Book 1: Believe

Hello.

My name is River, and I’m a comedian who’s going on strike until my latest comedy routine gets unbanned.

Well… It’s only one part of it that got banned; but, for me, if part of it is banned then the whole thing is banned!

I’m kinda like those rappers who get upset about people cramping down on their free speech.

I’m hoping that my strike will cause people to demand that my comedy bit get unbanned.

“Okay, River; so what part got banned?” you might ask.

Believe it or not, it’s not what you would think.

I did a bit that people interpreted as leaning towards promoting that God doesn’t exist, and everybody flipped out!

I know that those reading this book are likely from a place where you’re allowed to assert that God doesn’t exist, but I’m not.

I didn’t even say that God doesn’t exist though!

Look, I’ll just let you know what part I got banned for; so here it is.

“And then one day I met an atheist, and I was like, “Why aren’t you in jail for not believing in God?”

He told me that he had only recently become an atheist and that he’d probably be imprisoned soon.

I nodded along, and said, so why don’t you believe in God?

He then asked why I did believe in God.

I shrugged and said that I didn’t want to go to prison.

And he told me that it sounded like I only believed in the government and not in God!

Before I could respond, he got tackled by officers, and they led him off towards prison.

As they left, they said, “You still believe in God, right?” and I was like, “Whatever I gotta say to stay outta prison, fellas!” and they winked, and said, “That’s our answer too, tbh.” and they dragged the protesting atheist off to prison.”

Okay!

So, as you can tell, the bit doesn’t actually promote not believing in God; it just suggests that if you make it illegal to not believe in God then people will often just say what they have to say to stay out of jail, regardless of what they believe.

And the bit wasn’t even that funny!

I mean, kinda funny to some people, but not my best bit or anything.

But they freaking banned it!

I feel like the kid who pointed out that the emperor wasn’t wearing any clothes!

All that I do is point out that forcing people to believe something will only mean that many will only pretend to believe it, and the government is like, “Now, now, now; we’ll have none of that!”

Anyhoo, though; my boycott will continue until-

Wait…

WTF!?!?!

Where am I???

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Flying snakes coming straight towards me!!!!

Gotta go, y’all…

Later!…