Review

"I really enjoyed the story. It was a wonderful experience and a wonderful tale with characters that gave a whole new dimension to the tale. A story at the beginning was confusing but accustomed to your writing style. In my opinion, you could unite the chapters to make them smaller and the story would run smoothly. Keep writing because I see that you are doing very well."

Lovely little vignettes.

"It's really well written, I really liked the style it's so matter of fact, it's not too over the top in the description and it reads almost like actual mythology. And there's just something about that style that grips me much more than endless pointless description and flowery nonsense. It feels curt and real and engaging. The first parts as you said aren't story heavy but I think they lay enough ground work to create threads of narrative people want to follow. So although you're not bashing your readers over the head with your story right off the bat with lots of horrible exposition you're sort of drawing it out slowly which is so much better in my opinion. It's the type of show don't tell story telling I aspire to. Like you're not just giving your readers everything on a plate you're sort of just giving them a taste and tempting them down the path to discover more and I think that's a lot more effective than just huge exposition dumps. It's a marathon not a sprint and I think this story has the stamina to go the distance haha."

Wow!

"I really enjoyed this!"

Nice Start

"From what I read, the story does have an interesting plot. The beginning was a little confusing on where it all fit, and it seemed a little abrupt at how all the characters met. As readers, we seem to know a little more about the other characters than the main guy. It's not clear who he is, though that could be the whole premise, in which case it leaves the reader interested to learn. The style of writing is different, as well as in the narration and introduction of everyone. It was a nice read altogether, and I'd be interested to know where it goes from here. "

Wonderful

"It has a wonderful cover, good use of grammar, and has an excellent story plot. Nice work!"

It Was Interesting

"After reading your book, I can say that it was very enticing, I really enjoyed reading through it. I was a bit confused after reading the first part and trying to connect it to your story, however it doesn't change the fact that I really found your book enjoyable. Keep up the good work!"

Great Story!

"Hello there! I really enjoyed reading your story. The concept was very interesting, and I especially enjoyed the way you wrote the prologue in poem form. It really drew me in. The only really grammar errors that I found were a few extra commas, so kudos! You have a great story going!"

The young foreigner

"You have an interesting plot and the world you've created is amazing. My only problem was the way the story was told. We want you to show us not tell us. When you tell and not show us it begins to get boring. I'm also facing similar issue and is yet to overcome it. Just keep writing you'll notice the changes yourself self as you progress. All the same nice work. I hope you continue writing."

The Young Foreigner

"The story's interesting so far and the world you built is cool, though I feel like there's a bit too much exposition, especially at the beginning. We don't get much dialogue in the first few chapters and it's mostly telling, not showing, which you shouldn't do since it can bore readers. , It can be hard to create a world and telling us instead of showing might seem like the easy way out, but instead it'll just sound like reading a history book, so in order to show your readers what you want, do it through descriptions and keep dialogue short since doing large chunks of dialogue to explain things might not sound natural. Overall though, it's an interesting premise and does make me curious to know what'll happen next."

Intriguing

"At first and honestly, fantasy wasn't really my cup of tea kind of story I'd like to read, but then.... Voila... you get me hooked! The story intrigued me, the character especially Yor and the girl name (Em... sorry I forgot the name as it was very unusual name you chose yet it fit her) made me pondered, I just finished part 5 and definitely will read more of it. Though can I ask you something... or perhaps since I haven't read all of it, I want to know how Yor 'look like' how old was he? How was his feature... can you please describe... if you had, well then forgive me.... hahaha over all love the story.... great job!!!"

Hooking plot

"I am so impressed with the choice of words and descriptions. I really loved the story plot so far. Its totally a different story that I have ever read in my life and I really liked it. Chapters are quite crispy and hooking to read more. I believe that Fantasy and adventure lovers will love this book. Looking for more interesting chapters."

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Loved it so Far!

"I got through a few chapters, but I'm excited to read more, enthralling story, but sometimes the punctuation or lack of it is a little distracting. Other than that I loved it! Can't wait to read more!"

The Young Foreigner

"Enthralling! Although a the writing style could be improved, intriguing nonetheless. Reading it, certainly won't be a regret. ❤"

The Young Foreigner

"I have only read 15 chapters of this book since my own currently has 15 and the author and I agreed for a review swap. As far as I have read, I think it's pretty good. The plot is not clear to me yet, but what I loved most was the writing style of the book. The main characters are Yor and Elmeida. Sadly, I found them to be one to two dimensional, and at times Yor was a bit cheesy. But I'm just being honest here. Elmeida was the one who sparked my interest more. I liked how she was the one to control darkness but was a bit confused that she didn't know that since she literally tells Yor that Darkness has been passed down her family. I'm not sure what to say about the world building. So far there's only names of cities and kingdoms, no further explanation. But I liked the unique names because they remind me of ones I read about in books like A Song Of Ice and Fire. Overall, I think the book has a lot of potential. A little polishing on the characters, plot details worldbuilding, and surroundings is needed. Then, you'll have a pretty awesome book."

Interesting premise!

"Hello! I read the first six chapters of your story, and I know this is a first draft, so I'll try to keep that in mind. One, you have a very interesting premise. I like the idea of a wandering main character (I've got one of my own, myself), as it allows for an excellent opportunity to showcase the world-building of the places you've created. There's so much of Yor's backstory that I still don't know (which may be answered later on, but I haven't read yet), such as the fact that he has dead parents. It's a common trope in literature (I've had to use it for the sake of the plot of my story), but this trope can help or hinder your story. While dead parents can help a reader easily sympathize with your character, it's also often used as an excuse to bypass writing detailed backstories and family lives for your character as well. If you use the dead parents trope, it's best to show what your character's family life was like with them. Pro tip: It's a lot more believable if you don't make the parents absolutely perfect, either. As for the characters we've been introduced to, they seem mainly rather static. Elmeida seems to have the most potential out of all of them, as the fact that we've seen her face in the well raises questions. Although I haven't seen a lot of world-building yet, I find the idea of the Lady Celia figure very interesting. I love reading about the religions that authors come up with for their stories, and I would like to see more of how this figure affects the lives of the characters. One thing I think you could definitely change is the relationship between Yor and Elmeida. It seems extremely forced, with no room for building up chemistry. Yor says that Elmeida has "been delightful," before he hardly actually talked to her. They then proceed to act like a couple that has been in love for a while, although they don't know each other too well. I'd suggest building up their relationship much slower. As for grammar, it's all right, though the unnecessary capitalization of some improper nouns can be distracting. All in all, decent job! Keep writing! -E.S. Paul"