Dear Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

It's been a long time since we talked and I miss you. I know you have shiny new friends and a shiny new life, but I miss the you you were even a year ago.

I miss when we would dance in the rain without a care in the world. I miss when we would hike in the woods outside of your house and look for weird looking shapes in the woods. I miss when we would run around and dress like nutballs together.

I don't understand why you had to leave me because of a misunderstanding. I wouldn't leave for a silly mistake like that. Maybe we grew up too fast and I don't know what to do without you. I tried to make new friends, but they're not the same as you.

The bullying has gotten worse and I don't know how to handle it. I've asked to move schools because I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand you looking over at me with pity in your eyes. What happened to the girl who would stand up to the bullies for me? Who taught me what my worth was? I miss that girl.

Now when we pass each other in the halls, you have no other words for me. I wonder what happened at camp to make you not like me anymore. We've been best friends for as long as I can remember. I didn't think high school would change everything, but when you went off to camp, you changed.

Your mom says to give it time and you might like me again. But I know better. You dropped me like a sack of potatoes and I couldn't control it. I can't stand you standing there with your fashionable clothes and your expensive backpack. Your mom gets married to a rich man and you're a new person.

I love the person you used to be. I want to make sure you suffer at my hands, but I have no other friends to make you suffer. And I wouldn't want you to suffer anyway. What I don't understand is that we've been through so much together.

We were there for each other through everything and suddenly you're not there for me. I wish I knew what I did wrong because then I could fix it. We're only fourteen and I thought we would be okay. This isn't okay. I don't have my bodyguard with me. I want to leave so badly, but I can't help but keep on hoping that you "come to your senses" as your mom calls it, but like I said, I know you. If you don't want to talk to me, you won't talk to me.

I'm going to talk to my parents and ask about switching. Do you feel guilty when people push me around? Do you feel guilty when people call me names? Do you feel guilty when you hang out with my bullies?

I've been trying to wrap my head around this for months ever since our freshman year started. Next semester, I'm going to be switching schools and I'm not going to tell you because that would defeat the purpose of me leaving.

I don't want to leave, but I can't just let this keep happening to me. My therapist told me that I have to let you go. Maybe that's why I've started to write you these letters I'm never going to show you. It's because this is my way of letting you go. I feel like I need to let you go or I'm going to go more insane than I am.

Every single time I see you in school, I want to come up and yell at you because this isn't the you I grew up with. This personality transplant you did because you're all rich now isn't you. But I guess I'm going to have to let you go.

And you know what, good riddance to you and our old memories! I don't need you in my life and I will never need you in my life. Unfortunately, I still have to see you when our families get together. But I don't have to talk to you. I can just talk to anyone else. I really don't need you because I'm a strong person. I know I can live a life without you. I know I can. I just have to figure out a way that I can do that and maybe shove it in your face.

You shoved your shiny new life in my face and once I find some friends, I'm going to do the same to you. Two can play this game you're playing. I don't like it and I feel so bad because I'm being a whiny baby, but maybe I just need a fresh start.

I'm fourteen with my whole life ahead of me. I don't want to be bullied all my life like I've been. I want to be able to live without the fear of having someone say something to me. It's not how I want to live.

So I'm going to live the life you never thought I was going to and you're going to watch me have the best life without you. I don't need you in my life anymore because I can make my own way into the world! Haha! I'm still going to miss you like crazy. No! I'm a new person now. See you never!