BLUE GIRL

Blue Girl holds priests’ hands.

It is important that she always be reverent before heaven.

Every Sunday, Blue Girl will pray with the congregation. Praying for the things that she believes other people in the parish want. That way, God will see her generosity. God will see that she is good.

It is important that she act how a disciple would.

Blue Girl wishes that she did not seem so out of place in pews; because, only devils do not belong in church. Although, no matter how hard Blue Girl tries, she can never make herself look like the people who pray alongside her. It always looks like she does not follow the same doctrine that they do; because, they are presentable in a way that she is not. Almost like she does not have the right to be, or to call herself a Christian like them; because, what they practice is for far more pretty people, and far more successful people than her.

Occasionally, in an effort to blend in at church, she will bring her friends with her, so that she is not the only one wearing unwashed clothes. Other times, she will go sober, so that her eyes look the same as everybody else’s. Sometimes, she will even try to make small talk with the other people there, so that they can know her better. However, no matter how hard she tries, she can never get herself to look like a pretty Christian. She does not possess the godliness that makes certain people more deserving of god’s blessing.

Although, some people will tell her that there is no wrong way to follow god; that god loves a person no matter their position in life. Some people will say that God does not care who you are, or what you do as long as you are good, and you do good. God blesses pious people.

However, Blue Girl hopes that is not true, because she truly believes that she is a good person. So, she hopes that her misfortune is just because she is not a pretty Christian, and not because she has done something wrong. She hopes that it is how she looks, because that is easier to fix.

Blue girl gets sad often, and every time she does, she will pretend that her life does not matter, that way, her suicidal thoughts do not mean as much, and her lack of success is not so tragic.

Conversely, the robot that she knows tells her she is the most incredible human being that he has ever met. Which means something, because he has been all over the world. He tells her that nobody else has eyes as keen as hers. The robot tells her that nobody sees the things that she sees.

The robot’s name is Ferro.

Up until Blue Girl met Ferro, she thought that everybody on earth had a soul. That was how she knew that he was not normal. While, for Ferro’s part, Blue Girl was the first person who had ever told him that they knew he was a robot. It was the first time Ferro had known somebody who could see souls.

Consequently, Ferro will ask Blue Girl all sorts of questions about what it is like to be a human being; because, nobody would know better than somebody who can see a person’s soul. He will ask questions like: do you have to consciously make a heart beat? Or, is a soul something you can feel? He will ask her how different things effect her, like, can you define what being cold is? How does a step feel? Or, what is it like to hurt? He wanted to know what it was like to bleed. Can you feel the blood leaving your body? Can you feel the wound healing? Ferro asked her all sorts of things.

When they first met, Blue Girl thought that the only thing strange about Ferro was his lack of soul, because on the outside he looked like a human. Ferro had skin like her. Eventually, though, the robot explained that his skin was just a layer of organic tissue wrapped around his metal body which reacted the same way as a human body, and looked the same, but was entirely synthetic. None of it was connected to him like human flesh is. It is just there so that he does not stand out.

Ferro never explained why he did not want anybody to see that he was made out of metal; and Blue Girl did not pry. She just accepted that he had a good reason why he did not want anybody to know that he was a robot.

Ferro has never asked about love, because that is something robots can feel. Most robots can feel emotions, he says. They do not have them inherently, though. Human emotions are just so contagious that robots cannot help but to feel them, too, after they have spent enough time with human beings.

Blue Girl very much wants to meet other robots, but Ferro has said that there are not many others, and that they all like to remain hidden. So, it was not something he could help her with. The most he has said is that he is not the only robot in the city where they live.

So, Blue girl keeps her eyes peeled wherever she is, just in case she passes by another robot.

That is one of the reasons why she spends so much time around the library: she believes that it is one of the places where robots are most likely to be. She pictures them reading books to learn about people. Learning things so that they might fit in better.

Blue Girl doesn’t tend to read when she is at the library. She just listens to music at the library.

Ferro will ask her what she has learned, and she will sing him a song. He will always say thank you.

Blue Girl sleeps near the library. She leaves her sleeping bag beneath a grouping of bushes grown into a dry dirt slope behind the library. She likes the spot, because she will be more likely to see a robot coming or going.

Blue Girl has noticed that when she is laying down at night, staring at the unobstructed sky, she will feel closest to god. It will make her wonder if being inside of the church just makes it harder for God to see her. Like the ceiling disconnects her from heaven.

Blue Girl has asked Ferro if he believes in god, or heaven; and he explained that there is no reason for him to bother with those things; because he knows who created him. Ferro has spoken to his creator, so there is no point wondering about god. That is for human beings, who do not know who made them.

As for heaven, Ferro will say that he hopes it does exist, for Blue Girl’s sake. However, robots have no chance of going to heaven. For, their consciousness is tied entirely to their physical form, so, when their body dies, they just disappear.

“Is that what it means to have no soul?”

“Yes.”

“Does it scare you?”

“Not really. It just means that I know what will happen to me.”

When Blue girl first asked him where he was from, Ferro told her that he had been created by Razi. Which did not mean anything to Blue Girl, but the way that Ferro talked about him, made clear that he was an amazing person. Ferro explained that Razi understood all sorts of things about the human body, and how to control the atoms of things.

“Razi never succeeded in turning iron into gold, but he did manage to turn it into life.” Ferro explained.

There is only one librarian, from the library near where Blue Girl sleeps, who will talk to Blue Girl. The rest of them just pretend she does not exist. One time, the friendly librarian asked how Blue Girl always acted like she was so happy.

Blue Girl answered, “I am happy because otherwise, I will not seem grateful.”

He asked her, “Why should you not be ungrateful?”

“Because I can still make it to heaven.”

Even when Blue Girl is most sad, she will not let on how she feels. No matter how horrible her life is, she will still be able to reach heaven.

The friendly librarian tells Blue Girl that she is a martyr. He tells Blue Girl that she is a saint. He tells Blue Girl that she will be the saint of something nobody else could have tried to be.

The librarian will sometimes open the doors to one of the conference rooms, and allow Blue Girl inside. He gives her an old portable stereo that she can listen to music with. Sometimes, in those conference rooms, Blue Girl will spend hours dancing, and singing; or sitting and crying. Many of the CD’s that she listens to now, are ones that she used to listen to when she was younger.

In addition to loaning her the stereo, the librarian reserves one of the conference rooms every other Friday; because every other Friday Blue Girl holds a bible reading for an audience of her friends. Most of her friends just go so that they can spend a little time inside, before having to sleep in the cold. There is never a very big crowd.

Ferro is the only person who consistently shows up to her readings. He always asks questions, even though he says that he is not religious.

Occasionally the librarian will sit in and listen to Blue Girl read. Other times, he is too weak for it.

The librarian will tell the normal people who he knows about how there is an inspiring homeless girl, who has devoted herself to religion. He will say that there is something special about her, which makes it seem like she is capable of great things. And it is from that logic where the librarian draws inspiration for the idea that Blue Girl is on a mission.

He has come to believe that Blue Girl was given a purpose by heaven.

Although, he has no idea what it is.

He has asked Blue Girl if she knows what it is, but she just says that all she is trying to do is be a good person.

Occasionally, the librarian will be listening to one of Blue Girl’s readings, and look around at the small group of misfortuned people sitting on fold out chairs, resting their chins on their chests, while half listening to what she says; and it will almost feel like Blue Girl’s mission is to save those who nobody else will save. But that seems too small to the librarian. Blue Girl feels too special for that fate. She is too unique to be wasted in poverty.

The librarian believes that she can become a pretty Christian. He believes that one day Blue Girl will lift herself out of her situation. He believes that he is playing a small role in a great story. The librarian just does not think about how she lives; because it would make her more tragic than he wants her to be. He ignores how drunk Blue Girl always is; because it does not make sense within his image of who she is supposed to be.

All he sees is that she is better than him. Consequently, the librarian just watches. He just watches Blue Girl in awe, not helping at all.

He is waiting for heaven to save her.