Broken Hearts Rekindled

Aura’s POV

Earbuds in my ears while I walk down those shopping aisles. To shut everyone out other than my thoughts. I blast my music playlist loudly and close my eyes a bit while I stand to choose which milk bottle to buy.

I never changed my playlist after I left him. I tried to download new songs, but I always ended up on his playlist. The one he made for me for my birthday. The first song we listened together when we met was Sex Sounds. It remained my favourite.

When the song Sex Sounds by Lil Tjay was my favourite song, I was on top of the world. No feeling could compare to lots of things. Now when I listen to it, it brings me pain more than a good memory. It brings tears more than a smile and reminds me of a time I decided to be vulnerable to a person who didn’t deserve me. My hand slides to my throat, gripping it gently, lost in the song while looking at the milk bottles.

Where did it go wrong? What did I do wrong? Was I not so worthy of love that he didn’t come back once more?

A tap on my forearm brings me down to earth. I take my earbuds out and look at the little girl in front of me.

“Is something wrong sweetheart?” I squat down to her level and look at her.

“Are you okay? You have tears down your cheeks.” She says in her squeaky five year old voice, which I assume is her age.

I touch my cheeks and indeed they were wet.

“Oh, my cat died. I am still accepting it.” I wipe my tears and smile at her.

“My mommy says it is okay to cry when you feel upset.” Her big eyes looking into mine.

Her presence was both a beauty and a pain to me. I wanted to share a little girl with him, I wanted to share so many little us together. But it all got taken away. A dream broken into pieces, after being built up for a long time.

“Your mommy is absolutely right about that. It is important to show our emotions.” From there her mother approaches her daughter.

“Oh, I am so sorry. Meera loves to just talk to people.” Her mother says.

“It’s okay, really. She is bright.” I smile at her and ruffle her daughter’s hair.

“Her cat died, mommy. You can help her feel better.” Meera says looking up at her mother.

I chuckle at her and then turn my attention to her mum.

“What she means to say is that I am a therapist. Here.” She shuffles through her purse and hands me her card.

“Dr. Cayla Brown.” I read the card.

“I am a general therapist. I get to know your exact problem and then I would transfer you to a specialist. Your cat died you said?” I look up at her like a deer caught in headlights from how fast I looked up.

“Uhm, something like that.” I say and place the card in between my phone and case.

“Phone number is at the bottom right. I don’t have a busy schedule tomorrow, you can pop in.” She smiles kindly at me.

“Thank you. I will consider it.” I give her a small smile and the little girl waves good bye.

Those two leave and I walk my way to the next aisle.

“Ah shit, the milk.” I turn around and head back to the milk aisle and take a bottle of chocolate milk.

I then decide I don’t want to listen to music for the day.

The line up at the cash register was long, at least five people in front of me. That is long for me. My thoughts begins to wander every where. I didn’t want to use Instagram as it would take too much of my data. And not to mention the content that could come up that could be offensive for anybody deciding to look at my screen. I didn’t a Karen behind my back.

10 Minutes pass and it was finally turn. I check out quickly, pay the cashier and leave. Two bags in my hand and make my way to my car. After placing the two bags in the seat next to me, I take a seat in my driver seat and sigh.

That feeling of loneliness. That feeling that you can’t share any part of your day with that significant other. No good news or bad news to share. It will always be different when telling a best friend about your day.

I reach my apartment and place the grocery in their designated places. Then head to my room to change into a certain black hoodie I have. It wasn’t for him, but I bought it for him. I ended up keeping it and always spraying that certain Davidoff perfume he loved on it. Whenever I wore it, I would imagine him with me, I would imagine it’s him holding me in his embrace.

It is hard when you’re still emotionally connected to someone. You built that foundation of trust, love and the so called honesty. For it to all go away.

I start to play with my ringless finger. It had a ring on it. A promise ring. It was a promise that the moment I finish college he would marry me. Maybe it was all a lie and a joke and I fell for it deeply. Fell for it like nobody else. I want to say we were meant to be, but passion is a prison and you can’t break free when you’re to deep into it.

Blankly, I stare at the wall. I am not sure how I feel. It has been months now and I am still in pain. It was pain that I couldn’t even describe. Was I feeling empty? Hollow? Shattered? Broken?

The tears were willing up again, I was beginning to cry in my empty living room. Why was this not going away?

My hands go to my phone and I sniffle away anymore tears. I was attempting to hold myself together. My fingers move across the screen and I end up on a certain person’s number.

A high-school friend or crush I would say. But we are both older now. Saying crush isn’t even the right word.

I call him.

After two rings he picks up.

“Aura?”

And from there, I am sobbing to him through the phone. Telling him how much I am in pain and it just won’t go away.

“Aura, imagine it’s me. Hate me and yell at me as if I am him. I am listening.”

“I can’t do that to do, Chryston. It’s too hard to hate you when you’re not at fault.” I tell him and wipe my running nose. It was already turning red.

“I hurt you before. Hate me for that.” He says, his voice coming out calming.

“I don’t care about what happened before. We both know it wasn’t technically like that.”

“He left you?” He asks.

“More like I left him so he left me. Or we both left each other. I don’t know anymore!”

“Do you want me to come over?” Chryston suddenly asks.

“You want to come over?” I sniffle and wipe a stray tear.

“Aura, you’re my friend. And last time I heard you were this miserable was never. Send me your location. I will come by.”

I nod my head and then remember he can’t see me.

“Okay.”

I keep him on the line and text him the address.

“Thank you...” I say softly into the phone.

“It’s no problem. Oh, you’re not too far. I will be there in a bit.” He says then hangs up.

I sit there anxious. My apartment isn’t a mess, but I haven’t had anyone over since I broke up.

Contemplating on what to do, I decide on lighting a candle to scent the house. I mean, no one wants to walk into a room that smells like tears and snot.

A few minutes pass by and the doorbell rings. I open the door quickly to see Chryston standing in front of me with a bag in his hands.

“Hi, come in.” I open the wider and he steps in with a smile.

“Why hello to you too.” I small smile creeps to my lips and I chuckle a little.

“I got you some KFC. I remember you said you like the spicy crispy sandwich they have.” He hands me the bag.

“Oh my goodness! Thank you, Chryston!” I give him a tight hug and returns it.

“I got one for me too, the smell was too good to not get one for myself. But you’re welcome.” He laughs.

I let go of him and take the two KFC bags to the couch.

“I don’t like eating on the table. Let’s just sit down and watch some Lucifer. Season one again?” I smile at him again. He always managed to get a smile out of me.

“You know it’s my favourite show. I watch it over and over again until I know every line.” He sits crisscross on my couch and takes his sandwich out and I do the same.

“I got you extra french fries too. Thought you might need it.” and hands me another bag.

“Can you be more perfect?” I take it from him and take the fries. I take one and just melt into a putty of happiness just from french fries.

I am a simple girl. The smallest things can bring happiness to my big heart.

“Well, old me would say otherwise.” Chryston chuckles and eats his sandwich.

We spent 45 minutes watching the first episode of Lucifer and finishing off our food which obviously wouldn’t take 45 minutes.

When the episode was over and I cleaned the area right after, we both sat in silence. Each of us was sitting on one side of the couch.

“Come lay your head on my lap. You like your hair being played with, yes?” It took me by surprise what he said but I also somehow felt his affection was genuine.

I lay my head on his lap and begins to run his fingers through my hair.

“Did you talk to him again?” Chryston asks calmly and focuses on task.

“Not really. I sent him a long text that was a waste of my time.”

“Did he respond?”

“Of course he didn’t.” I chuckle sadly.

“Stop wasting your time on him, Aura. He has probably moved on even though us men tend to feel the break up months later.”

“Chryston. It has been months. Does he not feel? Does he not miss me? I am not an awful person. If I was an awful person, you wouldn’t be here.”

He caresses my jawbone gently and touches my chin to look up at him.

I know he was never the affectionate type of person, it was a big deal he was doing this.

“Listen to me. I know how much he meant to you, how much you gave him from yourself. You’re not all material, I know that. But please, understand that he doesn’t deserve you. You put up so much with all his bullshit. Yet, you always stayed with him even if offended you. I know you did that because you loved him and I know that you still do. But Aura, you deserve someone who treats you like a queen and not just say it.” He softy says to me.

I look up at him with glossy eyes, getting overwhelmed with so many emotions.

“And hey, I saw that card. Are you finally considering therapy?”

“Oh, that. I don’t know. What could she possibly recommend? More candle lit baths?” I say and take his hand away from his hair and let him rest it right above my collarbone.

“She could give you other solutions, Aura. Eating a light snack with me won’t help you all the time. It’s temporary. You need something to last on the long run.”

He says and dials the phone with the number.

I want to protest but the phone picks up.

“Hi, I would like to take an appointment with Dr. Cayla? Is tomorrow a good time? Six in the evening seems fine. Aura Di’Ricci. Thank you.” He hangs up.

“And now you have an appointment at a therapist.” He smiles and pecks my forehead.

“Thanks, Chryston.” I smile back.

“Now, I have college to deal with tomorrow. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay.” I say quietly.

“Good night, Aura.” Chryston gives me one more smile and leaves my door.

I don’t know how this therapy is going to go.

I hope it takes me somewhere.