1
8-YEAR-OLD XIU
"Father, may I go with you today," I ask quietly as Father scans his breakfast.
Our main housekeeper always prepares Father his favorites, which he scans with a critical eye before eating.
"No, Xiu. You must study. One day you will take my place. You will be responsible for our family name. You must be prepared. Taking days off is irresponsible. You must understand this even at your age," he says before glancing at me.
"Eat your congee and fruit," he orders and I begin to eat slowly.
I knew what his answer would be but I still wanted to ask. Today is my birthday, and I think Father has forgotten. I thought maybe if I spent more time with him today he would remember, but I knew it was a long shot. We see so little of each other. He works long hours and spends all day in his office. I see my tutors more than I see him, but I understand. He wants me to be the best I can be. He owns several companies and I must be prepared to oversee all of them. Being a woman will make it even harder for me when I take over. Men get more respect just because they are Men. I will have to be ten times better than them to be respected at all. Father wants to make sure no one will question why I am the head of his companies. He wants me to be the best.
I finish my breakfast and excuse myself. Morning studies will begin in one hour and I still need to get dressed. My maid always says appearance is just as important as studies and she is right. I have read about the effects of having a good wardrobe.
********
10-year-old Xiu
"Ow," I whisper as the paper slices my finger.
The teacher looks up, but doesn't comment and I continue with my differential geometry exam. My nerves are getting the better of me. I know I missed a question on my literature exam and now my mind is thrown off. Father only agreed to let me attend private school as long as I received perfect scores. If I miss one question I will have failed my side of our agreement. Father will remove me and I will return to studying at home by myself.
The need to cry begins to burn at the back of my eyes but I force it away. I will not disgrace myself with crying. If I messed up I have to take ownership of that mistake. I close my eyes and take a deep calming breath. This is math. The answer is always findable. Refocused I open my eyes and finish the last two questions.
At lunch my one and only friend offers me a smile. She knows how much was riding on the exams and I know she is afraid to ask me how I did so she is opening the conversation with a kind gesture.
"I believe I missed a question," I say quietly and her eyes widen for a second before she sighs.
"You are too critical. I am sure you did perfect on all of them. You always do," she replies and I shake my head before eating a slice of cucumber.
"No. I know I missed it," I reply and she bites her lip before meeting my eyes again.
"Which exam," she asks and I swallow before replying.
"Literature," I answer and she gives me a hopefully grin.
"Maybe he will understand. English is not our first language," she says and I shake my head.
"I need to be fluent in English... Perfect in English. My father has conferences calls with people from every country. English is the language spoken during those meetings. One mistake and I could mess something up," I say sharply and her head falls.
I know she was trying to help me feel better, but she has a younger brother. Her family chose to pay the fine and have a second child since their firstborn was female. Her younger brother is the one burdened with bringing honor to her family. She doesn't understand my viewpoint. My father believes the one child policy is good for China and refused to go against it by having a second child. I am solely responsible for my families good name even though I am a girl. I must be perfect.
"Sorry Xiu. I understand the importance of your exams," she whispers and I give her an apologetic smile.
"No, I am sorry. I am stressed and I spoke harshly," I say and her face brightens.
We eat the rest of our food in a comfortable silence before returning to class.
******
15-year-old Xiu
"Xiu your dinner is ready. Your Father's conference ran long so he isn't home yet," the housekeeper says and I close my book about The history of chess in Russia.
My boredom has grown so much I am reading about things that I don't care about. I haven't seen Father in four days, but that isn't out of the ordinary. He has business partners that fly in this time of year and meetings with just about everyone to discuss end of year numbers. It is the most boring time of year for me because I am still not involved with day to day company activity.
I walk to the smaller eating area I use when it's just me and sit down. My usual 3 sides, hot soup, and rice look delicious as usual, but I don't feel like lifting my chopsticks. My wrists hurt from holding the heavy book and my elbow is swollen from leaning on my reading table.
"Housekeeper," I call and she comes back into the room with her eyes down.
"Yes, miss," she asks.
"Bring me fresh hot tea. I am tired. Take these away," I say and she moves to do as she is told.
I have learned when my bones hurts like they do tonight the best thing is hot tea and a hot bath then bed.
********
19-year- old Xiu
"Are you sure," I whisper as fear sets in and the doctor nods.
"Yes. It is rather advanced. I am sorry but you don't have much time. We will start treatment immediately, but it would also be good to notify your family today," he says and I lick my now dry lips before picking up my purse and standing.
I should have never come. I should have ignored the aches and focused on my work instead.
I slip from the room and head start for the bathroom. Once inside I lock the door and pull out my cellphone. I go to my Father's contact, but my finger just hovers over the screen. I can't bring myself to press down. How do I tell him I have bone cancer? How do I tell him the doctor says I don't have much time? He put so much time and money into raising me to become him. Now I am dying...
