fuckboys off a dating site."

I pouted my full lower lip at my friend. "What do you know? You haven't had a date in over a year!" I glanced around his self-proclaimed bachelor pad. To be honest, it was a nice apartment. Bash kept it clean and full of neutral colors. The walls were white and he decorated them with black and white photos of his family and the city. All the furniture was cream, white, and glass which played off the black cabinets and marble counters in the kitchen. It wasn't anything like my studio apartment with its exposed brick, mismatched furniture, and clothes strewn everywhere. "You've got to get over Lauren."

Bash shrugged, "I am over Lauren."

I rolled my eyes, "Then why aren't you dating!? You are young..."

"I don't feel it."

"Bite your tongue. 27 is still young Bash. And if you are old then so am I," my dark brown eyes widened and I shuddered dramatically, "Besides, you have your own place and a steady job."

"Don't forget my killer good looks."

Smacking his arm I couldn't help but laugh, "So humble! There are plenty of women out there ready to help you get over Lauren." He looked like he was thinking about it. I held out my hand. "Give me your phone."

His eyebrows wrinkled but he reached into his pocket and handed me his phone. I entered in the passcode, unlocking it with a smile. "You aren't going to find my match on a dating site," he muttered.

"Maybe. Maybe not. But it'll be fun." I dug my toes into his side, he squirmed, trying desperately not to laugh. He'd always been weak to side tickles. My fingers flew across the screen as I created a profile for my bestie. "Would it be off putting to list your occupation as boring?" I deadpanned.

Bash couldn't help but laugh. I'd had been giving him shit about his love of computers, technology in general, for as long as we'd been friends, which was quite a while. I'd never forget the look on his face as he raced down the hill to save his brand new GameBoy that I'd chucked in favor of chasing butterflies. "Just put Computer Technician. Why does it matter what I do anyway? Why should a job make someone determine romantic compatibility?"

"I don't make the rules."

Bash grabbed the remote off my stomach and began scrolling through until he found his favorite. He turned up the volume as David and Alexis bickered back and forth on the screen and I muttered to myself as I worked on his profile. Finally, "Finished!" I said excitedly, sitting up on my knees so we could look at the screen together. He cringed at the photo I'd chosen. It was one I had snapped of him at last year's Halloween party. I'd convinced him to go as a pirate with me. His brown hair, grown out past his ears was partially hidden under the big black pirate hat. His blue eyes were lined in black and his white and black shirt was unbuttoned almost to his naval, exposing his toned and tanned stomach.

"I'm changing this photo immediately."

"No!" I yelled, pulling the phone away from him. "You need a fun picture, not a stuffy one of you in glasses and a polo. The picture is what draws people in! And you actually look good." And it was also my favorite photo, so different from the buttoned up and polished Sebastian he'd always been.

His eyebrows furrowed for a moment, "I don't think I even want to know what picture you chose for yourself." I smiled devilishly at him. With a huff he grabbed the phone and read through the rest of the profile. Overall, it was accurate and there was nothing he could complain about. He handed me the phone and leaned back on couch, kicking his feet up to rest on the coffee table. "It doesn't matter if they like my picture. I'm not going on any dates."

I laughed lightly as my eyes scanned the phone screen, finger twitching left, left, left, right. "I'll drag you there kicking and screaming if I have to."

"Why are we friends?"

I batted her eyelashes, "Because you love me."

"Because you put a frog down my pants in Kindergarten," he corrected.

"Tomato, tomahto."

He knew there was no way to talk me out of this. Once I'd set my mind to something then it was a done deal. If I wasn't having success on dating apps then I was bound and determined to prove it's not just me! Sebastian has always been a bit more cynical about love. His parents had divorced when he was 10 and to this day could not be in the same room with each other without it ending in an out and out brawl. His older brothers, each married in their early twenties, were both divorced now as well. The one thing he knew about relationships is they never lasted. And they only brought trouble. I tried not to wince as I thought of his last serious relationship. I watched as he drug his fingers through his hair.

Looking back down at the phone I swiped again before decided to break the tension that was building, "How do you feel about lip piercings?" I asked seriously.

He shrugged, "I just draw the line at face tattoos." We sat in silence for a moment. "How did this become about me?"

I sighed, "I'm sick of being in the dating game Bash. I just want to find someone who I can sit with and watch TV on a Saturday night, order in Chinese food, and drink a bottle of wine." He gestured around his apartment, eyebrow raised.

I smacked his arm, "Followed by great sex."

"I just don't think you are going to find love from an app. You are going based solely off a persons looks and a few words in their bio."

"Physical compatibility is a big thing, ask anyone on Love Is Blind," I smiled brightly, "I'm adding that to your list!"

Bash sighed, "Maybe you don't know what you really need."

I quirked an eyebrow at him before taking a big swig of wine and passing it over. He eyed the almost empty bottle before taking a swallow and setting it on the floor. "I don't know what I need? Bash, I've spent countless hours making lists of my dream man. Putting together physical and personality traits as well as must haves. I absolutely know what I want." He laughed loudly. I scrunched up my nose, wrinkles creasing my brow as I folded my arms across my chest. "Ok smart guy, what's wrong with that?"

"Love doesn't work from a list, Fin. And what you think you need and what you really need might be two different things. Like, you need someone who will unclog the tub drain after your hair fills it up."

I tugged at my ponytail which was currently holding back the cascade of long black curls. "That's not a necessity," I muttered.

"I cleaned it out for you two weeks ago."

I bit my lip, trying not to smile. "Why add that to my must have list of a dream man when I have that on my must have for a bestie list?"

"What about a man who cooks? Is that on your must have?"

I tried really hard not to smile. Bash knew me too well. The one time I'd tried to cook in high school I'd set two kitchen towels on fire. Ever since it had been takeout for me or Bash's apartment for home cooking.

"I think your must have list needs an overhaul."

Bash rested his head against the back of the sofa, focusing on the TV. He grabbed a blanket from a basket next to his couch, tossing it on me. I unfolded it and wrapped it around myself as I stared, unseeing at the TV. Was Sebastian right? Did I really know what I needed, what would make someone a good partner for me? If the past few weeks were any indication of my decision making skills on love and partnership then I was in trouble.