a wilting life

I look up trying to blink those tears away when I know I won't cry I look towards dad and smile. '' Don't worry daddy, I will meet him , you just focus on getting better. " He smiles and all of this is worth it ,I don't care if I have to marry a stranger. He can be a druggie or a psycopath i will marry him if it makes dad happy.

Or so I thought the guy dad meant was not a druggie or psycopath, by any means ,well he could have become one in the time we lost contact. I stare at him in wonder Daniel, my childhood bestfriend my first love. Standing sitting across me looking just as handsome as I last saw him or maybe just a bit more. Ohh who am I kidding he has become a man. Any traces of that young Daniel I knew gone now the person sitting is mature,fit and might I say just plain gorgeous. Maybe it just me being biased my friends always told me he wasn't as gorgeous as I make him out to be.

I realize I have been staring to long. So I clear my throat and straighten myself and clear my throat. " I think there must be some kind of mistake. What are you doing here ? " he smiles and I see a trace of my bestfriend. Wanting me to freeze this moment so I'll have both dad and Daniel. " there isn't a mistake Elle , I am the one your dad chose. Funny isn't it. All my childhood be threatened me if I tried anything on you he would just slaughter me. " I unconsciously smile remembering how he would be to scared to even come into my room if dad was in the house . Realizing what I am smiling like a goof I return to be stoic and say '' I will talk to him you don't have to worry . I came here thinking it will be a stranger you don't have to worry this will never happen. " I see Hurt in his eyes but he quick,y covers it with something else making n'me feel terrible but I tell myself its OK I shouldn't. Even though it hurts me more than me , since there was a time I couldn't picture my future without him. But oh well

" I will talk to him. " I say and try to stand up but he puts his hand on mine and I stop. " you don't have to I want this. " he removes his and looks the other side . I sit down not knowing what is happening . He continues '' I know we haven't met well in a long long time and there's past drama too but when I found about James .... "

he gives me a sad smile usually I would have been angry thinking that the person doesn't understand it . What does he/she knows but I don't mind Daniel he knows dad he understands it even though dad scared the shit out of him . Daniel was like the son dad never had they both did basically everything together . I smile telling him I understand and he continues '' and well I came back seeing the world this city going on as if nothing has happened and James there lying inside a hospital bed it broke something in me. You know I realized when my dad I didn't feel anything compared to what i felt seeing james ....dying . How can life be this unfair , Huhh elle. " i smile a tear rolling down my cheek and i see that he is fighting back tears too .

I wipe my tear and say '' its going to be alright danyy.'' he looks at me dumbfounded and admiration . " I guess he is ready to meet mom and lily . Thats what he told me . " he starts to say something but I cut him off . " I don't know you are sad and losing a father like figure is hard and well I don't know what dad has told you but I can't do this too you you are just mourning and marrying me is the last thing you want you will regret this ok . I will talk to dad and tell him I don't want this. You don't have to worry about anything . He loves you just like a son he won't behurt by this . " I start to stand up and collect my things when I turn towards the door he says:

" I love your dad but do you think I did this for him . I'm not not so selfless as you think I am I came here for you after knowing about your dad and then when he told me about you possibly getting married . I couldn't ,I couldn't see you with another man . I was and I am completely selfish coming here. So if you want to reject me sure but do it knowing this. " hearing that I don't say anything and leave.

when I am inside the safety of my car . I cry I bawl I haven't cried like this since the day mom and lily died in the car accident . When I found out that has cancer and he had not much time to live I had become a lifeless doll who ate, slept, work and didn't feel anything.