A Lifetime

Prologue

Be honest. Even when it feels like the hardest thing to do. Because it isn’t. Losing someone is the hardest.

This difficult truth was beating her in the face...in the chest.

The truth, as she now knew it to be, was that the one, the soul that spoke to hers, gave it all back. I wasn’t good enough for him to keep, to savor, to care for.

He just handed it all back. Not tied in this pretty little bow, but in this ugly web of deceit. Wait, he didn’t hand it to her. It was thrown at her like she was the same. The same as all the others before her. And after her.

How she got home, was anybody’s guess. She made all the right turns, slowed in all twisting curves, and stopped at all the stop signs that led home…never seeing any of it. She only saw his face, the one she never wanted to see again.

Tears drenched her cheeks as the pain seared in her chest. She grabbed the steering wheel and nearly collapsed on it. As her forehead laid against its smooth leather exterior, she could hear her door open. She looked up over her left shoulder. Her mom was looking down at her, tears filling her eyes too. Her eyes drifted to the blood-soaked shirt that she knew was once her daughter’s favorite.

“Come on.”

She placed an arm under her daughter and helped her out of the car and walked her inside the house.

Chapter 1

The day felt much like a fog. She habitually finished chores around the house. Her walk with Grizzly, her German Shephard, was subconsciously longer than usual with her sporadic thoughts. She felt exhausted but anything was better than sitting about the house suffocated by her thoughts.

She welcomed the fresh air to hopefully clear some of that fog. It wasn’t really helping though. It did, however, seem to help her thoughts become less foreboding.

She walked into the house, hung up the leash, and immediately called Oliver again. She needed her best friend’s thoughts and input.

“That was a long time ago dear. Don’t worry about it in the least. I mean, I understand the nerves but do the project, pay off Sophie’s car and then let’s talk about which book you are going to finish for me. Deal?”

His calm demeanor was exactly what she needed at times like this. He was such a great listener. All the while, he paid attention. He knew there was more.

“What are you scared of?” He asked the question that she had already asked herself over and over again already. It was killing her that she couldn’t answer it. She had closed a chapter of her life so long ago that opening the book to find the pages unchanged seemed reckless…and painful. But she wasn’t going to actually open the book per se. She was going to assist, in a small way, with the sequel to help with a problem without having to deal directly with the main character. She would be the writer of an insignificant scene. An irrelevant scene and then move on to the next script. That’s what she told herself. That’s what she needed to believe. That’s how her writer’s brain coped.

By the end of the day, she was emotionally drained. She needed her muse, more than usual. She steeped her tea bag in her cup, as she always did late in the evening, and carried it to her lake. Her friend would listen every day, if only to her thoughts. It was soothing. Especially tonight.

It was the blackest dark. This time of year in the East it was dark at six o’clock in the evening. But it was already after nine, so the stars offered little help against the shroud of night. This night was not just blistering cold either, the wind added more depth to its typical bite.

She had wrapped a blanket around her coat as she walked to the chair outside.

She finished one cup earlier than usual. It was cold but that wasn’t why. Her sipping was hypnotic. She took one small sip after another, as each memory crept in. She pushed one away, only to be haunted by the next. His smile. His eyes. The look that no one can replicate. It’s something that few couples share that defies explanation. It speaks for itself. It spoke for them.

She walked inside and looked around the room. Her thoughts were a rolling mess. She wanted nothing more than to sleep and escape these thoughts but was smart enough to know she’d only be staring at the ceiling in vain. She let out a huff and walked slowly to the coffee maker. She filled her cup with hot water again and dropped in another herbal tea bag.

She draped the blanket over her shoulders again and walked back outside. She inhaled the cold air deeply, hoping to numb the pain that was growing in her chest.

She slowly sat back in her chair on the dock.

She held the cup with one hand now, her other hand touching two fingers to her lips. She was lost in thought somewhere. In another time.

A sound caused her to shift her attention to her left. It was the subtle hum of an engine that appeared to be heading in her direction. This was unusual for this time of night in the winter. Her area wasn’t a main artery for traffic during the summer. Definitely not now. Someone was probably lost. She did have the occasional turnaround for those who didn’t know their way around this enormous lake.

She sat still as the boat approached. It was packed with what had to be close to eight teenagers. There was laughter and screaming. She began to smile at their laughter. She thought of her own children. It was a nice distraction.

There was little light where she was, so she went unnoticed. Her eyes followed the dark object as it passed in the darkness.

The smile on her face began to fade as the boat’s engine gave no indication that it was slowing down. It was still revved at the same speed at which it first passed her dock.

She had no doubt now that the boat couldn’t make the turn just ahead. She began to stand and wave her hands...to try to get their attention. It was so dark, and she knew it was pointless but sitting there felt helpless.