Save me twice

Twenty-one years later, Adhara at the lake

I could see him standing near the lake, feeding the ducks. He was so beautiful. His wavy, dirty blonde hair was half bound up, the rest falling just above his shoulders. This time, he wore a tight-fitting, gray t-shirt and dark denim jeans that clung to his well-defined body. Underneath, I dared to imagine he looked like one of those Renaissance sculptures of David, although his body possessed more muscle than that.

Until the first time I saw him here, I had never seen a man like him. What struck me the most was his bronze skin which seemed to shimmer whenever sunlight caught him. The urge to speak to him was there, getting stronger, however, my nerves had always settled in. Every time, I felt tense waiting for him to turn his chiseled face and catch me staring, but he never did.

Today I felt different, I felt a pull like never before. I had to speak to him. I can do it, my mind convinced me and my steps moved in his direction. I walked towards him, closer and closer to where he stood, my legs acting on their behalf, betraying my brain with every step. I didn’t realize I was so close until it was too late, yet there I was.

A slight breeze caught a tendril of my long, brown hair blowing it across my face. Secretly, I wished I looked like one of those models from the hair commercials, all sexy and smooth. In reality, I probably looked like a hot mess. So, I turned to face the lake, tore a piece from what was left of my sandwich, and hurled it at the eager ducks. I threw the bread so hard it hit one of the ducks right in the head, poor thing. The duck merely shook its head and swam off, while I could feel heat creeping up my face. The embarrassment, so much for making a first impression.

In my peripheral vision, I saw the hot guy’s head turn slightly over his shoulder and, if I were not imagining it, I could see a smirk creasing his face. Perhaps my acting was not as good as I hoped. He had to have known I walked over intentionally. I was about to leave and salvage what was left of my pride when he walked over.

“Hello,” he said.

His voice was exquisitely masculine with just the right amount of politeness. I felt a warm rush of something unexplainable come over me. I hope my face didn’t turn crimson.

“Hello,” I replied in my not-so-smooth voice.

No one had ever had such an impact on me. Not even my high school crush, Kaden Blackwell, the most popular and best-looking guy in school. Had I seen the two standing together, I probably wouldn’t have tortured myself as much to have

Kaden notice me all those lonely four years.

“Do you come here a lot?” he asked very casually.

I nearly stuttered then cleared my throat; I couldn’t let my one opportunity to talk to a man like this slip by.

“Ummm,” I said, as I tilted my head to one side and threw another piece of leftover sandwich to the ducks with much less conviction this time. “I come here at least twice a week, on my lunch break.”

He then turned to face me and was suddenly so close. I was afraid to turn and look up at him and it had nothing to do with his looks, it was like I could sense something different in him. I took a deep breath and turned to face him.

On previous visits to the lake, I had studied him from a distance and noticed his lips were small but pouty and went up at the ends to make him look like he had a permanent smirk on his face. But now, I could see everything. He had the most intense blue-green eyes. Their colors were luminous, so vivid, almost otherworldly. His eyelashes were not long but curled up perfectly.

His gaze was strong and unwavering. He looked at me in a way that made me feel noticed and important. But there was something else, though what it was, I couldn’t place.

He held out his hand and introduced himself to me, “My name is Uriel. What’s yours?”

Something inside of me woke up like a dormant memory, a feeling, a bizarre feeling. Uriel, the name was so familiar. I reached out and our hands met. Instantly, I felt a sensation rip right through my whole being. I blinked and tried my best to hide my awkward reaction.

“My name is Adhara. I know it’s strange,” I said, letting go of his hand. Stepping back, it seemed the warm feeling I had when we touched disappeared and I already craved it again.

He smiled, his eyes lit up as if he had learned a very beautiful secret. “You are named after a star, how unique.”

It was a little shocking, not many people knew that. I smiled shyly at him and continued. “My mother is an astronomer and obsessed with the stars and planets, naturally she found it fitting to name me after a star.”

“Adhara, will you walk around the lake with me?” he asked in that voice, that masculine edge and just the right amount of gentleness. His lips were so seductive as he spoke, that I could imagine myself kissing him right here, near the lake. Everything about him was enticing, alluring, and beautiful, how could I say no? This was shaping up to be the perfect afternoon.

I tucked a piece of stray hair behind my ear and said, “Okay.” I didn’t have much experience in the beautiful man department. Most of the guys I dated were pretty average-looking and it seemed that everyone exhibited gentleman-like qualities until they turned out to be trolls. Without thinking, I asked, “So, how do you know so much about the stars, Uriel?”

There it was again, that perfect smirk. “My father taught me about the stars and the planets. I guess he wanted me to understand it all because he does.”

This was a surprising twist. I answered him with genuine curiosity, “So your father is an astronomer?”

“You could say that, yes.” There was hesitation in his voice but it sounded like an omitted truth rather than a lie. We barely knew each other, so there was no harm in him omitting anything.

The temperature around the lake was perfect, a small breeze blew in now and then. The end of May was always beautiful here on Long Island but that wasn’t why I wanted this walk to last forever. I surreptitiously dipped my head to sneak a look at his left hand but his ring finger was bare. Moments later, when he lifted his hands to speak I noticed he was wearing a ring on his right hand.

Something about it was familiar. There was a symbol etched into it but I couldn’t get a clear view of it. It was either white gold or platinum and looked like it had just been cleaned, it was so shiny, flawless even.

He broke the silence this time, “So, you mentioned your mother studies the stars?” he asked.

“Yes, she teaches Astronomy 101 at a local college, it’s her passion. I grew up looking at the night sky, wishing I could be an astronaut so I could see it all up close. I felt like I could never get close enough. For my fifth birthday, I got a telescope, while most of the other girls had a party and dolls. And for Halloween, I never dressed up as a princess or a witch, I was always an astronaut or an alien.” I smiled, laughing, a little and lost in my own memories.

When I looked up, he was looking directly at me, and I cringed but he was smiling right along with me.

“Well, I guess we have a lot in common. I too love the stars and the night sky, you might say it’s a passion of mine as well.”

His face changed, it became less playful and more pensive. “The stars and moon have a rhythm, they follow a path and they do what they were created to do. That’s what my father told me.”

His words were moving – like a melodious rhythm. I smiled at him. “That’s a very deep way of looking at it. I think your father and my mother would get along.”

The serious tone and mood seemed to lift as he replied with a small nod of his head. “Yes, I think so, too.”

We were almost around the lake already, I looked at my watch and realized we had been talking for a while. Time seemed to slip away all too fast; it was time for me to get back to work. I wanted to stay so badly, afraid that this elusive, perfect man would slip away into the shadows and never return.

“I have to go back to work,” I said, regretting the words with every bit of my being.

He held his bronze, beautiful hand out to me. I held mine out and we shook hands again. My heart began to beat faster and I felt like I might melt and disappear into the lake.

“Adhara, it was very nice to meet you, thank you for keeping me company. My days can be long and dry but you have quenched my thirst for good conversation.”

I could feel my cheeks getting warmer and was sure I must be turning bright red. Smiling and thanking him, I was about to humiliate myself and ask him when I could see him again when he seemed to read my mind. He said casually, “I’ll be here tomorrow if you want to talk again.”

“I would like that very much,” I answered before I could filter the enthusiasm in my voice.

He smirked in that adorable way he did. “I have lunch at 1 o’clock,” I added.

He smiled at me and nodded. I said goodbye, the most reluctant goodbye I think I ever said. As I walked away, I got the urge to look back; I didn’t want him to know how much of an impact he had on me but it was just so tempting. I counted to thirty, which seemed long enough to wait before I looked. I turned around but when I did he was still there, looking at me. He was watching me walk away? My heart began pounding in my chest and to feel less awkward I waved.

He smiled and waved back.

The rest of the day, I felt like I was in a fog, a very happy fog. On my drive home, I replayed every moment, every hand gesture, every word of our conversation. Where did he come from? Who was he? What did he do for a living?

How old was he? Did he like sports, or was he a nerd like me? At least, I knew he loved astronomy too, that was a good start, wasn’t it?

All I could think about was him and our walk around the lake. It felt wonderful, especially since my last love interest turned out to be a disaster. We had dated for about three months, barely saw each other, and the cheating part didn’t help, so it ended as quickly as it began. Who cared? Now, I had met an amazing man and there was something so different about him. I was just hoping there wasn’t anything terribly wrong with him. Please, God, let him be the good guy.

***

The next day dragged on. From the time I woke up in the morning until I got to work, it was like the Earth spun slower. I was so afraid I would get to the lake and he would not be there, and my dream would be shattered forever. I would have memories of one perfect hour of my life and would never again find a man half as good as him.

Finally, it was one o’clock and that meant lunchtime! The shop was very busy but I worked my ass off to get out that door on time. I had never clocked out so quickly. It was another beautiful day with blue skies and not a cloud to be found.

Rushing, I nearly got ran-over crossing the main street to get to the lake. When I made it across, I walked over to where we first started talking the day before. I looked around. He wasn’t there. I walked around the lake just to make sure I hadn’t missed him but he was nowhere to be found.

I felt my heart sinking slowly.

I wanted to cry, I couldn’t believe I thought a man like that would be interested in someone as ordinary as me. I sat down at a picnic table and started to eat my sandwich, staring at the lake and recalling our yesterday’s conversation. It was too perfect to be real. Too fairytale-esque to be true. After five minutes of eating my sandwich, one of the ducks walked up to me. I ripped off a little piece of bread and threw it out to him.

“Hey there, buddy, I guess you’ll be my lunch date today,” I said to him as he scarfed down the bread, only for him to waddle away. “Geez, I guess I’ll eat alone after all.”

“Talking to ducks, are you?”

Without turning around, I knew that voice, the one that sent electric pulses down my spine the day before.

I felt relief all over my body. He sat across from me. Here he was, his perfectly sculpted masculine outline in a black t-shirt and light blue denim jeans this time.

Before I could say anything, he stood up and held out his hand. Confused but completely taken with his gesture, I stood too and instinctively placed my hand in his.

“Where are my manners?” he asked, “Adhara, would you please have me as your lunch date? I know you’ve been stood up by our friend over there.” He pointed to the fat little duck waddling back to the lake.

I tried to hide my adoration but I’m sure my face gave it away, “Of course you can, I’m glad you’re better mannered than him.” I rolled my eyes and he sat back down.

That smile, what could I say? And those blue-green eyes when they focused on you, they held your gaze and you could not look away. All I wanted, since yesterday, was to hear his voice and talk to him and now here he was. Another perfect hour went by too quickly but unbelievably he invited me to meet him the following day.

For the next two weeks, we did the same thing. We met up during my lunch break, shared a couple of laps around the lake, and made small talk but still no mention of his personal life to me. Then we would say our goodbyes, and wait for another tomorrow for our routine meetup. The third week started like any other but something seemed to hang in the air. Uriel took my hand and said, “Adhara, let’s walk, I have some things I need to tell you.”

For a man I barely knew, he sure had a way of making what he needed to tell me sound very important. Nervously, I stood and walked beside him. My hands began sweating as I silently prayed he wouldn’t tell me that he was married or a convict on the run. Before I could finish my prayer, he spoke as if to purposely interject.

“Adhara…” his voice still beautiful but filled with an urgency that scared me a little, “I like talking with you. You seem to have a way with words, you’re very honest, and speak what’s on your mind.”

Was this his way of telling me that I was too ‘simple-minded’ for him? Am I too ordinary for him? He stopped in his tracks; I could swear he was reacting to what I was thinking. He looked down at me and I was lost again in those eyes.

“I mean this in the best way possible, I promise you are anything but ordinary but there are things you need to know about me, things I need to tell you. Time is so important right now, I cannot waste any more.”

I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. “Uriel, I realize I don’t know you well yet. Is there something wrong? Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend?”

He smiled ear to ear and laughed as if what I said was unfathomable for me to think. I probably sounded like an idiot blurting that out but, seriously, he was gorgeous, was it so strange to think he had someone? He was starting to make me think he was married or taken, or maybe he was gay. He laughed out loud again.

Now I was getting very frustrated.

“Uriel, what is so funny!” I said, my voice had a bit of a sting in it.

He answered my thought again, I swear. “Do you think I’m gay?”

I was so embarrassed, that I almost tripped over a tree root right in front of me, my face was burning hot. How the hell did he know what I was thinking?! I really was starting to think he could read my mind. Before I could edit myself, I blurted out once again, “Well, you laugh like it’s impossible for you to have a girlfriend or a wife but you’re gorgeous and so, what else could it be?” I thought he would laugh again but this time he didn’t, he just stopped walking and stood in front of me.

He tilted my face up to his with his fingertips and looked me in my eyes. Once again, I felt warmth inside. My anxiety and despair drained as he said calmly but sternly. “I am not married, I am not dating anyone, and I am not gay. However, I have a job that doesn’t allow me to have romantic relationships.”

I suddenly felt anger. I didn’t think I could feel it, not toward him anyway. How could he look at me like that and tell me something like this? He was beginning to confuse me more than any man in my life ever had. I became suspicious, either this man had secrets he wasn’t willing to share, or he was crazy. Either way, I was playing with fire.

“Adhara.”

There we go with that voice. Even when he was frustrated, he sounded beautiful.

He continued, “I know what you’re thinking and you need to trust me on this. I promise I will tell you everything you need to know and it will all make sense.”

Something in his voice sounded genuine and urgent, still, I didn’t know all that much about him.

“Adhara…” His voice held my name just right. Every single time!

“Uriel,” I said, interrupting him for the first time. It wasn’t as eloquent. “Listen, I don’t want trouble, okay, I just want you to be honest with me.”

“Okay, then let me be.” He stopped walking and turned to me again. “I just want to be here with you and help you and…” He looked frustrated now, I could tell he wanted to tell me more. Something was stopping him, either he wouldn’t or couldn’t share it with me. I realized I only had five minutes left on my lunch

break. I couldn’t believe it had gone so fast.

I looked again at my watch, trying to seem aggravated but the feeling of disappointment tugged at my insides. “I have to go,” I said, looking up, then dragging my eyes away from him.

“Adhara, will you meet me here again? Tomorrow?” He sounded urgent as if he wanted to tell me his deepest secrets.

This was one of those pivotal moments in life where I could walk away and for the rest of my life wonder what might have been. Before I could change my own mind, my subconscious seemed to answer for me. “Okay, I’ll be here.”

He smiled, I turned to walk away, and the whole time I could somehow feel his eyes on me, burning into me. I knew he was watching me. Again, I couldn’t help myself, yet this time, when I turned around to say goodbye, he was gone.

For the first time, since we met, I felt a chill run down my spine. For the first time, the possible man of my dreams, made me feel thoroughly uncomfortable.

Will I be here tomorrow? I knew I would be, I needed to give him a chance to speak.