Fauns Pain
I am in the room with white walls. It isn’t the first time that I have been here, However, I wish it were the last. I wish I was never brought here at all. I don’t have a choice though. I am not strong enough to fight the people that bring me here.
My name is Faun. I am five. I have been brought to this room for as long as I can remember. Every time seems more painful than the last. I want to run but the door is locked. There is no place to hide. The only thing here is an old mattress. An old mattress that I am made to do unspeakable things.
I hear the white man approaching. I curl up in the corner, knowing what they will do to me. Knowing that I have no escape. They are all bad, but the white man is in charge. He is the one that created this place. He told me so.
I am homeless. I came to New York around two years ago and have been in and out of shelters since I got here. The doctors say that I am paranoid but I don’t believe them. I don’t believe any of them. They have no idea how real the things I say are. I know the truth of what is happening.
Everyone is after me. I have to remember that. It’s why so many bad things have happened to me. I remember the doctor. That is why I don’t trust them. I remember the policeman. I don’t trust them either. None of them can ever really be trusted. They were all in that white room.
I look around and see them everywhere. I remember the things that I was forced to do. I want to forget, but how can I? Things like that stay burned in your mind. I will never be able to forget any of it. I hate them all. I hate all of the ones who did this to me. Someday, everyone will see the things they do.
I met her at Washington Square. A black woman who seems to be in as much pain as I am. It radiates off of her, yet she seems to just keep smiling. Something about her draws me to her. I spent the day talking to the woman that I now know as Hera. I only leave to return to the shelter.
“Take your clothes off now.” I hear the white man say. I don’t have a choice but fear grips me and I stay where I am at. I feel the hand strike me and pain flares from my head. “If you don’t, then I will get angry. You know what punishment you get when I am angry.”
Tears run down my cheeks as I take my clothes off. I feel the mans hand on me in places that they shouldn’t be. I know what is coming next. It is the part that hurts the most. I feel him turn me around. Afterwards, I stay laying in bed, crying. What use is there in fighting. I can never win.
I stay in the white room every weekend. I go to kindergarten through the week. Momma drops me off here on Friday night and picks me up Monday morning. They give here money if I am good. If Momma doesn’t get money then I don’t get anything to eat on Monday night.
I tried to tell Momma what the men do to me but she tells me that I shouldn’t talk about what happens here to anyone. I am alone. I have nobody that I can tell. The bad things will keep happening to me. There Is nothing I can do.
White people tend to think black people are stupid. That’s one of the biggest problems. I mean, how better off would I be if I was white?” Hera says.
“I know, right? White people get everything, and they take everything away from the black community. The black community created everything. Electricity, lightbulbs, we even came to Americas before white people. We are the true native Americans.” Heras friend Melinoe says, complaining.
“Even Christianity belongs to black people!” I say suddenly offended.
“I know, like, people can’t even understand that the middle east is in Africa, so Jesus had to be black because people in Africa are black. Israel is in the center of Africa so it is the heart of the African community.” Melinoe states.
“Actually, Israel isn’t in Africa, it’s in Asia. The only country in Africa that is considered the middle east is Egypt, which is the northern most country in Africa. Also, In the early days, Africa didn’t exist. all of the continents were originally connected. That is why there were Native Americans.” Ceres says in a calm manner.” Native Americans came to the continent before the continental drift and got stranded here.”
“That is not true because Iran and Afghanistan are right next to Israel.” Melinoe continues to argue.
“Actually, Iran and Afghanistan are closer to China, which is on the east coast of Asia, whereas, Israel is around the west coast. they are nowhere near each other. If you don’t believe me, you can google a map. Either way, you can’t change geography just because you wish it were true.” Ceres states.
“This is why I don’t like white people. They always talk down to me.” Melinoe exclaims before walking away.
"Why did you argue with her?" Hera asks, "Don't you know you should just be quiet? You are the only white person among a group of black people. You don't have the right to argue with us."
"Yeah, you were just plain rude." I state, disgusted by the white girls' attitude toward a woman of color. It clearly screams white privilege.
