Chapter 1
Dhriti pov
Getting up from the bed I sigh, my knee pain started to hit me again, I run my knees little and sit on my bed, looking on the side of my bed I see him sleeping peaceful.
I scoff and get up the good mornings are far gone day by, minute by minute, faded away as the time passed.
The love we had or did we? Makes my gut wrench in twisted way of hate and complains.
Moving to the bathroom I do my morning routine, after tying my saare and bun, I walk in the balcony looking at the dark sky of the morning doesn't give me peace anymore.
Irritation thats what I feel, sighing I look at the sky above, cursing the heaven for the one last time, ab toh mene main hi kyu? Vale questions band kr diye hai.
Life is the quagmire, where each character in it will buried deep inside until they stop surviving and die eventually but here I am still fighting and surviving what else option do I have?, my subconscious mocks me.
Moving to the kitchen I open the doors of it, each utensils and masalas of mockingly welcoming me as if saying swaagat hai bahurani,
huh rani the sole word makes me resent
everything around me why couldn't I be born in a better family, why I wasn't married to a better man.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate each and everything about it, yes I am a housewife, yes I handle the work of this house, yes I have responsibilities, but no I cannot be that housewife that is happy with the work given to her, no I am not the housewife who is like this is the only work I have and I love to do it, serve my family.
Heck no I hate it, I hate every single part of it, but I still have to do it, why because I have no other option, survival of fittest that's what happens, and I trying, struggling and begging to fit and survive.
My tears drops looking at the same vicious cycle of routine I have to repeat, I can't pretend like others wives that they love making food for their families, love serving their inlaws, love serving their husband and children no matter how they behave.
I tried you know, I tried my hardest to find happiness in the work, to find fading love, to find a solace and peace, I am often confused looking in the tv that they do it so happily or the woman around me does not complain so why I am the only rani to do so? , why I can't be happy with it, no matter I how hard I try to be happy, why there is only me who feels this work is strangling my throat.
I am no special, so why I can't come to love it despite doing the same thing daily, yes I am not that woman who is happily sacrificing, who is happy to see her family happy, yes I am a dayan type of woman.
Who is not happily surviving but is forced to pretend to do, yes I agree I feel anger and hate when I see my family happy and smiling I feel like slapping the smile of their faces and beat them until they beg to die rather, yes I am not happy when I see my husband happy, yes I am not happy when I see my daughter happy.
I am a worst mother, fine, I am worst wife, fine, I am a worst daughter in law still fine, do I care about them no heck no, do they care about me, no hell no, when they don't see me why shall I see them.
Wiping my tears I lit the stove with resentment not love and care, I put the tea to the stove to cook breakfast for everyone, I knead the dough amd punch it again and again with anger loads of anger.
I sometimes feel to add poison in there food and make them all die, but I can't do that I fear to go to jail, oh god even I am at the point in my life where I have even doubting if it exist or not.
"
Bahu oh bahu kaha marr gyi chai kon layega hamaari "
Shouted my bhudi saas "
Layi maji "
I reply with gritted teeths, taking the cup of tea for both of them I serve my in laws.
Then I run back to my room to wake my husband up, getting inside the room I iron his clothes first while he sleeps with no care, after doing his clothes, I move to the bed looking at the handsome face of my husband I feel like taking a pillow and put it on his face until he dies.
Sighing I shook "
Suniye ji uth jaiye subah ho gyi hai "
Shaking his shoulder, he groans getting "
Subah subah ese muh banakar kyu mood kharab krna hai tujhe mera,
" He said in anger to me.
Glaring at him, I turn around while "
Shauq nahi hai mujhe khud bhi uth sakte ho "
Saying I move out, "
Kya bola tune samne bol "
He shouts, ignoring him I move to my daughter's room to wake the daddy princess up.
"
Utho maharani school nahi jana hai tujhe "
I speak in irritation, here I get up before everyone and like a servent I have to go in there room to wake them up to just be scolded, apni marji se kar rahi hu kya mai yeh sab na uthao tb suno uthao toh suno.
"
Mummy kya hai "
My daughter snap at me pulling the blanket up her head, feeling anger I slap her head " Uth ja tujhe der hui na mai tere baal nahi banungi smjhi " I warn her.
"
Haan mat banana vese bhi old fashioned baal bana kr chomu ni dikhna mujhe "
Ahe shouts back, feeling agitated I grit my teeths and walk out, mujhe kya maro, walking back in kitchen I take out orange juice, my arms hurt by the machine but who cares, they are health conscious and me hump.
"
Bhabhi nashta de do please late ho raha hai "
Says raghav my devar, sitting on the dining table I see him waiting for me, serving him paratha and bhindi with chai, I move back to get breakfast for my inlaws.
Serving my inlaws I pack the tiffins and then I see my husband and daughter coming her open undone hair, looking at her irritates me, serving chana sprouts chat with juice to my husband and pratha to my daughter I was about to go in kitchen but stopped.
"
Dikh nahi raha hai tujhe ananya ke baal nahi bane hai ek kaam thik se nahi hota tujhse
"says ny husband, I glare my daughter who didn't look in my eyes anymore, " Woh khud bnaye gi apne baal " I bark back to him aur itna hai apni beti ka khud bna do uske baal I gulp the remaining words.
"
Papa rehne do mai khud bna lungi vese inhe kuch aata pata toh hai nahi aaj kal ke fashion ka
" Says my daughter in aggrieved tone playing victim, while my husband glare at me and I turn my back to him rolling my eyes, I look at the clock.
Perfect one two three start "
Mummy ji good morning, papa good morning, morning vedh bhaiya, hi baby sara "
Cheerful greetings of my devrani rings the dining room, huh good toh hogi iski morning koi kaam toh krna hota nahi, taking juice and sprouts bowl I serve her.
"
Morning didi "
She wishes me, I smile to her not in mood to talk , taking the lunch boxes in my hand I bring them out in dining table, and then brings my breakfast to eat.
As I sit and take the first bite, my husband looks at me disappointed, "
Tum khane beth gayi sara ke baal nahi bane hai late krana hai kya tujhe, tune toh ghar mai rehna hai sara din, jo bahr jata hai uski time ki kadar kara kro "
, I feel tears in my eyes but I stop them, the same dialogue I have been listening for past two decades of marriage I hate him, I hate him so much.
He never take care of me, never sees me, I am running back and forth since morning, but what he has to notice that I am eating, disgusting man I hate him and his daughter too, getting up from my seat I walk to my daughter seat taking her hair I comb them while others enjoy there food.
A well trained servent that too free maid that's what I am too them, making her two plats, I sigh my arms hurt, head hurt, back hurt, heart hurt, I just feel like running away from them but I can't, the fact hurts.
Everyone get up from table and both, raghav and megha touch feet of my in laws taking there tiffin they smile and take off to there offices, while my husband does the same smilingly he tell my inlaws to take care and holding my daughter's hand he walk away not even sparing a glance at me,
mai dhikti nahi kya mujhe bhi toh bye bol sakte hai, pr kyu hi krenge hun ki kon mai.
