How To Be Impervious

HOW TO BE IMPERVIOUS

I wander the black and white streets, wearing a distorted gray over my skin. On my left, I see a child dancing with glee over a new puppy. On my right, I see a child begging his mother to let him eat the cat, merely to survive. The subway train pulls to a screeching halt as the music in my ears grows duller and duller. The same beats over and over and over again, like clockwork.

My eyes fall on a beautiful woman; black lipstick, fishnets, a jean jacket hugging her body and a bright smile talks back to my piercing glare. I crack a smile, it’s nice to be noticed from time to time, but all I receive is a blank template of that hearty smile that struck conversation, and an air of panicked breathing as she shuffles away. I look confusedly at my bland phone screen. Where is my mouth? My lips? I can’t even scream for help! Panic settles in but my exhausted eyes refuse to beg, my skin fails to perspire, and my ears hear nothing but my own hollow, echoing whisper.

I remember my phone running out of charge an hour ago, but I still hear the same lyrics, muffled, gagged, distorted, a shadow of what it once was but resonating with the cryptic barrier. The car horns, the lively chatter, the forced laughs and the genuine cries, all merge and contort themselves to fit the foundations of a dystopian paradise. The smoke from the local Chinese take-out burns my nostrils with an addictive aroma. I wait for my ears to respond to the characteristic sizzle that can ignite one’s appetite all by itself, nothing. Unending nothingness envelopes me and my off-white headphones, but I still hear the same music looping, becoming more and more distinct by the second. “Floating……”.

“On the water…” Ever-changing picture hours out from that

In tune with all our dreams.

What’s the bloody name? Who was it? Who uttered these words first into my ears? I think it was the soft breaths of an old paramour, but it may as well be the cold noteless voice of my headphones. Whatever it may be, it brought me peace and chaos, death and birth, penance and forgiveness glazed with a hint of regret. “The ocean takes me….” I fumble the keys to my apartment. A maltese cat warms up to my pale hand, frozen in time. I’m supposed to be allergic to cats. Did my body finally make peace with the creature? My glasses slip from my featureless face. Just a pair of blue eyes staring at the door.

I jammed the key into the lock, twisting it with great care. I am greeted by the fortunate image of a roof above my head and food on the table, so why must I feel like the world has turned its back on me?

“Into watch you…..”shaking.

Watch your weight your powers.

(The taste of blood has disappeared from my tongue, leaving it barren, deserted, purposeless)

Tempt with hours of pleasure.

My face rests in the palm of my hands as I ponder upon the great curse of neutrality. Not belonging to a belief, whether it be benevolent or detrimental. We all need to believe in something, right? We all need something…….”Take me one more time.” To hold onto. “Take me one more wave.” I slowly lift my face from the eternal darkness that my palms impose upon it…”Take me for one last ride.” But it persists still.

Here I lie, featureless. No sight, no smell, no taste, no touch. No hearing , no smelling, neither suffering nor glee, nether love nor hate. We all know that cruelty makes us inhumane but is it really true? No. Opinions, positions, stances, they make us human; positive or negative, for tranquility or destruction. The greatest human sin will forever be…. “I am out of my head.”….inaction. Objectivity, detachment, equilibrium……fairness.

I was supposed to be bleeding from a knife wound. I know my head’s getting lighter. I know my blood is oozing out of my body. I know all of this, so why can’t I feel any of it?

THE END.