Beneath The Decking

I always remember those times.

Times when she and I would meet beneath my decking in the back garden.

Blushing skies that mimicked her cheeks as she gazed at me from by my side with cerulean blue irises.

It was apparent, how she felt, she could hardly keep it a secret, especially not from me.

Her hair was a picture of Raven beauty and her lips a complex array of pinks.

Her name that fell past my lips each night was one of sweet delight.

Evelyn.

There were nights we would fail to see one another when the weather was too harsh for us to bear.

But every chance we could, we would meet beneath the decking.

My parents weren’t ones to allow such a scandalous coupling, their minds focusing on the most precious treasure in their life, one younger and not as rebellious or untrustworthy as I.

But it never stopped us from meeting in secret, only the stars bearing witness to our tedious behaviours.

Until my parents caught on to our meetings that is.

It was always the same greeting, the blanket and moon always awaited her, with me sitting by, idly watching for her to creep through our connecting fence.

It went on like this for quite a while, we joked about never leaving the safe space we had created, but we both knew it was impossible for us to stay.

She had always been a picture of sunlight, her smile never failing to lift the doubt and judgment from my mind that would otherwise cloud my mood, no one could resist that resting gleam in her eyes, not even me.

She had the key to my heart before I knew it, before even she did, but fate clearly knew what was happening, just as it had when it took her from me.

The clouds since have blocked the sun and my blanket has remained cold, but I left it out beneath the decking should she return.

It had been mid-Autumn, the leaves had begun to change to an amber glow and fall around the roots, it was a time I and Evelyn loved, this time was different though.

There were no walks with mugs of coffee, no sprinting through the growing piles of leaves, nor the conversations and details we would share. Even now, with Christmas quickly approaching, everyone searches for her, calling her name out to the woodlands, trudging through the unfozen rivers.

I still have the present for her, I had brought it months ago, but she was always used to my early preparations, except this time it seemed.

But I would celebrate christmas, nonetheless, for Evelyn. It always feels as though she is there with me, I always feel the warmth she used to radiate, it follows me, but it is always stronger beneath the decking.

There was a secret that I kept from everyone, even from Evelyn and my parents.

It was a painful one to keep to start with, but I have since come to terms with it and now, I grieve less than before.

It was something I realised one day while Evelyn and I were talking in our serene spot.

October 17th, the day we kissed, the day we lay beneath the blanket as my hands encompassed her throat.

That was the day I realised how it felt to say goodbye, to feel the sunlight warmth leave her skin, how it felt to stop time.

She never knew why and neither did anyone else, to them it’s still a mystery.

Even the court struggled to understand what went wrong, but I didn’t.

I loved Evelyn and i couldnt bare the thought if her leaving.

They questioned me, I had nothing to hide and so I answered everything they asked, but it was the horror in their eyes that made me question whether it was a good thing I had told them my secret, but then they were the ones that said I could tell them anything, that I could trust them.

Many tried after that, to get me to reveal where her body was, but to me, it was obvious, as it was to Evelyn.

She told me how stupid the police were for not finding her yet, I had told her that they must be bad at hide and seek, it’s not like I am trying to hide her afterall.

My parents though, weren’t as stupid.

Evelyn was found a few days ago, hidden beneath the frosted blanket, her parents had identified her, but why it had been so difficult, I don’t know.

I would never, could never, forget her face, but apparently the same couldn’t be said for them.

How could they say they loved her when they couldn’t even recognise their own child?

I hope that they let me see Evelyn again.

It would only be fair after I followed my lawyer's advice and pleaded guilty.

Guilty, it was the part that confused me, how was love something to be guilty of?

Apparently, many had informed me that it wasn’t love, they told me to accept the truth of what I had done.

But I wasn’t about to accept something that wasn’t right.

I just wish they would let me and Evelyn go back to the way things were.

Beneath the decking.